Hey guys, first post here, seems like a stellar community y'all have going.

Im a 17 year old candian guy, still in high school so I imagine it must be quite hard to relate to me, but bear with me. After years of getting occasional hook-ups via absymal game, I got fed up and seeked a relationship; then I met this girl named abby. Virgin, has never "hooked up" with a guy, or even kissed one ouside of a dare-situation. Greatest girl ive ever met. anyways, we started out as friends, and wed go to lunch and hang out on weekends and stuff together, and it really seemed like everything was falling into place. She had never spent even 25% of the amount of time I spent with her, and it was fairly non-friend like, if that makes any sense. However, despite my progression, I kept hesitating to ask her out, and this procrastination occured over a 6 month process. Finally, 2 weeks after getting her some expensive-ass chocolates for christmas, and taking her to a hockey game (its big, and expensive here in canada) I told her that i had strong feelings with her, and felt that it was fair to her that she should know, and i was interested in progressing in this relationship. She was SHOCKED; I did this as I dropped her off at her house, in her driveway (might have been an awful place to ask her out, Ill let you guys respond to this with pointers) and she just muttered "okay thanks for telling me" and walked off inside. 3 days later rejectio came, and she insisted on staying friends cause she "really valued me" as a friend or wtv. Of course, at that point, I was heartbroken, and despite trying for the first few days to play it off as if nothing happened, I couldnt keep it going. I have stopped talking to her completely, and I feel like I just need time and space to move on. So All in all, I'm just curious whether my chances of getting her are 0 percent seeing as i still have feelings for her, and whether i should start talking to her again and how this is isnt beneficial in the grand scheme of things. Advice is greatly appreciated, I realize this isnt exactly a textbook picking-up-esque question.

I'm not trying to put you down but if you like a girl the worst thing to do is stay in the friend zone and buy her stuff.. although it is possible to be more than friends with her later on but what you have to do is not talk to her for at least a month, then talk to her again with a whole new attitude. What guys don't understand is that attraction isn't a choice for girls and the logical things you think will make her attracted to you will actually kill your chances with her. Girls love a challenge and when you tell her you have feelings for her your just putting your balls on a plate for her to take, you need to show her disinterest and be fun, tease her, be like a little kid again.. but whatever you do make sure that she doesn't think you like her anymore. Remember the attitude is you're definately going to want me but I don't want you. It sounds wierd but this is coming from experts who have been studying this stuff for years.

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what he said and never confess ur feelings,i dont get it why guys NEED to tell someone they like someone.we can just have fun,flirt,tease etc etc game on her till you guys make out or sleep together and wait till shes the one who starts the relationship topic even if you desperately want her to be go gf or go excusive. Telling her you like her or you love her is just giving her the power..your a man,u need to hold the power.

Thanks a lot for the help guys. I did exactly what you guys said, and exactly one month after the rejection she texted me, asking how Ive been. So my technique here is to show that ive moved on?? Do I try to talk to her less often (used to text her every second day at the least)?? Any other extra tips? you guys have been super helpful thanks a lot!

its not really what you say dude. its jsut the fact that youre texting her that she wants and likes

b yourself as much as u can.

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gO fOr It

I used to make this mistake all the time, I read about half your post then predicted the rest (I did read it as well after).

Where you went wrong

1. Don't be afraid to make your intentions clear from the start, if you hang out as something that feels non-friendly to you, its not necessarily the same to her, once you get into that friendzone its very difficult to get out. So you need to use kino and escalate early on, or at least make your intentions clear or that you're not going out as friends.

2. The last thing you want to do is TELL the girl you like her, you need to show it or escalate. I think there's a part in 60's that gives reasons on why not to verbalize your feelings. If you had tried to kiss her in the driveway rather then verbalise it, its alot harder for her to say no and the rejection is a lot easier to deal with, as you can just say "oh i dont know what came over me sorry".


From here, I would continue to be her friend, see her less but not in a way that will make her think you're being bitter, find a new girl or girls and see how abby reacts (Don't rub her face in it, if you're in hig school she'll probably find out). If she starts craving your attention let her do that for a while, and then when you start hanging out again properly make sure not to verbalize any emotion, use PLENTY of kino and escalate any chance you get, if you still get turned away then it looks like you are just friends.

