Hey everyone! I posted this in a different board and didn't have any luck. I'm just going to tell you the situation I'm in, what I've done so far, and what I've learned since. Hopefully I can get some good feedback.

My girlfriend has been acting more and more distant lately. She kept saying it feels like things have changed and what-not. I approached her to get to the bottom of why she's been acting that way. We were only seeing each other about twice a week, but she thinks we are spending too much time together.

I asked if she wanted to break up and she said no. I said we should take some time apart. She said that we didn't have to stop talking all together, but I flipped it around. I told her I need some time to think about things and figure out what I really want. The next day she asked what my schedule was this week. I said I'm working Sunday, so you can get anything of yours from my house you might need while I'm at work. She said she no, I wanted to know your schedule so we could talk about things. I told her I wasn't really in the mood to talk and for her to let me take my break from the relationship. That was 2 days ago.

I have not called or texted her or anything. Since then I found out that she has been thinking about this for a few weeks. An old boyfriend that lives 2 states away has been texting her recently. I think having him to fall back on gave her what she needed to make a move. She also was thinking about visiting him. I also saw a message where she told him she had been thinking about him and misses him. Her plan was to be distant and bitchy to me & thought I would break up with her. I guess that would make her not feel as guilty about going to see him.

She has no idea that I know what her plan was or that I know about her ex or any of the messages. I'm trying to figure out what to do now. I DO want to be with her and would hate for it to end. What should I do going forward? I will be out of town next week anyways, so I was planning on not seeing her in person until I get back in 2 weeks. I don't think her ex-boyfriend matters, because it's really about what's going on with our relationship that started that one up. I'm only going to use that info if I decide to break up with her, so I have a solid reason of her going behind my back to see him being her mistake.

This morning she texted "Happy Valentines. You don't have to say anything back. I just wanted to tell you." I said something back to her and she said, "Sorry I disrupted your break".

I really don't know where to go from here. I'm not sure how long I should wait to send her another message or try to meet so we can talk about things. I want to make sure she is without me long enough to really miss me. I would love some good feedback. I think I've played this out pretty well so far. Thanks in advance!!!!

GFTOW

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You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

I am 34 years old. I have only dated 2 girls longer than 2 months ever in my life. My number was over 50 before I ever even heard about PUA and I didn't even have sex until I was 20. I met a girl that was completely different than anyone I have ever been with. We have not broken up, so the whole GFTOW advise is ridiculous. If I want to cheat on my girlfriend, I would just break up with her and bang other girls. Maybe, if I was a complete toolbag, I would go behind her back and do things without her knowing. That's why girls have such a bad view on guys. We lie to them and go behind there back. That's lame, shamefully, and embarrassing.

50 women before pick up, total chode after pick up?


lololol

sounds like a scandalous ho. trying to "make you make her make you" break up with her so she doesn't feel bad about fucking her ex.

here is what i would do.

propose an open relationship. as a matter of fact, tell her that you really like her, but you sense that she isn't ready to be exclusive. and that is fine, because you aren't so sure anymore either.

ok you're silly now, you know the girl want you to break up with her so she can go and have at it with her ex and what do you do? You do exactly what she wants, even having de delicatness of not confronting her about it. You're obviously totally submissed and silly if you're planning to never let it out. She needs to know you know, and you need to talk it out. You will never build a healthy relationship keeping lies going.! Cause she will see you as the punk she is fooling so easily not as her great bf, whatever you do. You will never feel close to each other this way.

secondly i don't think she has been distant with you to feel less guilty. I think she genuilly feel far from you and might be attached to you, but you're not really dreamy for her anymore, so she try nd find the thrill somewhere else.

I don't think giving her the silence/break SPAM is going to make her miss you. I will only break the last attachement she had for you and that kept her around even though she is not feeling it.

keep on that strategy and you will lose her/ lose any good relationship with her AND she wll prolly hook up with her ex too.

please get some self esteem already.

imo it gets much better than this girl. You haven't had loads of experience so you might think she is your last change. Althought you're still young 34, you can still build a life with a girl. You don't want to keep this dead relationship going 6 or 10 more years, possibly have babies with her and realise in your 40's that it wasn't that, break up and realise you ruined your chance of building something great with someone else ( or severly threatened it)

with that said, if you really want to keep up i'd say you should confront her with the ex bf thing, cause it's important. It's the most obvious symptom of her distance with you, and see what happens. This might trigger a break-up, or a ttal change for he best. But it HAS to occur.

