I met a girl on a dating website and then we added each other on Facebook.

For 3.5 months we chatted on Facebook. I suggested meeting a few times. She once said she was shy of strangers. Eventually when I suggested coffee sometime she gave me her phone number to meet up.

Then she messaged me on Facebook one day and said, "let me know if you want to meet this week after work."

I replied to her on Facebook chat and we agreed to meet the next day, but no other details as she then went offline.

Next day, I called her and got her voicemail. Left her a message. Then I sent a text suggesting a meet-up.

About 1 hour before the time I suggested we meet, she texted me saying she had to work late that night. I replied suggesting a later time. She responded saying let's meet another time.

Since then (a month ago) she seems to brush me off on facebook (but she did wish me happy birthday on my birthday).

Why would she go cold so fast when she suggested the meet-up?

(Going by her photos, she is a good looking girl btw)

You came across a needy.

When you got her voicemail, you left a message AND sent a text, you're acting like if she's everything you have (whether it's the case or not).

When she canceled your meet up, you automatically requested another meet-up. She broke it, it's her turn to suggest a new one.

You say she brushes you off on FB, means you keep trying to contact her, again that's very needy. As for the Happy Birthday, everyone sends happy birthday wishes, even to people they barely know, sorry but that's the cold truth.

I suggest just moving on, stop trying with her, the more you try, the more she'll push you back.[/quote]

Why do you care about her so much? You don't even know her.

That might BTW be the same question she might be asking herself..

Some girls really are shy, even hot ones. She might have been in a mood to meet up in one moment and not in another one. Hell, some girls can love you and follow you to the end of the world in one minute, and another minute don't give a shit whether you are alive or not. Girls are emotional creatures.

You may try to call her once a month to see if she'd be in a mood to meet up. With some luck this could happen.

_________________
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

You did several things wrong. First, you had entirely way too much contact on Facebook before you asked her out. Three and a half months without making a move shows her you have low confidence.

Second, after she turned down meeting the first time and you kept asking shows you're needy. You should have lost her number the first time she turned you down. She's starting to take control here.

Third, she messaged you asking if you if you wanted to meet up. Usually I would accept incoming invitations like this if everything else had gone well up to this point. You could have asked the time/day and then set that up. In your case since she was dodging I would have turned her offer down, and said, "No, but I can make it next Monday at 4:00. Can you make it?" and then shut up. Don't say another word and listen for her response. Hell, I might have even said, "Let me check my schedule, and I'll get back to you. I think I have plans." Why would you make a date and then go offline without the details? It makes no sense other than she is completely toying with you and stringing you along. Also, here you should have ended all contact with her. At this point she knows she has control over you.

Fourth, like the other poster said you contacted her way too much with the call and the follow up text. It made you look completely desperate. Maybe you don't have any other plates spinning, but you have to give the impression you do.

With her history of how this set-up went when she asked if you could meet up another time I would have texted back, "No, not really." just to see her reaction. At this point you have nothing to lose, because if you had game you could have seen this was over a long time ago. A lot of guys I know, and I have even done it will start to string girls along at this point just for the practice to see how women's minds work. You could start saying completely off the wall things and you could have started breaking the dates assuming you were able to even make them. What I'm saying is play around with her like she did you, but keep in mind that she is off the table so to speak.

This is one of the reasons I recommend on this forum not to use Facebook. It might be okay if you have to use it to get the phone number, but none of the months of back and forth chatting, PM's, and Wall writing. It gives girls way too much wiggle room to blow you off, get out of dates, etc. It also can be thought of as a leash to keep you on to find out what else is going on in your life and create drama. I like to maintain a little bit of mystery. It builds attraction. It is my belief Facebook will only set you back in the end.

T - Bones' pretty much said it all, but I'd add one thing - Internet dating is full of flakes and fakes. One way to dispose/filter out all the chics that have no intention of actually dating is to be super alpha from that start. Every message you send has to be laced with the intent of a meet up. Be confident, be sexy....3 and a half months chatting to a girl online!?!?!? If you're talking for more than 3 and a half days and you haven't suggested coffee or drinks then you're going wrong in my opinion.

I wouldn't entirely stay off FB. I like using it as a DHV tool. Basically post pictures of fun nights with my friends, make sure to include pictures with cute girls. Any DHV activities could be posted, just don't use it as a "social" tool (ie posting crap about how you're visiting your grandmother, or liking too many statuses or commenting on people status)

One more thing. Why would someone that's afraid of strangers join an online dating site? That smoked her out as a fake right there. In woman speak what she is really saying is, "I'm afraid of strangers like you."

You have to pick up on this kind of stuff.

I know Facebook is for all ages, but I'm in my mid 30's and my dating pool consists of girls in their low to upper 20's. I even successfully F closed a 19 year old in Vegas recently. Not to toot my own horn too much, but I make a lot of money and I hang out with a good bit of high status people/friends. I do have a profile with my Wall turned off and pics of me surfing, with girls, partying, etc., but I just haven't really felt a need for it because I have other avenues of DHV, and I don't use it for the other reasons I listed like adds mystery, creates drama, jealousy, male leash, etc. Maybe I'll experiment using it for dating in the future

The reason I kept chatting to her on Facebook for so long was that I met a girl on an internet dating site previously and went on a date with her soon after and it was a little awkward as the realisation hit home that she was a complete stranger. I thought it better this time to get to know the girl before meeting her.

I am not going to contact her again. But if she contacts me, what would be some examples of "completely off the wall" things I could reply to her with?

Thanks so much!

Thank-you all for your honest and direct responses! I appreciate it.

I thought calling her rather than texting her to set up a date would be a display of confidence. Turns out it may have looked desperate.
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She is from a foreign country in Europe (part of the reason for my interest).

I have read that people from her country are generally regarded as shy and cautious of strangers which is another reason I took my time with her.

sounds like good advice

I'm responding to all of your posts here. Again, you shouldn't be chatting that long on Facebook before asking for a date or a phone number. The "getting to know" part is what going on the actual date is all about. Do not email that long on Facebook. You have a lot of excuses and rationalizations of why you didn't do the right thing because you don't have a concise game plan. You need to go study some sort of dating materials. Take your choice.

You did right by calling her for the date. You shouldn't have called and texted. You still sound lost. Go read all the posts in this thread again.

I say forget the stereotypes about what you read about girls in other countries. It doesn't matter what country a girl is from (you're rationalizing). It doesn't matter if she grew up on Antarctica if she has high interest level in you, and you build attraction she will go out on a date with you. If she's on a dating site she's obviously interested in dating. However, some weirdos on dating sites are just there for the attention, and they will feign interest and play you for as long as they can.

If she contacts you again asking if you can get together text back like I told you, "No, not really." or "Maybe. I don't know." or "The crystal ball says the outlook is dim." If she starts trying to string you along with more BS emails start responding with things like, "You know you really look like you're going to make a great friend. I always love making new friends." Gauge her reaction when you tell her that. Again, in case you're confused why I'm telling you to say this kind of stuff it's because the prospect of dating her is over. I think most will agree by her actions she is either not interested in you or she's out for attention. You also made too many mistakes in the beginning. Tell us what she says if she contacts you again.

Good luck with the next girl.