I have a couple of good guy friends who I saw using pick-up-artist tactics in a bar, interrogated them about it (because I thought it was beyond brilliant and one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen) and did a little research online, and then came across this site. I occasionally read posts on here, frankly because anything about true alpha males instantly turns me on.

Anyways, I have a question and think this would probably be the best place to ask it. * I completely apologize if this is in the wrong forum!* I’m in my early 20’s, an attractive, educated and ambitious woman, assertive, but not necessarily an alpha female (although I like to pretend). I am very used to getting everything I want from guys all the time and I am rarely told “no”. I’m pretty sarcastic and witty and probably come across a little intimidating. On the other hand, I can be sweet and compassionate. Finding a guy who can keep up with me, push me back and provide the intellectual stimulation I need is like finding a needle in a haystack. While I know that I come across as dominant and maybe even demanding, if I find a guy who can out play me, or match me, I’m more than willing to let him lead, in fact, I can actually become extremely submissive. One of my guy friends who uses PUA techniques even told me that as much as he likes to hang out with me, sometimes I’m exhausting and just too much for him.

So my question(s) is this, for the type of guy I’m looking for – a dominant male who is assertive and basically won’t put up my crap- is constant challenging too much? Is it too much work to keep up with a woman who is always “on”? And if I find someone dominant enough to know how to handle me am I just supposed to respect that position of control in the relationship, or is a little push and pull a good thing and I’m just supposed to wait for the right guy who has the stamina for it?
Thanks guys!

In my person opinion the healthiest relationships are the ones where the man takes the lead. However if you're looking for a man like that it wouldn't hurt to use some game and flirt as well.

I agree with above. I do think there are definite roles for men and women. Men SHOULD be the leader, however this needs to be defined.

I teach dance and it is a 100% correlation with relationships, in my opinion. In a dancing "relationship" you have a lead and a follow, typically male to female. When I was taught, my teacher said, "you will go to clubs and see these great guys dancers, doing these awesome turns and reading the music well, BUT, they are "All about me dancers." He said, "your ONE job as a lead, is to make her look beautiful/good." EVEN THOUGH you are leading her every move, basically, if you are doing it well, everyone will be watching HER, not you!." This is the same for relationships, I believe. It is a leading of Sacrifice, but there is a definite LEAD!


So, for you, yes, a woman is who dominate all the time, I believe, is overcompensating for something that has been lacking with men before, just like today we have a bunch of pussy guys. So, I would say it would be nice to find a girl today that isn't so INDEPENDENT that she can't be lead. Even in the dancing world, to find a girl like this is rare as you finding a guy who can lead you...

Good luck in finding one...great question, by the way too!

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"I forgive you...."

i need a constant challenge...about like i need a second job, lol. (not at all)

the point of being in a relationship is to groove together, not be constantly bumping into one another. if i wanted that, i would stay single, that way i wouldn't have to "fake" that constantly new and "challenging" feeling.

but me personally, i don't want a woman who is a second job.

and although you probably are a great girl, (yes, before anything thinks it or says it: i am an asshole), but quite frankly you sound like a second job.

i want a woman who will be there for me on the deep meaningful things that matter, and i will for her. trust, honesty, monogamy, family, kids, laundry haha, whatever. i don't want a woman who will spend the rest of her life constantly challenging me.

don't get me wrong, i would DATE her in a hot minute, and really like her and want to be her friend even, but i would NEVER commit to her.

i think too highly of myself to put myself in a situation where i would have to constantly "prove" myself day after day, week after week, year after year.

I think you miss out a lot of guys! as it seems you are looking for someone suitable for a relationship. Especially if you are looking for a guy who is intelligent and faithful. Many of those guys either can't handle a super dominante woman, or just prefere the feminin and easy to be with type of woman.

In a relationship, I may have the dominante role when we go out, etc, but it's more of a role. In the realationship itself I prefere to keep it quite 50% / 50%.

BTW, Captain Morgan, what kind of dance?

I worked in a studio for 2 years and was certified in all the ballroom dances, but that got lame and was killing my love for dance. Now, I mostly teach Swing (All forms), Salsa, and Hip Hop. I would say Lindy Hop and Blues are my top.....you dance?

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"I forgive you...."

Sounds cool. I never did much Lindy Hop or Blues yet. But would love to try it.

I do latin ballroom dancing at tournaments (like in the movie Shall we dance). It's fun to do Salsa too. And girls usually love it. Often they get that glimsy look and all you do is lead them and do some fun push/pull

I would have to agree with what was previously stated. As much fun as it can be to be with a girl who is always "on" and challenging, it can get tiring. There are days where the only thing I want to do is sit around in my boxers and play some NHL 11.

Don't get me wrong, I love girls who are intellectually stimulating, but from what I gather from your post, that's not the "challenging" you are referring to.

I don't want to come home from school or work and have to try and game my girlfriend to keep her happy.

