...is she forever placed in the "sexual object" categor, or could she ever be considered girlfriend material?

The reason I ask is because i have 2 scenarios to describe. guy A, i was never into him and i really consider him a friend. he's hilarious, but honestly, he's just not attractive to me and he's really short. but he drunkenly told me one time he wants to sleep with me. I was weirded out but not that i am interested in him anyway, but i was wondering if he thinks of me as a piece of meat or if he genuinely liked me. I don't want to be considered a sexual object. i mean, i do have a sexuality, but there was something vulgar and crass about the way he said it and it really turned me off. I know i'm a girl so maybe this doesn't make sense to you guys. I sort of think of it like a madonna whore thing - like are these guys thinking im the kind of girl who could never be a madonna?

ok guy B currently hates me because i wouldn't sleep with him. he's holding a grudge. but the reason i didnt sleep with him is because he just ended a long relationship when he told me he wants to hook up with me. i guess i sort of "led him on" but only up until i realized it wasn't going anywhere. i really did like him though, and it puzzles me that he is angry at me. i just wanted him to like me and think of me as a potential girlfriend one day, when he's ready and when he's not on the rebound anymore. i didnt want to ruin it, but now i feel like that is ruined just because of the fact he really hates me, and things have been so messy and awkward. he can't even be friends (though he has many platonic female friends). i guess in a way i thought he'd respect me more if i didnt sleep with him. but its terrible.

i hope this post was insightful into a female mind, but i ask you for your sincere honest opinion! thanks

Guy A: you weren't attracted to him. End of. He's a 'funny guy' everyone loves a funny guy as a friend. I think that him being really short isn't really a dealbreaker for you; it seems it was more the fact that he had no attraction built with you that his sexual proposition fell flat - you were weirded out as it appeared to come from the blue...and he was drunk. And he TOLD you explicitly that he wants to sleep with you, which also appears to be a no-no to women...

Piece of meat or genuinely liked you? Honestly? Probably didnt even cross his mind - he was drunk and horny. He may like you, he may have just wanted to have sex - us men can be a little more simplistic and caveman at times

Guy B: He doesn't hate you. Women like to trot that line out sometimes to validate their actions or inactions. He may be a little bit testy cos you led him on - (lets drop the 'sort of' you more than likely did - dont worry all women love to flirt)

If he is just out of a relationship then yeah he was looking for some action, no doubt. He probably felt a bit low and wanted to boost his esteem. You probably did the right thing in denying that him, cos chances are if you had slept with him that would have been the end of it.

Give it time. He doesn't want to be your friend, probably cos he views you in a sexual light. As you say he already has lots of female friends.

He is not angry at you directly, he is angry because he probably felt his pride get dented that he wasn't able to sleep with you right off the bat.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you not wanting to be seen as a rebound shag. You may have done it were you REALLY into to him, but by the sounds of it you weren't.

Allow it all to cool off and die down a bit - maybe he will get in touch, or you could hahaha...but look at it this way: if the guy is so easy to get riled and hold a grudge and not be able to get past it, is that the kind of guy you want in your life?

Thank you! very insightful

some comments I don't know if it is relevant, but he mentioned that he and the other women (who are middle aged and married) in our group (this was an extracurricular team/meeting thing) discussed how he is going to sleep with me someday, and about how they told him it was never going to happen and how he told them that it would indeed happen!
makes sense...except that he has found a couple other girls to sleep with, i know (i see him all the time by necessity and even witnessed one of them!) so why would he STILL be testy with me. You'd think he'd be cool with me, right? That's what i thought. but he still acts testy! not sure i follow your mention of female friends here. the reason i mentioned it in my original post was to say that he is capable of being friends with girls. I know some guys don't really have female friends. And he even told me he wants to be friends, so it was strange that something changed! no i was into him, but i have a past experience in which i hooked up with a guy i liked and he "played" me. I am not so quick to jump into the sack with someone i truly like. it's somewhat counter-intuitive in a way because if i dont care and have no feelings, i'm more likely to do it!
and this guy told me he doesn't want a relationship! so he made it even easier to say no! i had mixed feelings. i liked him but didnt like that he was reminding me of that guy who played me! you're so right there. very true
thanks again for the insightful, thoughtful post!
anyone else??

CallieJay,

I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years, and my girlfriend prior to that for 18 months. Both these girls started as casual sex partners.

In fact, I have a general rule that I'd never consider dating a girl unless we've slept together a few times at least, and I've had a chance to get to know her a bit better. Simply because I have lots of options and won't commit to a girl unless I really believe she is worth it (you don't really know a girl until sex has come onto the scene in my opinion)

You're essentially playing a game with nature on your side. If a guy sleeps with you regularly and ISNT sleeping with other women, then he WILL get attached to you. It isn't a maybe, it's a definitely, but only if he's sleeping exclusively with you. When he has sex, his body releases bonding hormones and over time, this causes him to get attached.

CallieJay,

No worries!

You'd be amazed at the depth of testy behaviour some man is capable of ahahhaha...depends on the man and seems odd but he could sleep with 15 more women, but because he couldn't sleep with you it would resonate within him still. That's foolish pride for ya!

Not jumping into sack with people you like makes sense. If you genuinely like someone you dont wanna be seen as a slut in their eyes; as you say if you dont feel a total connection, but enough attraction you'll maybe sleep with them...classic clash of desires too: he says he doesn't want a realtionship whereas it seems you may have considered having one with him - if you're not on the same page the story doesn't make sense...the underlying crux though seems to be the guy who played you...it's understandable that you wanna avoid feeling like that again, but as the other poster said the other guy may have changed his relationship tune once he had sex with you a few times..fickle men hahahah

On a side note - isn't it crazy how much Guy B scenario differs from Guy A? SO much of what you read about human psychology and PUA seems trite but these two scenarios really reinforce some of the ideas - Guy B has your emotional state up and down and as such is on your mind whereas Guy A just doesn't even seem to figure!

Good luck.