hey guys so i havent been on in forever and i need some advice.

Anyways i am a very attractive girl. My only problem is that im often told that guys are scared to talk to me because i look defensive and dont smile. I dont mean to look like a bitch but i guess i just do. I have, however, been approached by guys before its just not often because i guess guys think i will reject them. How can i convey that im not a bitch? i am very shy so i need to work on that but i dont know exactly how to do that

thanks for the help!

This is actually a really interesting reversal of roles. I've HEARD of women who are very attractive but are frustrated because men don't approach them - OFTEN because they appear too intimidating. So first off I applaud your unconventional approach to get some insight on this.

Let's get something very clear - be honest about what you're looking for. Do you just want a good lay? If you're hot - go to a club, pick out your favourite, and take him home. If you're looking for more of a relationship, then keep reading.

The KEY answer to your question was actually something you said in your post - you don't smile. Why? Are you perpetually pissed about something? Are you self conscious about your smile? Did you suffer a crippling childhood disease that paralyzed the muscles of your face and destroyed your ability to feel happiness? Lol.

You'd be AMAZED how far a simple smile goes. Not one of those awkward smiles you might give to a stranger at a party you just met. I mean an actual, genuine, beautiful smile. The kind that comes from within - you being happy about you and where you are. It may take more than just the one smile to get the guy's attention, but the right smile will fill him with confidence and intrigue him enough to come over.

Another question is are you very tall? I know this may seem like an odd question but believe it or not, one of the biggest lies in online dating profiles is a person's height. Men overstate theirs, whereas women understate. It's intimidating for a guy to approach a girl who is like 5'10" or more. So if you are taller than most girls you could try being around taller guys.

If however you don't care about height, and don't want to wait around for the guy to approach, why don't you approach him? Strike up a conversation? Make a joke? Guys LOVE it when women take the initiative, it takes such a load of pressure off. Unfortunately we (men and women alike) are indoctrinated with the belief that men should be assertive and dominant, and while that is crucial to attraction in women, you can't expect guys to be consistently confident all the time. Just like we can't expect women to be polished and beautiful every day. Isn't it easier to go out in sneakers, sweats and a ponytail rather than heels, a skirt and a perm? Just the same, it's easier for a (good) guy to be mute, uncertain and timid.

There are a MILLION reasons why a guy won't approach you, which often has nothing to do with YOU directly. Some of the things going through a guy's mind when he sees a pretty girl he wants to talk to:

• 1. I'd probably just be disturbing her
  2. I don't feel like it today. I'll just approach twice as many girls tomorrow.
  3. Now's not the right time, I'm not wearing the right clothes/ my hair is bad /I haven't shaved / I haven't worked out
  4. I'm not in the right state of mind / I'm too tired
  5. She'd never go for me
  6. I don't know what to say
  7. She's cute too bad I have a girlfriend
  8. That chic at the counter is taking forever - I NEED MY LATTE!
  9. She's a bitch and will reject me

So as you can see, one of the last things to run through a guy's mind is thinking you're a bitch and will reject him.

Also WHO is telling you that guys are scared of talking to you. Is it your girlfriends? I will say this time and again - women are the worst people from whom to get advice on women. That includes advice about yourself from other girls. If you're at a club, with crazy lights, loud music, and other women, you basically all just get lumped together into a set. At that point guys are trying to win over the group, and the girl they want, which may or may not be you. Keep in mind that guys COULD be ignoring you on purpose, in order to get a rise out of you. It's the oldest trick in the book.

AND if it's guys telling you that other guys are too scared (and assuming these guys are NOT your friends), bear in mind that they MAY be trying to hit on you, and are just saying this to throw you off guard.

I'm not saying these are absolute truths (don't go suspecting everyone in your life of ulterior motives lol). Just realize there are many variables.

You should also realize that there are lots of guys who adore shy girls. I myself find the obnoxious and loud-mouthed ones who get in my way to be really fucking annoying. Whereas the shier, more coy and mysterious girls with an air of class and sophisticated grace are far more enticing. Don't try and change yourself into something you're not. Rather use what you have to your advantage.

