I'm not terrible at pick-up. It's just that doing it requires a 180 degree change from my current self to create attraction. I'm pretty quiet and introverted. You'd usually find me at the bar sitting alone unless I've kicked myself in the ass to do otherwise.

Sarging requires me to wind myself up and power forward opening set after set hoping to get a few numbers and a girl interested enough in being seduced before I crash. It's a real challange, but things could be worse I guess.

The reason I bring this up was because of last weekend, when I came in from out of town. Went to the local bar, and there were some cute girls I would have liked to hit on. However, the long drive and little sleep had taken its toll, and I felt powerless. Was plenty awake for a relaxed, 1-on-1 conversation, but not enough inertia to push to the point where that could happen.

Guess I'm wondering, has anyone made the complete change from shut-in to social butterfly? The kind of stuff that the material claims is possible. Maybe it is, but I haven't found the social pressure any less from the day I began.

It's different for everybody. I used to be a very shy non-social guy, but you need one thing to change that:

successes.

If so, you will be more confident up to a point where you'll love yourself. This will create a very bright light around you, and girls love the energy that comes from it.

I've created a lifestyle topic with suggestions, check it out and work a bit on that I'd say. Other than that one more thing:
Chatting with girls, having fun with them etc should give you energy, not cost.

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Yes it does, like blinking an breathing.

Anything you do consistently becomes natural. Just make sure it's something you wouldn't mind becoming a habbit

Pretty much. I'm at the point where there is no on or off switch... it's just who I AM.

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"I'm going to give you a definite... maybe."

Reading this, makes me realize one of the reasons I end up arguing with people (like BlondGuy) who keep saying "be direct!" Some of us are extroverts, others of us are introverts. I'm not sure that "you have to be an extrovert" is a beneficial statement. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is one classification system that tells us that people have different psychological types. The MBTI doesn't impose value judgments on whether being an extrovert or an introvert is "better," it is simply a system for classifying people's differences. "Falsifying Type," where you feel you have to be fundamentally different from what you actually are, is a recognized medical problem in some circles, with real physiological effects. Over time you can actually damage your brain. A naturally extrovert PUA may gravitate towards "Be Direct!" and exhort everyone that they should learn game just like theirs. But for an introvert, indirect game might actually be more appropriate. I just have a hard time telling an introvert that what's "wrong with them" is they're not enough of a hard charging crowd working car salesman.

I don't have any problem telling guys, including myself, that they've got incorrect internal attitudes, assumptions, and "rules" about how they can / can't / should / shouldn't interact with women. Maybe that's why some people in the "direct" crowd get annoyed, fed up with, and "call bunk on" internal game. They don't believe in it because they're extroverts and external actions are what matter to them.

Of course you do have to talk to the gal sometime. But on what attitude, mindset, and terms? Practice is definitely part of the way to get better, but I know that just throwing yourself at it isn't enough. That's all I did when I was younger, just throwing myself at it by brute force, despite my introvert nature. I didn't know any PUA. Yes I got "better" but all I really managed to be was a slightly more successful AFC. It did a lot of damage to me and created a lot of bad internal attitudes.

I see this all as a process of finding your voice and your power. That means at some point you have to own it. If you deeply sense that something is bullshit, or at least "bullshit for you," you need to trust those feelings and act on them.

great post, bvanevery

agree with bravenery. I think this is a skillset that you need to acquire. Over practice you'll get better

Over time, the stuff you force yourself to do becomes habit and then it does feel completely natural.

Let me ask you this - you say you're naturally quite introverted. BUT, what about if you're at home with some great music playing, with a glass of your favourite drink in your hand, surrounded by people you love hanging out with?

In university, I was very much the relaxed, chilled out guy who would be very comfortable talking really passionately about random shit - politics, philosophy, history, etc. with a small group of friends with some mellow music playing in the background (and probably some weed being smoked...sue me). Stick me in a loud party with tons of people I didn't know, and I suddenly had nothing to say. It wasn't because I suddenly became "boring" or "introverted," it's simply that I had situational confidence in the setting I was used to that allowed me to express myself, whereas I lacked that confidence in the party situation and thus I shut myself off and became self-conscious. This then had the knock-on effect of me avoiding the situations in which I felt less confident, making me less likely to learn how to interact properly within them.

Lesson 1: Excellence is a HABIT. The more you push yourself into uncomfortable situations, the more you end up feeling comfortable and CONFIDENT in them.


You don't have to be super high energy AT ALL in order to interact with a girl and get her to become interested in you. The model I follow and teach essentially involves just one really simple thing - an emotional spike of some kind at the START of the interaction. Something that causes her to feel SOMETHING.

Mystery would say a NEG, and Adam Lyons would say a "rapport break" - these are both NEGATIVE emotional spikes that cause her to feel a certain amount of DIScomfort.

I personally use a confidently delivered COMPLIMENT to create a POSITIVE emotional spike.

You could also try something that just confuses her, piques her interest, angers her (not too much!) or anything. My first wing during my last year of university would open normally, and then as they were talking, he'd make a cool origami flower out of a napkin at the bar, and hand it to her, a propos of nothing, and just continue talking. At the time I thought "oh total AFC move - giving her presents before she's WORKED for it" because I was a fucking retarded MM3 routine-monkey. NOW I see that it was a touch of genius because it created a fantastic little emotional spike - both a compliment and warm gesture, but also quite random and out of the blue - piquing her curiosity, intriguing her, and showing her he was interested in her.

After the spike, you can just talk normally and transition into a conversation about anything that interests you.

Lesson 2: You don't need any kind of high-energy fancy opener, just an emotional spike at the start of the interaction.


You don't have to be the guy hi-fiving everyone, shouting WOOO and jumping up and down having the time of your life in order to have girls interested in finding out more about you. IN FACT, "smoothness" essentially comes from doing the MINIMUM amount to get someone's attention and a reaction. Think about it - who's the guy with more value

Guy A: Jumping around, getting everyone's attention, waving money at the bartender to get served, bumping into people, pointing across the room at people he knows, shouting loudly to be heard. He jumps right into a set waving his hands around whilst delivering an opener in a fast-paced manner.

Guy B: Walks toward the door, looking straight ahead, bouncer unhooks velvet rope just in time so he doesn't have to break step, walks up to the bar, makes eye contact with bartender who comes straight over and offers his hand to shake, looks around with drink in hand and casually winks at people across the room. Swings around and opens set just by lifting a finger and raising his eyebrow to get attention before delivering the opener.

In an interaction between two people, the guy who looks like he's putting in the least amount of work always looks the "coolest" and the highest value. Thus, being low-energy can actually BENEFIT you in the long term if you portray yourself in the right way.

Lesson 3: Low-energy = COOL.

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Am an introvert for sure. Get worn out even in small groups after a while. However, not nearly as fast and we often get into subject matter we can wrap our minds around. For someone as analytical as me, that gives an energy boost. At parties, staying with the mass of people means constantly giving value, which is draining. What I used to do is find other outsiders like myself, then splinter off with them to play a game of chat somewhere quieter. This just kept me on the sidelines though.

The reason I go high energy is because it's a kind of value that's universally liked, no matter who gives it. I've found being smooth to only work if I have a great deal of social proof already. Otherwise, I just look quiet and bored. For those of you who can be smooth from the start, yet give value, I admire you. My skills are not that strong.

Like the idea of creating an emotional spike thru a compliment or friendly gesture. Now that would feel natural. Just worried that if my value is too low, it might just come off as ass kissing.