Hey, what do I say back to this? I tried to k-close her last time I saw her but she backed out of it. It seems like we have really good chemistry though and we have seen each other a few times. I called her today(didnt answer) so I txted her and she txted back a few hours later. We are planning to rent a movie and make a homemade meal together on monday night.

After I asked her she said she had plans monday night but is going to try and get out of them. Then said "but there wont be any like pressure right? Lol"

What should I respond to that? I was obv planning on trying to make a move and potentially f-closing her that night. Please respond quick! Thanks

"I certainly hope not but if you start pressuring me too much I may have to use some of that MMA training I have."

"I hope not, I don't perform all that well under pressure."

"Pressure no, but if you play your cards right there may be some opportunity "

"I'll try not to but if you wear those white shorts again that's just the risk you take LOL"

"Don't worry, if you start pressuring me too much I'll just give you a spanking"

Hahaha!
Awesome.

Whiskey

tell her the only pressure she'll feel is an occasional pounding on her cervix

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Good responses. If you don't think she'd appreciate those, though, and want to ease your way into it:

"I don't have any expectations. I just like to see where an evening takes us."
"No pressure, but no promises either."
Or you can pull the old "It's YOUR fault you turn me on!"

I liked the responses too but agree that they were not applicable for the situation at hand. I used a similar approach to the "its your fault" line along with other well stringed lined garbage.

It seemed to work well and I feel like she may just be scared to get in a relationship(maybe past issues or something). I think I just gotta slowly work my way in with this girl if anything can come out of it

Well, eventually someone will have a make a big move. If you start worrying about the pressure and what would she feel and all that, you'll never take risks. Ergo you'll never reach anywhere with her. Or any other girl for that matter.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

I definitely agree with you 100% Don. An want to make sure I wasn't misunderstood.

I have been on many day 2s that turned into either k-closes or f-closes, where if I had been as forward as some of those earlier posts in setting it up, the date would never have even happened. In Torn's situation, he needs to get into the date and not be rejected before he even starts. Then ON the date he can make his bold moves. But you DEFINITELY don't want to promise nothing will happen, as she's fishing for. That's why my responses are less forward, while keeping things open, so the seed is planted there's a possibility he'll make a move, yet he can secure the date without scaring her off.

This is nothing but a shit test. If you start dribbling "oh no honey, I would never pressure you and I wont try anything blah blah blah blah blah" it will be an instant send the pussy into the friendzone moment.

It's a date for Christ's sake, there should be a little romantic tension/banter etc.

There is a difference between some lighthearted flirting and banter vs showing a clear expectation and assumption of sex.

If he plays the 'nice guy' and complies with her shit test of the date being completely free of any sexual tension or mystique then it will be into the friendzone.

If she can't handle the fact that he wont guarentee a romance/sexuality free evening then it would be better if she dumps his ass now rather than letting him get invested in her and having her dump him later.

If someone agrees to tear off their velcro balls and set them on the shelf, then they have already allowed themselves to be friendzoned.

This is the exact text convo..I feel like I was fz'ed so I gotta take some bold moves on monday night if it ends up happening. Where do I go from here?

Her- Okay, I had plans monday night but Ill try to get out of em! But there wont be any like pressure right? Lol

Me- Yea just keep me updated. Look we both know u have a very attractive personality to compliment ur looks. I couldnt help but try to kiss you. I had to see where you stood..and theres no regrets. But I wont ever purposely pressure you

Her- Lol im not that good but im flattered you think I was worth the attempt. And I really appreciate you respecting me like that. I wouldnt wanna lose having you over one thing ya know?

Me- Lifes all about the risks youre willing to take. Let me know about monday when you find out...

Thats it. So not terrible but feel like I may have given her too much what she wanted to hear. I just want to escalate alot on monday night and go from there. If it feels right, ill go for another kiss. Btw, this girl has only had one bf over the past 3 years and I think she may still be a virgin since they only dated for 2 weeks. This girl seems to have some walls up...

hmm, too late now but i would have said, try to place blame on her and reframe it as her fault, ie. sometimes when im around you i try really hard to resist myself but i find myself feeling really into you because of Xquality, if you do X(try not to dress so sexy) it would probably be easier,
then if she shows up dressed sexy again you know she is down,

also i think you have totally fucked yourself, still worth a try but seriously looks like you put yourself in the FZ

The bold part is sad. I feel sad for you. You just "friend zone"-d yourself. I don't know why you ever felt the need to justify yourself or add that last line. But, well, the damage is done.

The italics is her confirmation of your entry into the "friend zone". Sorry, but this looks dead in the water already.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Personally, I don't like any of the cocky/funny type responses given to you itt. She needs to be reassured that there's no pressure. A simple message that says no and/or deflects the question will be fine. She's trying to cancel her plans for you, so she obviously likes you. Or at the very least wants to get to know you better. I think I would have said something like "lol you're silly... no there like won't like be like any like pressure"

[random aside: start teasing her for saying 'like' if she does that a lot]


not to pile on, but this is just awful. first of all, you're just dropping compliment after compliment on her. I mean, there's right ways and wrong ways to compliment girls and this is just not the right way. Second, you're making excuses for being a man. She's a hot girl, you wanted to kiss her. That's all there is to it. No excuses. This is just a beta AFC type of response. I think you've just put so much more pressure on her with this text.

im interested in the last sentence. is she LJBFing you? what is the one thing? sex? maybe you can shed some light on this for us...



dude what does this even mean? it sounds to me like you're compounding the problem by making a vague statement that suggests that she may have to take some risks to hang out with you. this is especially bad given what she just said to you about not wanting any pressure.

i think you're over-thinking this whole thing. the girl clearly likes you but she just doesnt want to be pressured into anything. so the correct play would have been to send a simple message reassuring her that there's never any pressure involved in being with you. you should be coming from a frame of being a fun, playful, laid back kinda guy. there's no pressure in ever hanging out with that guy, right? build more comfort then seal the deal.

i definitely dont like how you handled this with the text messages, but i also think that you still have a good chance with her (especially if she actually shows up for the date). oh well, live and learn...

Thanks for the responses guys. Im not particularly proud of my text game which is why I was hoping she would have called me back. I guess ill just see what happens but it looks as though I entered the dreaded friend zone. Like you said, live and learn. Always more chances if this one doesnt pan out.