At last if you wish to break free of the shyness you need to do things that push yourself outside of your comfort zone. You have to be OK with falling flat on your face and making a fool of yourself. Two things that will really help with that are (beginner) Improv, and vocal lessons. They will push you to really lay your ego on the line, and break down that shyness.

Why do you think girls fall for guys? Is it their physical attractiveness? Not really. It's this inherent magnetism of their personality. Is it true that good guys come in last? I'd say it's more that the uncertain ones come in last. The ones that lack certainty in who they are. You'll notice that it's not that women go for bad boys only, or any of the other stereotypes. They go for the guys that are the most SURE of themselves. Who are most certain of their identity and who they are. Jocks, thugs, lawyers, doctors, and motivational speakers (for example). It's true that looks are more important to men in the game of attraction than they are to women - and so as an attractive girl you have a head start on your competition. So that's why I say if you're looking for a one-night stand you'll have no problem. But if we're looking for something more than that, then we're all, men and women alike, on even footing.

Believe yourself to be the great catch. And you will be.

Cheers,

Q.

PS - I'd also be interested to know - in your opinion - what proportion of the attractive women out there feel the same way as you do? How many girls WANT to be approached but just don't get approached, and think that their attractiveness actually scares away more men than it attracts?

I don't wanna sound like a troll by why is this girl here? She doesn't need our help, actually I'm not sure if she's here to get help or just here to brag. Seriously you walk into a club and you can just take your pick, it's so easy.

Can we save these boards for people with REAL issues!

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

Ha, dude, chill...Give her a break!

All my guy friends were calling me a fag because I couldnt get laid in highschool and college, they said it was easy, lmfao! WHATEVER.

I applaud her and Qlass hit the nail on the head...

Also, I wanted to add that there are actually a bunch of female PUAs...

Are you on twitter? Follow AFC adams wife, @AFCAmanda, shes awesome!

Also, I cheated, and read the female rulebook, called, ironically "rules", check it out:

http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Time-Tested ... 0446602744

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Havok
My intro thread & Story - so-i-post-vt85070.html
My Journal - here-vp508498.html

I'm looking for a relationship and not just a simple lay. im not that type of girl. and to be honest idk why i dont smile. i guess i dont have anything to be overtly happy about? im not really sure. Im also not very tall at all, im short actually im only 5"2.

I have actually been thinking about approaching a guy just to see what happens but i almost feel like a girl cant just go up to a guy and basically say hes hot? If a girl did that to you how was you react? While i am quite shy, i have definitely gotten better. i feel like guys dont like shy girls and maybe thats why my whole situation worries me.


And you are right, it is my female friends who tell me guys are afraid of me. the guys that do, however, approach me are also odd balls who i would never consider. i want to attract that right kind of guy or at least people who arent weird lol.


and to answer your question: i think it depends on the type of girl cuz there are a lot of cocky women who expect to be approached and then there are women who dont expect it but it would be a nice event to happen that could make her day (it makes my day when it happens to me). Girls that are hb 9-10 usually have enough confidence to not need a man's opinion to qualify themselves. Girls definitiely want to get approached but i feel like their looks being too intimidating doesnt really come to mind to a lot of girls. i think most girls just think "whats wrong with me?/how can i become hotter" and not "oh im too pretty and hes just scared"

also, i feel like guys dont really care about girls who greatly respect themselves. I wont just have sex with anyone. I feel like guys just want to have sex with as many hbs as possible and thats it. Where do us girls stand? i feel like any guy i can attract will just want me for sex cuz of my looks and not want to stick around.

thanks for your detailed reply. it was great!

why would i brag to a bunch of guys i dont know/cant even see in real life? lol And its not as easy as it sounds buddy. Some girls actually respect themselves/have standards.

EXACTLY!! its not as easy as it looks. and thanks for the suggestions i will deff be looking at those!

No you're right your life must be extremely difficult.

