Hey guys, i would appreciate some input on my problem.

a girl - this girl

I want a girl and at the same time, i am doing my best to control needyness in my behaviour.

The girl im talking about here has sympathic behaviour, is open minded, has easygoing and female attitude that makes me want her.
I want to go for it, but i want to threat her with respect, taking her and my own social status into consideration as well as
gaining and maintaining trust.

I'm a "hard case" on paper and believe that social proof and congruency is not to be neglected.
(Check my Introduction thread "hi @ll!", 1st page)

Dont get me wrong, she is definitly not the "only girl" im interested in.
I neither doubt my ability to attract and satisfy her, nor am I afraid of walking away with nothing.

But i guess from all women i feel attracted to...
She is the one that interests me the most and at the same time, i unconsciously damaged the foundations.

What FUCKS MY confidence on being able to gain her trust, as i feel of this shit like a social/trust timebomb I set up myself.


Ok, now what i think i messed up

We met at a party of mutual friends (not the first time, but almost no interaction before).

This time we got into talking & playing, interacted alot when in the same place.
She showed alot interest, probably more than i did (got the right attitude... right, but at that time not consciously applied, more natural)

I messed a little up in the end, when she continued teasing me, with words and actions.
And than... she built this nice joint... And wasted my mind, I really lost control over my discipline & concentration.
I couldn maintain to my semi-confident state and felt more and more uncomfortable as i not only had to concentrate on what she
(and everybody else, as we were alone and with people on/off) said but also could feel losing my focus and getting distracted more and more.

I managed to slip out this (at that time) uncomfortable situation and then tried to leave the party...

When she again said something

But i really was to wasted to comprehend, let out counter the thing she said.
And i am absolutely convinced that she somehow tested me as i remember about what i felt deeply felt that the words matched her
"i dissed your ass!"-smile on her face... And yeah, thats when i was not really quick and further problem, got sucked into those eyes...

Yes i didnt hat the guts to go for it, i chickened out of the action at that evening and also after that.

I did it the old, schoolyard fashioned way. You know? Like in elementary school, running around asking people who know stuff about her.
Why? To determine what kind of girl she actually is...

I drawed back on those silly little boy/girl behaviours and started asking people she knows on intel about her... very subtle, eh?

I got some info, thats for shure... But even if i maintaned to not show needyness of any kind directly to her,
i think this info-collecting did this job also and that in a supreme fashion.

But the thing that bothers me... alot is the fact that i dont know if i can fix this shit.I asked way too many people (at least 5 friends of whom 1 is the
party host) about those informations and so clearly maked my attraction on her public, thus putting pressure on me and maybe also on her
(as she already has an boyfriend) and ultimately showed weakness as a male (eventhough im not too concerned about this particular point).

I actually dont care much wheter she was really that into me or not, or wheter i just conceit myself about it.

What i DO know is, that she can have fun with me, i be more of a male and give this girl more than her last boyfriend and... even more then her current

So yes, our encounter ended like that. Yes, i was not able to escalate... But believe me,
i had NO FUCKING CLUE at that time that it is acceptable.
I had the mindset that i could not just approach a girl (as this is disrespectful behaviour LOL),
but instead had to somehow make her "fall in love with me", be nice, shit like that... Of course without getting sexual as women dont like sex, and especially not with an (slightly) overweight virgin that heads for his thirties.

Since then I read many revealing books that helped me alot to get my shit together and heavy shake the foundations of my self limiting beliefs.

Now its about understanding fully what i did there and wheter/if/why this talking (braggin?) could fuck my gameplan up.
And then act respectively.

Even if this actually not a big deal, any insight, input or analysis will be MUCH appreciated!


Greetz
DDD