I'm A Nice Guy... I Don't Want To be



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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:58 pm 
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Ok, well I'm 23, I live in a small town and mostly use online (until I can move)

How do I break out of this nice guy bullshit I've been carrying since I was born? I'm so sick of it.. it's sickening and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I've been left for a stalker
I've been left for abusive bfs
I've been ditched by a couple people
I've been given fake addresses to come over to before
And the kicker.. every girl I talk to, like actually start talking to, she just stops talking to me completely and I will never hear from her again.

Why? Because I'm the "nice" guy. Any guy who used to be a hopeless romantic or nice guy can relate to exactly what I'm talking about. it sucks and it's one of the most awful experiences you can ever get.

I plan on reading up on The Game and Mystery's book because I know those two were the best at what they did. (not so sure anymore) what else would you recommend? How do I break out of this nice guy routine and keep women's attention? I used to be the one girl kind of guy and I would get one-itis with every girl I met.. it was just who I am. now though, I just want to game.. I don't want a relationship or even to be liked, I just want to game.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:11 pm 
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I would say that if you just want to game, go out and game and FAIL A LOT, just try different techniques and see what is best for you.
But when you're learning this stuff, don't let the nice guy bullshit to fuck your mind up. It's important to be nice guy sometimes, I mean obviously not all the time and there is a general rule, that when you're learning it's better to push then pull, cause you'll get used to the rejection and you'll know how to adapt.

What I'm trying to say to you, is not being a nice guy needs calibration, don't make yourself an asshole, tease the girls in a normal matter (don't say some fucked up bullshit to them) and have a healthy relationship to the people you meet until they start using you, when that happens it's GAME over.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:48 pm 
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Agree with kupid. Being nice is fine, but you shouldn't go out of your way to help a girl you like. Don't do anything for her that you wouldn't do for your guy friends. Don't cater to her every need

Ex.
She mentions she's thirsty

"Nice" Guy: OMG I'LL GET YOU SOME WATER RIGHT AWAY

Her: Nah it's fine I can wait, the nearest water is 20 miles away and you don't have a car.

"Nice" Guy: I'LL BE BACK WITH WATER (starts jogging)

And now you have them thinking they can get you to run any errand they want or abuse you for their own emotional needs. Sometimes they won't even purposefully do it, you will go out of your way to fulfill their requests.

So don't do that. Don't give into the thought process that if you do what they want they will like you.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:54 pm 
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Mr Nice guy doesn't get the girl. It's Mr Mean or Mr. bad guy who get the girl, because they are interesting and attracting.

I made this mistake and I am still making this mistake being Mr. Niceguy:
Because you don't escalate, take risks, afraid of losing her or getting ditch, you are nice. Nice is something a friend is and you will end up in the friendszone.

Kino, smell hair, show bounderies, say NO to her, (don't underestimate the power of NO!), qualify yourself as a potential lover.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:07 pm 
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I want to warn you to be careful. There is a reason why the community term AFC does not include the word "nice" in it. Politeness, chivalry, and kindness are not weaknesses.

For instance, if I ask a girl out on a date, I will often pay because I fucking asked. I will not pay for every single date. If I offer to pay and the girl says she does not want me to, we split the bill and I do not continue to push to pay.

If I am with a girl I have known for a while at the bar, I may buy a round because she is my friend. If I met her 5 minutes ago at the bar, she can buy her own damn drinks.

The idea that women love douche bags is an AFC philosophy. It is a school of thought when guys that are overbearing and clingy don't see that the world isn't black and white. There are more ways to act than nice vs cruel. It isn't that he's a jerk that gets the girls attention. It is that he is confident, engaging, and doesn't treat her like a goddess with affection and gifts.

You can be nice and get the girl, you just gotta not be the nice guy in a bad romantic comedy movie.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:09 pm 
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Be the good guy. Not the nice guy or the mean guy, but the good guy. A combination of soothing personality with a fiery passion for adventure.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:16 pm 
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Start respecting yourself.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:31 pm 
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The "nice guy" syndrome is more complex than a simple nice vs. bad vision...

Before joining the forum (after a breakup) I stumbled upon a good post defining the whole "nice guy" thing. It basically shows how the nice guy are not being nice at all but just needy. It really enlightened me.

http://www.pualounge.com/phpBB3/viewtop ... 210d33fee1

From the post:
Quote:
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 12:16 am 
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Afc Daniel start with double your dating of dangelo, read the game for entertainment...And you can be still be a nice guys and get girls you do not have to change who you are as a person... The mistakes i have seen nice guys make is the neediness, and being too accommodating, lack of skills...Most true puas are nice guy that love woman...

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 9:20 pm 
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First of ask yourself this question...

Are you being nice because you are a good guy, or are you being because you're seeking approval from others?

Needing external approval and validation is VERY unattractive, and it diminishes your personality and your individuality. A person is defined by their preferences, it's important you have your own likes and dislikes and express them, instead of liking whatever she likes and disliking whatever she dislikes. How the hell is a girl supposed to be attracted to you if she doesn't know who you are? What is she supposed to be attracted to?

If this sounds like you than I suggest you work on your inner game, I would recommend downlo... err I mean buying David Deangelos Advanced Series and Deep Inner Game series.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:31 am 
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Nice guy or afc nice guy?


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:46 am 
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My friend, I was in the same boat not too long ago. It's not easy breaking out of the "nice" guy rut. I've given my friends a lot of advice I've learned from here and they rarely take it. It seems like the natural thing to do to give a woman whatever she wants. Your personality can be enough to attract a girl, but once that has happened your flawed logic of "she's the queen, I must serve her to gain her acceptance" will push her away. A lot of good relationships end this way, had to learn this one the hard way.

The posters above are mostly correct. My two golden rules of gaming are:

1.) I'm the prize. She's the one that has to earn me.

2.) Never give a woman what they want directly. Unless I feel like it.

HB: Buy me a drink
Me: Are you broke?

You've got a long way to go man. Start with David Deangelo "Double Your Dating." Lots of good stuff on how you should frame your attitude towards women in there.

Best of luck!

- Muze


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:17 am 
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Shit, I think we've all been through similar phase in our lives ... unless ur a natural douche :)

I just kept telling myself over and over to just not give a shit. Change my image up, get a different haircut, buy new clothes, dress up more cocky, grow some facial hair etc. It does really make you feel cocky about yourself which get your head out of acting like a weak guy.

Also I joined the Army :lol:. Nothing to boost your confidence up faster than hang around a bunch of a-type personalities.


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