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

Im not saying my life is difficult. Im just saying that i respect myself enough to restrain from having sex with every guy who shows interest in me. I just wanna find a good guy who wants me for other reasons besides my looks

FYI, there are a TON of guys out there that are looking for the same thing...Not every woman is a sex object to us. You will find someone, good luck!

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Havok
My intro thread & Story - so-i-post-vt85070.html
My Journal - here-vp508498.html

I would love to have that problem. Can we trade?

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

Totally agree

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm

So this seems like a completely separate issue to me. But is there something in your life keeping you from smiling? Are you just lonesome and want to be with someone - because getting into a relationship because you're lonely is a terrible idea lol. Really reflect and figure out what's keeping you from smiling.
Why not? Just because society or other people think you shouldn't? Don't get me wrong, 9/10 times I'm with a girl, I prefer to be the assertive one and initiate all the flirting. But if a girl randomly started up a conversation with me and started flirting, I would love it. And I can say this with fairly good certainty that any guy who disagrees is probably gay lol.
Well if it were me I'd say something like "Well, then you should see me on a good day " or "Yeah it's a blessing and a burden". But I can assure you almost any down-to-earth guy would appreciate being told they're cute. Now you don't HAVE to be that forward. It's a LOT easier for a girl to approach a guy, simply because it doesn't happen that often.
Well I can tell you with 100% certainty that you are COMPLETELY wrong on this. Guys don't like shy girls? Ummmm yeah we do! I have a feeling from this mentality that either a) you're carrying a LOT of baggage with you from some previous hurt or b) you're still very young - Maybe really early 20s, and so are a bit naive. Regardless, as you are petite, pretty and unassuming, you have a lot going for you.
I obviously don't know your friends but I can't help but get the impression that they are being a bit catty. Telling you that you are too scary and don't smile and scare guys off? I'm not particularly knowledgeable on female-group social dynamics (maybe someone else can provide some insight on if this is normal behaviour?) but I feel like one should take their advice with a grain of salt. It has been my experience (no offense) that women don't generally give very good advice on women, often because they don't know anything about what women want lol. BUT if they are genuinely your friends and are trying to help you, then what they say may have some true value, and I can agree with them. It's a lot harder approaching a prettier girl with a stern face who looks like she'll bite your head off, than an average looking girl with a smile and welcoming persona.

Welcome to dating, and what every girl is looking for. A good friend of mine once said "You will get some of the girls all the time, you will get all of the girls some of the time, but you will never get all of the girls all of the time."

I think the same goes for women and creeps lol. You will always have the creepy ones approaching you, probably more often than the good ones. It's why women have what we call Bitch Shields, to screen out any potential creeps and losers. Sometimes it screens out good guys as well. You just have to have a properly tuned filter.

But I SHOULD warn you - I know a girl who has attracted creep after creep after creep. Why? She has formulated this idea, this picture in her head, that all men are creeps. And so because of that, her subconscious seeks out men that are actually creeps, so that she can focus on them and prove herself right. If you think all men are odd balls, that is all you'll find. Fill your life with healthy relationships and good people (men and women alike) and focus on the good people, not the bad ones, in your life. If you're surrounded by the right people, doesn't it make sense that you'll find the right guy?
You know I think there's a lot of mistrust and anger on both sides. Women who think men are just using them for sex. Men who think women are just using them as emotional trash bins. Surf these forums. Look at any post titled 'Need help with girl' or 'Please help I'm desperate' and you will find THOUSANDS of posts from guys trying to win over their "one". These men no doubt feel just as much pain and anger over the run around countless women give them, as women do when they are let down by men.

These men, although misguided in their obsessive pursuit of one infatuation, are good people. And if any progress for them, or for women looking for the right guy, is to be made, then that bitterness, baggage and sense of betrayal needs to be dropped. Now.

And left alone.


Q.

You have what every guy probably wants. Your vagina. Just be more extrovert. Be more outgoing, shy guys will feel more comfortable. Then just pick and choose.

Storm in a tea cup

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It came to me in a drreeeaaammmm