[quote="Mack 2.0"

propose an open relationship. as a matter of fact, tell her that you really like her, but you sense that she isn't ready to be exclusive. and that is fine, because you aren't so sure anymore either.[/quote]


but it's exactly what she want! best of both world. And it will only benefit her.Can't you see how submissive it is? She will get to fuck other guys and still keep this guy hanging out ( said guy that prolly won't be getting any and she knows it)[/b]

Well, people have been direct, so I'm just going to be downright rude.

Dump the bitch and let her rot. She'll get bored of her ex quickly and be left with nothing. Women like these (there are men like these too, you're not catching me there!) are like a bad weed. You yank it out, root and all, and throw it away.

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I have a nice side. Unfortunately you just missed him. -Hyde

i don't agree. but i'm a pretty cold person. that would be my way of telling her that i don't give a fuck about her, that she really isn't that important, that she doesn't even inspire enough passion in me to get angry or break up with her, and that i'll be around to remind her of what she is missing, while i'm fucking her sister and friends.

I have to agree with bbardot here although i know some of whats taught in the community has slighty different was of fixing this with jelousy and freezeouts.
A good book to read is Love must be Tough by james dobson.
You need to set boundries not as in freeze outs but laying down the lawof whats acceptable as in you love her but if shes having doubts she cant have it both ways. she would have been hopeing you had the back bone she needed for you to pull her away from her passions but you failed and she was right.
Whenever a girl is thinking of cheating in a longterm relationship its usually because shes lost respect for you.
good luck mate.

yeah but girls sense those things. She perfectly know she owns him in the pom of her hand, and she let him play the tough guy knowing perfectly it's a strategy, trust me she knows.
she doesn't even hide she knows that well saying " sorry for disrupting you break" it's like she talk to a kid saying very srs, " will your imaginery friend join us for dinner tonight?"

I am not advising the original poster to "act" like he wants an open relationship, I am actually telling him to "go for it" and offer her one. You seem to think I am telling him to play some sort of game with her. I'm not. I'm literally telling him to stop giving a fuck, to back off, to let her do whatever she wants, and see where things go.

What women want is attention. Above that, they want to feel important. If he is willing to just go "Meh...whatever...I'll still fuck you...when I feel like it." (AND GENUINELY MEAN IT), I fail to see how that gives her the power. If anything, it says "Frankly, My Dear, you just aren't as important as you think you are." Which for most women ... is soul crushing.

Good points Mack2.0 and it works great especially to get jelousy sex but i thnk the problem here is the disrespect so it comes down to what level shes at in her disrespect so if shes got him well read and thinks hes like a 'duck' calm not give a fck on the surface but paddling hard underneath then by him changing to a player she will think wow its really effected him and hes now a drinking womaniser when he had so many goals once became soft but didnt go back to the damn goals,ambition,spine instead drinking womaniser how original.
Definately get on with the goals and things start dance classes or whatever be an attractive in control MAN.
I heard it once said best ...Love is like holding a small bird you hold it too tight it dies hold it too loose and it flies away.

that's the thing. i didn't say anything about:

- being a player
- drinking
- or, womanizing

and i especially, am not recommending that he:

- seem calm on the surface
- but, look like a duck paddling water underneath

if anything, what i am recommending is the total opposite. i'll say it again. I AM NOT RECOMMENDING HE PUT UP A FRONT OR AN ACT. for those that missed it the first time. i am recommending that he GENUINELY tell her "do what the fuck you want" and literally be unphased by it.

there is no reason for him to give her his ultimatums or expectations of her behavior, to tell her what is or isn't acceptable, she already knows that shit.

to break up with her: is to be phased
to try to keep her: is to be phased
to try to change her: is to be phased
to try to teach her: is to be phased
to try to bargain with her: is to be phased
to try to communicate with her (at this point): is to be phased

to just say: "meh...what the fuck ever": is to be UNPHASED.

i don't want to hijack the thread or anything, it's just that some people don't really believe in letting go, backing off, and not giving a fuck. i'm one of those guys that can do it without it being an act. it seems you and bbardot assume i'm talking about "acting".

I got that but given that the guy has obviously a oneitis and is not exactly a don juan givn his record, it's likely that she will go around while he wont get any and stay on her hook while she gets fucked by other guys. not good.
he can say anything i'm pretty sure she will always know she dominates the situation. She doesn't seem worried at all. Actually it seems she doesn't care abot it that much anymore.