I'm usually on here giving advice, but I'm never too proud to ask for help when I need it.

The scenario:

I had a crush 6 years ago on a friend of mine. I was too much of a nice guy/AFC back then to do anything about it. My friend ended up dating her and I ended up dating a girl who is now my ex wife.

In the mean time, we didn't talk for a few years while I was married. About 6 months ago, I contacted her and we've hung out a few times and text each other sporadically.

Recently, she's made it a point to get together with me and go out, but not explicitly. I was very confused the first time because she wanted me to go with her to watch an old fuck buddy play in his band.

Last couple of times she's suggested going out, she's dolled up considerably.

I decided to use alcohol for plausible deniability. The logic was that I could loosen her up while also giving myself a back door to maintain the friendship if me coming on to her was rejected (really not the best approach or frame).

Skip ahead, first night, she gets a little tipsy and asks for a blanket then passes out. Next time we end up even drunker and end up fucking all night. I broke frame because curiousity got the best of me (another mistake). Asked her how long she's known that I liked her and also why she made it so unclear about her intentions. She said she knew from early on, but we were both in relationships. And danced around the second question.

There was conversation about us both wanting to date, but not a relationship prior to the frame being reset, then broken. We fucked 4 separate times including right before she left.

I also threw her a bone to see what she wanted and said something like "Awww, after breaking you like that, you're never going to want more." to which she replied "No, I just need 2-3 days to heal."

So, here's my dilemma. Other than avoiding being an AFC this go around, I haven't used any PU on her. I wasn't interested in working that hard for a lay. She's dated complete LOSERS for as long as I've known her. This is not me being AFC again, I'll elaborate. 3 of the last ones were unemployed drug users/dealers. Loser enough for you?

She also mentioned before the reframe that it's possible that she dates losers because she doesn't believe she deserves much more.

If I go PUA on her, it might start lowering attraction as I never used PU as a means of getting her. If I'm straight forward like the AFC I used to be and ask something like "what do you want out of this?" or "This is what I want out of this", it might convey that I'm not confident enough to be mature about this.

One other thing, she doesn't respond easily to cocky/funny, flirting or teasing. I'm not sure if she's shy about it because this is new territory for a long time friend, or I've just met a challenge.


I don't want to just have a fuck buddy. I like her too much for that. I don't want a super commited insta-relationship, because she has some characteristics that don't work for me long term. I want something casual, but monogamous (I don't fuck around unless I'm fucking around). Someone to fuck and go out with once or twice a week would be nice. We don't need to be blowing up each other's inboxes constantly or checking up on each other.


Any suggestions? My gut is telling me to avoid AFC like the plague. Be confident and assertive about what I want. And also avoid anything overly PU because that's not the type of attraction she's found in me.


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