Don't judge/hate.

I'm married.

Love the wife, love the kids...love the game.

My approach, as a result, has to be adapted to a great deal more caution and discretion than is typical of the PUA.

Anyone else here in the same boat?

It's complicated: maybe the game is a way to blow off steam from the frustrations of life with family, maybe it's a continuation of lifelong self-destruct tendencies. I'm not thinking too hard about it, just trying to max out on the fun without doing anything stupid that lands me in divorce court.

I searched...but all I found were threads about SHE'S married...

No judgement, I just think you should speak to your wife.

You want to flirt, yeah that's fine, but if your in a marriage that should be out of the system to the point where you don't need to bother.

I'd talk to her about that kind of stuff, but then.. what do I know?

I think one of the best parts of the game is nobody knowing I'm playing...that and the immense danger of it. Both of those (as well as my marriage/family) would kind of be wrecked by acknowledging it to the wife, so no...talking to her about it is not a good idea.

That's not really the part I need help with anyway...it's more like tactics/techniques that work, but that don't require totally giving myself up in public (myspace, FB) as a player.

Heres the thing you can try your darnest to hide what you are doing from your wife, but the longer you keep this up the higher the chance she will find out what you are doing. The thing is you can't have both words here as you can't go out and pretend to be single and then go home and be married. Pick one and stick to it as playing both words is just asking for trouble. You know what you are doing isn't morally acceptable, saying that are you willing to lose your family over this?

I am curious tho how far do you want to take things with the girls you flirt with? With you mention being a player I take it you want to go all the way with these girls?

Yah, I am with you on the duplicity...that's too complicated. I don't think I could keep it straight in my head.

How far? Depends on the girl...full close if it seems safe enough and I can stay insulated from potential freak-out drama.

I'm inclined to believe there's a way to do this gentle and slow enough to build enough trust in the process that an acceptable amount of risk is eliminated. There will of course always be some risk (in my position), but I think I can mitigate enough of it to succeed.

I don't know that I'm willing to 'lose my family'...but I'm willing to take a certain amount of risk in order to play the game...and decide as I go how much is too much.

You should have been gaming before marriage, not after it. And if you decided to put a ring on woman's finger then it should have been (for you) the best girl on this planet. Pua community and every seducers mindset must be build on morals and nobody(probably) here will agree with your idea.

Would you get mad if you would know that your wife cheated/cheats or is going to cheat on you?

Do you love your wife? Don't you just think about getting a deep conversation with her and/or tring to relight that fire? Marriage consists of you both and some decisions must be made by both of you.

Every action has an reaction.

How interesting...I'm ready to hear from someone who actually IS married.

Anyone?

This

. . .

If you still would like to do this, despite having a serious thinking session with yourself - I suggest you only do cold approaches. Cold approaches in the sense that you don't give away anything about yourself that holds true. Fake name should do it (if you're only looking for no-string one night stands).

Keep away from any girls that can potentially be connected to you, your friends, your wife, your wife's friends, etc.

There actually is a way that you can remain happily married and yet get out and game and have sex with other women and not get dragged into divorce court. However I am assuming that you are too self-centered and that you do not have the level of respect, compassion and communication with your wife to actually be able to do it.

I am talking about swinging. My wife and I have been swinging for several years and it has worked well for us but it is not for most. For starters, the most important thing that has to occur in order for a couple to swing is the wife has to buy-in to it and be an active participent. In swinging it is all about the women and the women are the ones that make all the rules, set all the boundries and are the ones that make things happen. the guys just get to enjoy the ride (but oh what a ride it is!!! )

In order to give swinging a try you will have to communicate deeply about your sexual desires and fantasies AS WELL AS HERS. In order for it to work it has to be fair and consensual for both parties and you will have to work as a team.

Also, you will have to be willing to accept that she will have a million times more attention than you and a billion times more opportunities than you. You will also have to be able to see her with her eyes rolled back in her head busting out a big ol' orgasm while her legs are up over some other dude's shoulders while he is pounding it to her. Do you think you will be able to get it up and perform with another woman (his wife no less) while that is happening???

Since you are willing to step outside your marriage and cheat, you probably do not have the secure kind of marriage and the level of trust and respect that you will need. You will probably also be too self-centered and selfish to be able to work as a team with her.

