i really like this girl who goes to my school i want to get to know her but im kinda worried to go and talk to her as she's older but i cant stop thinking about her and im beating myself up that i haven't talked to her and i always check her profile on Facebook and i don't feel like this about other girls and i cant think about other girls either. this i know is bad case of oneitis but when i feel like this is is really that bad ?

so, you want our opinions on whether one-itis is bad or not?

i mean...that's it?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Just be like, "Hey you're cute so I just wanted to say hi."

yeah i mean whats the problem with it ? and why do people say its so bad ?

People say it's bad and you're a perfect example of why it is. You can't even get on with day to day tasks without thinking about this girl and you get all depressed whenever ever you think about her. Also focusing on one girl when there are loads more out there isn't good for your game, your holding yourself back.

Trust me I know exactly how you feel, I have been there but you should either suck it up and go over and talker to her or move on. I know it's easier said than done but it;s just one of those things.

In your case, yes, it is bad. Here is why - You are spending your time and energy pining over this gal and admiring her but it is all wasted time and energy.

- it is not benifiting you at all because you are not getting anything out of it. There is no return on your investment of emotional time and energy because you are sitting on your hands doing nothing. You are not moving forward in any manner.

- it is also creating distress and insecurity in you. Each moment you are sitting on your hands doing nothing you are feeding the insecurity monster inside and that monster is getting bigger and stronger each day. as you become more anxious and insecure that monster gets stronger and gets more skilled an efficient at holding you back and ruining your happiness.

- Your oneitis is keeping you from interacting with and getting to know other girls. The less you interact with girls the less you know about them and the less you learn how to deal with them and connect with them.

- Your oneitis is not benifitting her. She does not know that you like her and appreciate her. She is not flattered, she does not feel appreciated, she does not feel admired or respected and liked at all because you have not approached her or communicated with her.

Women like to be admired, noticed and appreciated. Your insecurity is depriving her of getting to know you and knowing that you appreciate her. There are no guarentees that she will like you romantically or want to date you but if you are normal, healthy, decent person she will like and appreciate that you notice and appreciate her.

So yes, you have a bad case of oneitis that is harming you and is negatively affecting your life. You need to treat it and get passed it.

but i really like this girl and i don't think of her in a dirty way if i went out with her i wouldn't want a meaningless sexual relationship i would want a relationship which is actual love and i know this must sound gay but thats how i feel about her and that cant be bad, can it ?

You sound quite young and this sounds very much like puppy love. Im not trying to be condescending but this is something a lot of us go through.

Luckily you have been able to recognise you have oneitis and so will be able to look at it from a different point of view. Like I said, many of us (me included) have went through this and your case is no different. You think this girl is different from any other girl and that if you could only get her then your life would be perfect.

The thing is, if you dont get her(or keep her), you will start to develop the idea that you need her to be happy. This is oneitis. Even if you have an awesome setup in life, you will be convinced you need her to make it better. This will cause you to miss out on other opportunities and women because you will be too busy thinking about her. Thats why oneitis is a bad thing.

She is not the prize buddy, you are. Remember this.

Thanks i understand why its bad now, im just finding it hard to not think about her or go on her Facebook profile.

How can you really like a girl you dont know? Think of a christmas present. You like the look of it, you like the thought of what might be inside, but until you actually open it, you have no idea what you are getting so you cant make an assumption that you;ve got an awesome present

Talk to the girl, get to know her, then decide if you like her. If you're infatuated with her now, you'll look over her faults and they'll come back to bite you in the ass. If you dont get over the obsession, you'll get jealous for stupid reasons (she talks to some guy) and you'll end up ruining any chance at any sort of relationship with her

Wow, that is one of the most awesome analogies I've ever read concerning this. Even prompted me to think. Thanks, man.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

The thing is bro, being that you've never spoken to her you know nothing about her. So how could you possibly feel anything real about someone who you know nothing but surface details on?

Like the guy above said we've all been through this. You'll snap out of it as you mature.

And best believe there are probaly 50 other guys from you school that are going through the same thing you are with the exact same girl. They probaly stare at her profile everyday also. Which one do you think will have her?

Probaly the dude that looks at her an says " she's kinda cute I'd bang her"

Women are attracted to the guys that are most likey to fuck them an leave.

Persception is everything