| So I’m sitting on the train to my hometown. There is one thing I should mention. I left my home country when I was 19 years old. I go back regularly but mostly for short periods of time. My whole change, seductive and otherwise has happened abroad. I have not even had sex with one woman from here. I’m okay with this for the time being. I simply take my time home as being no women time.
But now I’m sitting in the train and it has been almost two weeks since I last had sex and I’m feeling extremely sexual. I decide to look for a woman and tell myself there is at least the possibility of fucking her in the bathroom of the train, so why not.
So there is a cute Sri Lankan girl and I sit down. I stare at her, seeking eye contact, but she avoids my gaze. After a few minutes I tap her leg and ask her something about the train route. I start talking. I use heavy kino. She doesn’t withdraw. But I’m just not used to flirting in this language. I’m self-conscious about other people overhearing us. She is somewhat attracted to me and doesn’t withdraw on my kino, but what I say is completely off. I’m not making her feel comfortable.
We talk for a bit and then she calls someone and she is talking in Sri Lankan and I’m pretty sure she’s talking about me with a mixture of disbelief, amusement and a bit of arousal. I know borderline creepy to her. But then I decide to push this thing and escalate as far as I can until I fuck her or until she tells me to back off. So I do. I take her hands, sit next to her. Escalating. Escalating.
And then I’m there: ‘Back off! No more body contact.’ I wait for a few seconds, smile. She is becoming more resolute. ‘I’m not joking. Back to your seat!’ So I sit back. She gets off a few minutes later and tells me to watch what I’m doing in the future. She is angry. I smile. My victory.
Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Success.
You’ve heard it a thousand times. I’ve heard it a thousand times. Somehow it still doesn’t register. Somehow it is the most difficult thing.
Failing.
You fail, you fail. You keep failing. Eventually you succeed.
The more you are willing to fail. The harder you are willing to fail. The better you will get. And the faster it will happen.
So go out there and fail.
I knew I was going to creep her out. I still went for it. I wanted that failure. If I had always acted like this I’d be phenomenal today. The thing is…Failing is hard.
We are trained to fit in. To adapt. Never to offend anyone. Don’t talk to strangers. Be a nice guy.
How often did you not talk to a girl because you thought you might come across as creepy?
How often did you not do something because you were afraid of failure?
I know…
(If you want to read about one of those rare beings who does not seem to be scared of failure at all read Richard Branson’s autobiography ‘Losing My Virginity’.)
Retrain yourself. Embrace failure. Push your limits. As much as you can.
The next time you go out, don’t try to get numbers or closes or whatever. Try to get rejections. Say I want to get 10 rejections and I will keep escalating with every single woman until I get there. Now there’s a goal!
To do this is liberating. It teaches you that those fears are unfounded. It teaches you that even if that girl finds you creepy, you’re really no worse off than before. In fact you’re better off, cause you found out that she wasn’t the woman of your life!
We yearn for comfort. We yearn to be in a zone where nothing bad can happen to us. Stepping outside is difficult. It takes willpower. It takes guts. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Maybe your comfort zone gets bigger, but stepping outside will always remain difficult. If you want to change, that’s the only way. There IS NO WAY AROUND IT!
Inner game
What’s good ‘inner game’? Is it to believe that you will be able to seduce any woman? That you are irresistible?
That’s what most pickup products seem to sell you. Or the illusion of it. Listen to my favorite master of dishonest marketing Vin DiCarlo:
‘Finally, You'll Never Feel Fear Again...
You'll Never Run Out Of Things To Say...
And You'll Become Super Confident Around Women,
As Easily As Reading A Book!’
It is so appealing cause it suggests that you can get good without doing the thing that scares you. That you can get good without leaving your comfort zone. That all it takes is reading some book. If you believe you can seduce anyone then obviously there is nothing scary about approaching.
It is also complete crap. It is one of the main reasons that the majority of people fail at pickup. It provides the perfect excuse not to confront your fears now: you’re not ready yet. The time to approach will come once you have no fear. Buy another product. That will get you there. Then you can finally approach. Get over it. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
The inner game you want IS THE BELIEF THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS YOU WILL BE OKAY. (credit 60 years of challenge)
It is knowing that even if you get turned down, it doesn’t matter. And it is the strength to act on that belief. If you’re there you are in a place of tremendous power.
Why I’m in this whole thing
Is it only about women? About sex?
For me it is much bigger. It is about conquering your fears. It is about living in the present. It is about going for what you want.
Most of us spend our lives protecting our fragile egos. We base our self-esteem on false, unexamined beliefs and to protect those beliefs we remain inside a small, familiar, self-imposed universe. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t change. Keep doing what you’ve been doing.
If you want to live a great life you have to fight that lazy accommodating part of yourself. We all have it. You have to learn to recognize the excuses you tell yourself and step outside that box.
Here is my advice: DO SOMETHING CRAZY! Creep women out. Go out with a dildo strapped on your head. Go skydiving. Go traveling. Take acting classes. Apply for jobs you’re not qualified for. Sing on the subway. Go caveman on the hottest woman you find in a highly visible place. FAIL, FAIL AND KEEP FAILING.
If you want to change. If you want success. If you want a life of pursuing your dreams instead of preserving your ridiculously fragile ego, this is the way.
It is difficult. You will fail a lot. You will be scared a lot. You will feel your body tense, your hands shiver. You will feel every part of you wanting to run away. And when you act anyway you will still come across as a weirdo a lot. But it will also be the most rewarding thing you can do. It will teach you lessons you cannot even fathom. It will be your way to live a life that is self-directed. It will be a life dictated by pursuing your dreams and not by accommodating your fears.
And along the way, you will get laid a lot. Promised☺!
flowofsoma . com _________________ ----------
www.flowofsoma.com
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