You probably won't be able to make it work but I at least had to throw that out there that it is an option for those that are married but still like to have some variety.

Oh and if you think you may like to give the swinging community a try as a cheating husband, it won't work. Swingers HATE and I do mean HATE cheating husbands. You would have better luck picking up drunk fat chicks in bars or logging onto AshleyMadison than getting anywhere in the swinger community as a cheater. It won't work to pose as a single guy either, people there are too smart and will see through that.

Some day you will be sitting alone on a cold, rainy morning thinking about "if I had only spent more time working on being a fantastic husband, than on learning how to game other women, this wouldn't have failed".

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

And? So?

Ultimately...ALL of us are alone. Most of the gamers I'm reading about are alone and bouncing from one illusion of intimacy to another. I don't get why you totally diss 'oneitis', but have this solemn respect for monogamy/marriage.

Marriage is like, the ultimate hard-core case of oneitis!

This is a VERY confusing ethic...I'm having a really difficult time processing the disdain for philandering from THIS, of all, communities.

You guys have never been married, huh? You have no idea...it's still some idealized utopian concept for you I think.

Most of us that are married are getting some on the side...what is so shocking that those of us who are like to make a game out of it?

I am married, and can vouch for everything that has been said so far.

Imagine the face your wife would make if she walked in on you fucking some random girl you met at a bar, or if she could listen in on the conversation you're having with that cute little beach-body shopping for lingerie at the mall. Imagine how devastated her sense of reality, trust and compassion will be once she realizes that everything she believes in and holds dear is a complete and utter lie facilitated by a man she thought she loved, but about whom she actually knew nothing.

If you can do that, and it doesn't immediately kill any potential boners you might get for the rest of the day, you married the wrong woman and should log off MPUAForum and tell her so right now.

Your boy,
870

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"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

I don't think I have any interest in that.

Character assaults aside, one of the biggest excitements of the whole gamer thing is that it's so taboo and my wife is NOT in on it.

It's power.

Is it wrong? You seem to have decided...but it's kind of interesting to see the gamers start throwing moral/ethical foul flags. One might also assume that manipulating chicks into having sex habitually and chronically is hurtful, deceitful and self-centered, even if you and they are single.

There are perhaps more healthy, positive, less risky and potentially damaging ways to reclaim personal power or exercise control over my situation.

I'm trying this at the moment though...

So far, I haven't seen the fact that I'm married show up as a big stumbling block. In fact, it didn't matter at all. All of the same rules and ideas about communicating with women applied and worked...she was married too and couldn't get out of her panties fast enough.

I'm thinking that with just a little practice and knowledge, I could duplicate (for better or for worse) that experience at will.

I travel. A LOT. I meet lots of random, interesting people and visit and revisit their cities regularly. There's a way for me to do this that exposes me to less risk than picking up women at my wife's workplace or at the grocery store or our kids school or wherever...but honestly, the risk of getting caught is the best part.

I can't possibly be alone here!

I didn't read most of the responses here but this comment stuck out to me. Carrying around a secret that could wreck your marriage is not a good thing, there's a whole part of your life that you're not sharing with your wife, you are essentially wearing a mask. I don't know about you but I'd be unhappy with that.
I think the best policy in any relationship is complete honesty, if I lie to protect myself, it indicates that I'm ashamed of who I am or what I think and I'm done with that life. Also, as Kant says, in lying, you remove a person's ability to make an informed decision and, to me, that's abhorrent.

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One cannot lose what one has never had.

I am happily married and I engage in recreational sex with other married women. It is something I do WITH my wife, not behind my wife's back without her knowledge or consent. It is something we do together as a couple.

Going out looking for extra poontang just to satisfy your own selfish urges while your wife and family are home unaware is just selfish and harmfull. WHEN she finds out and when the other husband finds out it is going to be painfull and cause harm to a lot of innocent people, primarily the kids.

There is a reason that cheating is looked down on in regular society, in the swinging community and in the PUA community and that is because it brings so much harm and pain to the innocents.

If you and some other cheating wife want to bang one out that is your business but when the shit hits the fan (and it always does eventually) there are going to be a lot of innocent bystanders getting hurt too.

I offered a viable solution which is swinging but just as I assumed, you wanted a power trip and wanted your own selfish urges catered to and you don't want your wife to have the same opportunity.