It sounds silly i know but when i go to a club or bar im always stressed

im constantly looking for oppurtunities to pick up a girl and they usually end up in failure. when i talk to a girl its like my mind goes into a defensive calculated mode ("oh she said this well im going to respond like this and than i have to do this to not look desperate than i have to say a joke to not seem boring")

by the end of the night im miserable that i didnt get any action however all my other buddies who seem to put in little to no effort score.

i'm a lot more "free" when im drunk or on drugs but i want to simulate this feeling of confidence and not giving a fcuk on command.

i dont know if my problem lies in confidence issues or if i should work on how to relax but i do get quite nervous before any female encounters

Open with "did the my little ponies have super powers or were they just regular horses?"

I have never not had fun when I opened with that all night.

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You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

dammit, that is brilliant.

*jots it down ... My Little Ponies*