I basically posted this in the introduce yourself section, it was probably the wrong place to post it in, since i'm only supposed to introduce myself. Either way, let me post this here, since I believe this is the correct place:

Apologies to moderators

Hello all!

Been aware of this site for quite some time i do remember browsing through the forum. I've taken my time to post today I want to make it as short as possible, i'd appreciate it if you take your time to read whatever is going to be posted below

Main problem i'm facing right now, it's something I can't figure out myself, it's been a curse for ages.


Let me start off by saying i'm at the army at the moment, in the country I live in i am obligated to serve for 6 months, either way. I was in town again it seems as though my problems keep on getting tougher. I'm trying to approach it positively, i know you people here are not psychiatrists but i'm also quite confident you guys (or this forum generally will help me achieve my goals, or at least give me a point to start at).



So, i'm currently located somewhat away from home, i only get to get here every 4th day. Not long to go and i'll be (hopefully) living my normal life again.


My problem? I decided to meet up with a friend today in town and it all felt like I was struck by a thunderbolt.

For quite a few years I have been having the following problem:

For instance i would be walking outside or heading to a specific destination, lets say a bus passes by, i feel like i'm walking wierd, i feel like everyone is looking at me and my legs start to shiver, it feels like my knees can't hold my body any longer. Basically all that when i am around people. Just today, it really felt unbearable.

Let me give you some more examples, it doesn't even have to be a bus that's driving by loaded with people, even when i'm in town, same shit different situation. When girls come around this bullshit is doubled.

Another awkward bullshit? It's not just that it happens when i'm around girls or anything, it happens when i pass by regular everyday average looking people, heck even ugly ones.

At night i feel, if I had to say a percentage, i would say I feel 70% better about it.

I'm sick of this, i'm basically looking for a solution, i'm ambitious, i'm willing to put work and invest my time into this to try to hold my own ground. I want to just feel normal, you know what I mean?


Another wierd thing is, i'm not ugly, i'm not a virgin, i've had multiple girlfriends, the first one i had i was aged around 13 and she was like 16. I could have banged the crap out of her. Guess what? I didn't? She was even the hottest in school.

As time passed by, girls even used to approach me. I've had multiple "girlfriends" afterwards with whom i decided to break up after two weeks? Note: I didn't even want to bang them, i felt turned off. - note, i am not gay. I even watched gay porn, that's effin disgusting. No offence to any gay or bisexual ones

Sure, i wish i had banged all the girls i had encountered now, but that's not the point i'm trying to make here. I'm just trying to figure out what you guys thinks triggers all this?


I just wanted to create a new self, sooner or later I have to sort it out, guess what? I'm not going to wait no longer and I want to sort this out now, i'm a fucking man, damnit. At least I try to be. But it's like a brick wall. Even if it takes a year, i have, i MUST do something against it.


So here I am, desperately trying to improve. Seeking help from you people hoping I can learn more. Once i'm done typing this I will probably browse the forums.

I just want to know what you guys think is my main problem and where I should start? Is it self confidence i am lacking or is it some sort of syndrome that i'm cursed with my entire life?

I feel like I can over come whatever this shitty obstacle is in my path, i just want to seriously find out what it is. Do you guys think I have a confidence issue? Suggestions about books I should read are very welcome

I greatly appreciate any help,
thank you for your time guys


- just another guy trying to fix things before it goes out of control

Thanks

I would say try to desensitize yourself from this situation and approach. Start in places in which you cannot fail, I would say with your fellow service members, preferably someone who is lower rank than you. Then move on up after that. Do you think that would work?

Are you talking specifically about the army with the lower rank part?

Basically we can't even go out, so the major problem i'm discussing here is when i'm at home, wearing civilian clothes and when i have the opportunity to go out

Yeah, try opening in common places like the chow hall, smoke pits etc.
Once you are in your civies, try starting slow and do situational openers, and get a response. Then once you do enough of those try continuing the conversation and so on so forth.