Hey guys,

Ok, this seems pretty obvious, but I'm looking for an expert opinion.

1. It's a girl from work (fail)
2. She's 6 years older than me (I'm 19) (double fail)
3. Epic oneitis draining all of my energy for 2 whole weeks thinking about her 24hr's per day. Not healthy!
4. She is not THAT hot, she is like a 7/8 max...

Anyway, I'll just skip the whole bit about IOI's etc... to keep this short. The bottom line is we've been working together for like 2 weeks. We talk, and stuff nothing special.

Last wednesday I asked her for her number, her response was "why?", I said "so when I go out I could invite you to come along sometime" she proceeded with giving me her number after that. ( A really weak number close, I know...)

I tried calling her yesterday, but couldn't get ahold of her. So I called her the second time this morning. Still no response.
I then texted "Hi, I'm going to be going to ..... wanna join me? Meet me there at 6pm. I'm going there 6pm, but I can go at 7pm if you want" (this is not exact)

Got a response saying "Hi, sorry, but I already have plans." Which yes, I know it means she's not interested in me, but what I'm asking is how should I go forward from here.
Should I text back something like "no biggie", "we'll do it next time", or should I just go direct confront her with "look, I like you, I'm attracted to you, but If you don't like me or have a boyfriend, that's cool"

The point is I want to get over this infatuation, and I need SOME legit closure. Like "I have a boyfriend I just don't like you that way" or w/e
This "Hi, I already have plans" response still gives my illogical oneitis ravaged brain the hope that she actually may be busy, and there's still hope.
Also, since she's my co-worker how should I behave around her when I see her on Monday. She will probably try to avoid me as much as possible.

"You're planning our wedding already? Damn girl - take it slow for once!"

Either take it a funny route with showing interest or take the high road and back off. I'd suggest the second one - but if you actually want her - it's your call. I do have to remark a few things.

You're coming off WAY to creepy & needy. Calling her like crazy, texting her.. take it easy man. A girl doesn't like to get creeped out - it's good that u got her number but you screwed up by calling her too fast, too much. Take it easy, let some time pass and maybe try again later.. that's my advice.

Your call

≠ LD

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Fair. I still haven't replied to the text. Maybe I should not reply at all, and talk about it at work. Or maybe I shouldn't bring it up at all, and act like nothing happened?

The thing about infatuation's you're not thinking straight, I can't convince myself with logic for some reason, there's always this voice deep inside that keeps saying "don't give up". Which is probably what gives off the vibes of neediness etc...

That voice of neediness is actually coming from the fact that you aren't going out enough to hit on more girls. It will dissapear with the more girl that you actually got around you - this is the failsafe switch that is talked much about.

Don't even just talk to her - atleast not for a while. Stop it - the more you think about it - the more you get hooked on it. Go out, find some girls and just talk to them. Your "one-itis" is a sign that you just don't have enough woman in your life.

≠ LD

_________________
Founder & coach at Dance 2 Seduce -- contact me for more information.

FREE coaching advice on Fridays from 22PM to 23PM at the MPUA chatroom.

You're right. It's not like I don't know these things too. My brain is playing tricks on me, it's saying that girl is "special", "the one" godamn, when I read back my messages I really do seem desperate... Thank You dude.

No problem man, glad I could help, cheers!

± LD

_________________
Founder & coach at Dance 2 Seduce -- contact me for more information.

FREE coaching advice on Fridays from 22PM to 23PM at the MPUA chatroom.

Embrace your neediness and it'll ease up, meaning if you admit it it'll eventually go away. Just try to forget about her and meet other girls. It's hard to pick up someone who's 6 years older when you're 19 and if you do it with weak game it's like impossible.
Don't text/call her anymore and just build up again when you see her at work. Keep the conversations short and be the first to break them up. Try to give off the impression that you really don't care and she blew her chance.
I don't want to get you out of your dream, but if you don't realize you shouldn't care and chances are minimal, it's going to eat you up.

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Optimistic?

You know it's funny, at first I wasn't even that interested in her. I mean I knew the fact that she's 6 years older, her world views are alot different from mine. I see the world in a positive light, seeing the good in everything, maybe a bit naive at times (hey im only 19 lol) and she's more realistic, always trying to bring me back to earth. Basically she's more mature. I think she's looking to actually settle down, and here I am with my naive personality.

I knew this wouldn't work, but then some people starting asking me how come i'm not asking her out (since we've been spending alot of time together, and getting along), and for some reason that put me over the edge, and I accepted the challenge even though knowing that the outcome of success was minimal.

I didn't know what I was in for, sleepless nights, overanalyzing everything, I started acting weird around her, and that probably turned off the attraction I've built up if any at all. I swear before I got infatuated I could tell there was plenty of IOI's from her, I wasn't really paying attention to that back then.

I don't know guys. I feel like should just confront her, and tell her how I feel, then maybe she'll bring me back to reality. I'll have to do it in person because she won't reply to me through the phone even if I try to call/text.

lol I feel pathetic

Don't be too hard on yourself and all things considered you really didn't play it all that bad and if she wanted to go out with you should would have. It was her choice and not because you screwed anything up.

Here's the real bad news. There is a world of difference in life experience, maturity and goals in life between a 19 y/o man and a 25 y/o woman. She is not going to see you as a potential boyfriend or even a traditional date.

You basically asked her on a teenage "hangout" date and a 25 y/o fem isn't going to want to hang out with a bunch of video game playing teenagers.

Now that being said here is the potential good news. Even if she doesn't see you as date/boyfriend material she may still think you are physically attractive and sexy and she may consider a recreational sport fuck. She may not but it is worth propositioning her and trying to seduce her nonetheless. The worst she could do is say no.

My advice is do not try to date her or try to get her to hang out with you and your buddies. Just try to fuck her and call it good. Either she will or she wont.

You know I sometimes forget this fact right there... You're right.

I mean she's 25, and I'm 19... It's starting sound a bit unrealistic in my head. I'm trying to think that's it not my game or whatever, it might be the fact that I'm "too young"... I know this is no excuse, but I know for a fact that another younger guy tried asking her out as well, but failed he's no PUA mind you, but still.

And, then again let's assume I do become her boyfriend or whatever. What am I supposed to do later down the line? Marry her? She's 25, so she probably is in that mindset right now. Fuck that. lol I got goals and shit.

Oh, and about "no strings attached" sex thing. Got any tips on how to approach that specifically? How would that work? I don't want to come on that way to much at work, so she doesn't freak out, and get me in trouble lol If she doesn't want to "go on a date" with me I don't really know how to build attraction, comfort from there etc...

Thanks