Keep doing what your doing girl, never settle for less than what you think you deserve and never stop being who you are. This is 2011, there are no more male/female roles....while there is nothing wrong with a litte chivilary dont just give up and become a housewife.
Finding a guy for you may not happen at a bar, you seem to be a natural, your fun and smart and seem to be the type of person who constantly needs new information and is always absorbing new knowledge. Combind that with a pretty face and some confidence and absolutely you can be indimidating.
When you say you tire your PUA friend out, thats because PUAs are fakers, if we were naturally good with women we wouldnt need to practice this crap ( im not knockin the forum, cuz the support network is great and it does help alot). You need to find a guy who leads just as fast paced a life as you do.
Absolutely do not just become submissive, there is a time and a place (in bed or opening a pickle jar) where you need to let the guy be a man and let his testosterone guide him. Thats not to say that we dont like to be dominated sometimes as well.
As im sure this round about answer hasnt helped much, when you find someone, he will be someone who will call u on ur b/s, challange ur ideas and beliefs, but at the end of the day respect you and be completely comfortable with.
This doesnt happen over night, you may need to go out on a limb and take a chance on a guy you normall wouldnt date, maybe you are lookin at a specific type of person whos personality doesnt match the external image.

P.s. loose the princess thing, you need to get used to hearing no or you will fight endlessly. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE

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If youre not willing to risk, you cannot grow. If you cannot grow, you cannot be your best. If you cannot be your best, you cannot be happy. If you cannot be happy, what else is there?

I agree with Capps. That said, I think once your alpha male gets you in love and in a committed relationship, I think the dynamics of the relationship change and you can have a 50-50 kind of balance. I think a real man will know how to handle you. So no, I wouldn't change. I'm a girl as well, so don't take my word for it LOL. But I do have a good male friend, who can't seem to stay with a girl for longer than a year and a half. The girls usually stop being interesting to him when they assume the typically female role in the home and stop being a challenge to him. He told me himself he wants a girl who will wrap him around her finger. That doesn't mean you will not be a good, caring and supportive girlfriend, it just means you won't lose yourself and let your man identify who you are. So you go girl!

there is a difference between being bold and spontaneous,

and being constantly difficult.

bold/spontaneous = rock climbing

difficult = being shit tested by your woman every night you walk through the door

fuck. that. shit.

who wants their manhood challenged every day and in every way? i am very comfortable in my manhood, SO MUCH AS IN FACT that if a woman i am with does not recognize or appreciate my masculinity, she can move the fuck on.

as a man, the world tests me every day. your home is supposed to be a sanctuary. PEACE. a refuge away from the harshness and constant challenges that a man (or person in general) faces in the world. fuck walking from that into battle zone #2. for me, it's not about being dominant or submissive, it's about being human and kind and patient and levelheaded and appreciative.

i would gladly date and befriend that type of woman, would i buy her? oh hell no.

OP brought up "alpha female"

I think there is some difference of opinion on what that means.

Alpha female in nature simply means the female that the alpha male wants and breeds with the most.

Alpha female does NOT mean tough, aggressive, assertive, dominating or anything similar.

Men's taste in women is influenced by whether they are going date or marry the woman. A previous poster said he would date a ball buster type but never marry one, and I agree.

If you want a very dominant man, that does NOT mean you should be a dominant woman. Otherwise you just get the heads butting all the time, it would be like two straight guys getting married, trust me it doesn't work out.

this may piss you off, and some men may not agree, but from a dom male perspective, a 1950's housewife is still the ideal.

Mack 2.0, I agree home should be a sanctuary and above all place of harmony. The girl said she is sweet and compassionate as well, I think the constant challenging thing is related more to the early dating phase. I would like to hear what the OP says about this.

*HIGH FIVE*

A 1950's housewife in a 2011 body. Ideally you want a girl whos going to cook a 5 course meal every night, clean the house top to bottom every day, rake the leaves, cut the grass, vavuum the pool then vacuum u in the pool. BUt thats not realistic anymore. Women have thier own individuality now, and lets be honest, can you afford to support a family on your income alone? if you can than great your wife can stay home, but the average person requires a dual income to survive. This is why you need to find a person whos got the same type of moral center as you, someone who feels the same way about important things like kids and travel and where you want to live. Because lets face it, we are getting older, Missy your in your 20's? so how many more 3-4 year relationships can you have without being with the person your going to marry? Realistically when you find someone you can have fun with and be comfortable with, you need to grow up and ask the important questions to see whether or not its even worth investing time in the guy or not. If hes a great guy and you get along famously, but he aspires to be a rock sculpture artist, you cant take him seriously and you need to move on.
That being said Mack you are totally right, a girl constantly challangeing your manhood and shit testing you is as frustrating as can be, and its even worse if the girl has trust issues ( my last gf fit that bill to a T).
Missy---take it day by day, you sound like a great girl, what you really need to do is make a list of what is important to you in a guy, think about what you have to have and what you can do without and it should become a little clearer once you have actually defined the problem.

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If youre not willing to risk, you cannot grow. If you cannot grow, you cannot be your best. If you cannot be your best, you cannot be happy. If you cannot be happy, what else is there?