My Response to Drak: (for some reason the quoting is not working for me:

1) I just got rejected so wouldnt it be too quick to escelate into kino this early?? Or am I just being soft-willed? Haha I try not to show it but I am not extremely confident so its difficult for me to break the touch barrier via kino this quickly. Do I disregard the fact that I got rejected and just continue to try??

2) I definitely now realize this, makes a lot of sense. Again, I dont have a lot of experience under my belt, hence why I am seekign these answers from you guys; its been extremely helpful thus far.

So do I continue to chat with her?? Do I focus on talking with her in person as opposed to texting? We used to go out for lunches a lot but I want this new relationship to not resemble the old one, I dont wanna fall into the friend zone again. Any other tips fellas?


From here, I would continue to be her friend, see her less but not in a way that will make her think you're being bitter, find a new girl or girls and see how abby reacts (Don't rub her face in it, if you're in hig school she'll probably find out). If she starts craving your attention let her do that for a while, and then when you start hanging out again properly make sure not to verbalize any emotion, use PLENTY of kino and escalate any chance you get, if you still get turned away then it looks like you are just friends.[/quote]

Hey people

Sorry to hijack the thread but I found the situation interesting (as ive been there before) and the answers very helpful so thanks!

Just a couple of further questions on the topic

1) When you say dont say you LIKE her but continue to flirt and tease... can I flirt by saying things like shes beautiful etc... just not overdoing the compliments and also teasing them a bit... i.e. I teased a girl about wearing too much makeup.. but then said she can pull off looking as beautiful without makeup... is that ok?

2) I had a situation where I let it be known from the begining that I wanted to go out with the girl on a date and she rejected me. Since then I stopped messaging but after a week she messaged me randomly and we had a bit of a chat. I havent said I liked her or asked her out again since rejection. Since then I havent messaged as much and when I dont for a while shell message me. Should I continue answering back her messages normally, or should I be cold on some days and normal on other days and continue to tease her? When can I actually make a move, if she doesnt (its been about 3 months like this and I want to make a move on her already!)

bump

bump...

bump

you can talk to her when ever you want, but your problem is neediness, you do a freeze out to de-tach yourself from her, the freeze out is for you, not for her, you need to de-tach from an outcome with a certain girl, if you don't talk to a girl for 2 months, but in that time you think about her for the whole two months, and don't meet any other girls, or have any de-tachment, when she comes back into your life, you will still be needy for her, the freeze has made no difference for you

game all the girls you like, if you feel attached to one girl who is not attached to you, you are setting yourself up for failure, to seduce a girl, the feelings are mutual, you have to express your feelings for her, just comming straight out and saying, hey I think I want to move into a relationship with you, is more like a buisness deal, then an expression, it is like putting a stamp on her forhead saying you are my property

let her be free and choose, express your feelings to her, you don't have to verbalize them, don't be concered with getting her, be concered with just speaking your mind and expressing yourself, you can escalate on her all you want

the only true rejection is a girl will not talk to you or be around you, you can flirt/hit on her/escalate all you want, but how much investment she gives in return is dependant on how interested in you she is,

as a guy you have to drop this need to get one girl, try to get all the girls you like, and if you only know one girl, then you have to fix this problem, don't invest so much of yourself into girls, until they invest into you, and be fearless and shameless about expressing your intentions, if you are afraid of losing her, you are attached to her, and need her, avoid this, don't make any specific girl a priority for yourself, give as little of yourself as possible until you see a reason to do so

figure out what those intentions are, you want a relationship with her?, what for?, do you want to own her? is it just the idea you don't want her to be with other guys?

is it sex you are after?

is it kissing her you are after?

is it just her company you are after?

figure out what you want, and attempt to obtain that compliance, just take it, don't look for her approval, just progress to that compliance, if she doesn't feel the same way, she will stop you, listen to her

if she pushes you away, then drop the need for her, and move onto a different girl, if she changes her mind, she will come back into your life, and she knows what she is getting herself into, persist where you left off

GOOD LUCK