What 's your response when she brings up having a boyfriend?



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 5:55 pm 
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Hey Guys,

I'm the new guy around here. I started talking to some girl about a month ago. She is my best friend's ex's cousin. We've been texting alot, daily basis for 3 weeks. It's pretty clear she is interested, she's given every indication. A couple of days ago, in casual texting conversation about what we did for new years, she tells me "I didn't do anything because my boyfriend is out of town and I didn't want to celebrate" and then a minute later says she needs to run to see him and ttyl. Back when we first spoke, it was like assumed she was single. I checked her facebook and she lists herself as single, has no pics with any boyfriend whatsoever either, and never heard anyone mention she had one.

How do you handle this situation? Is this just her trying to make me jealous and chase her? (I already won't, I'm not that naive.) What are the odds she's lying? What if she does in fact have a boyfriend? What's the best tactic here?

I need to add, we are separated by physical distance, she is overseas, but I spend the summers where she is and visit there at least 2-3 times a year for like a month. Does that even factor into all this? Does it not matter since I am not there now? I'd like to preserve it so that when I do go there in a few weeks I can try and make something happen.

Thoughts?
R


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:08 pm 
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I need to add, we are separated by physical distance, she is overseas, but I spend the summers where she is and visit there at least 2-3 times a year for like a month. Does that even factor into all this? Does it not matter since I am not there now? I'd like to preserve it so that when I do go there in a few weeks I can try and make something happen.
yeah this is a big factor,she intends to have the holiday guy waiting.You said you'll have been chatting for awhile so there the prove,you gave her enough attention to be the holiday fling.Now that you'll are apart shes with her boyfriend and you unfortunitly are no where in her mind but come when her boyfriend is busy,she'll come running back to you.

You can either keep her entertained to f-close or you can move on but by the sounds of it you have a wait for that f-close.Honestly this might just be a waste of time but i haven't seen her or been with her.

Marshy


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:26 pm 
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Act cool about it as if you're interested in her boyfriend. Counter-intuition man. What's our first thought when she brings up her boyfriend? Bail, she expects that. Turn the tables around and give her the unexpected. And by that I'm not referring to not bailing and focusing on HER more. Take your focus off her and focus on her boyfriend in the conversation. But careful, too much and you'll come off as a friend that she can talk about her boyfriend with. Don't overdo it. Just be like, "Sweet, maybe he can come too" or something. And THEN bail..


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:30 pm 
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Depends wether you still have a chance. If so say 'of course you do. Someone has to pay for our drinks'. If it's a deal breaker tell her to tell him to go fuckhimself from you. Neither are my own work. Kudos to the orogipnal author


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 6:41 am 
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@nyseto and @bowlie,

thanks for the good advice. i agree that it would be bad to just bail straight away and i didn't do that. our conversation once this happened was on instant message and when she told me my boyfriend was away for new years, she followed up quick with i need to go to him now and signed shortly after. my reaction was "cool. have fun." because i realized i didnt have much time to react and wanted to keep it clean and cool. the fact she all of a sudden mentioned he was away and needing to go to see him together made me think that she was lying because it too sudden and seemed rushed and incoherent. i would have asked more questions about him and their relationship and faked interest if i had a chance but she eneded the convo abruptly.

yes, counter-intuition is the best move, i agree. but what's the better next move? to basically just ignore her until she initiates another call or text or whatever or, to approach her and bring up the topic again?


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 7:00 pm 
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What I think is you should wait until she gets in touch with you. Its shows you are not needy you will be like 'cool f**k it you have a bf, well I'm on to the next one'. If she realy likes you she will come back to you. I also realy think you should f close this one why waste energy right.lol but I'm seriously a newbie starting at the bottom this is just what I think. More experienced guys correct me coz I love to learn.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:06 pm 
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First of all, it's important to notice how she brings up her BF:

If it's early in the sarge and she says, "I have a BF," this does NOT mean that it's time to do BF destroyers. This means that you did NOT attract her and that she could even be LYING to you because she doesn't want to talk to you. So... if you get this too soon, then you need to deal with more fundamental game issues first.

If she waits until later in the sarge and brings it up reluctantly, like, "Oh, I'm kinda seeing someone," then you know you're IN.


THE ULTIMATE BF DESTROYER:

Ignore it. Don't make an issue of it. The first time she brings up her BF, don't say anything more than, "That's cute." Just keep gaming her. You can break this rule later when you learn to calibrate.

If she brings it up again, there are a few techniques I have that work REALLY well to make take her BF out of her mind and put YOU in his place. (Well, at least make her forget about him for long enough to go home with you.)

They're all based on a few basic principles. Basically, you want to create a VOID in her life by letting her see that her BF is not fulfilling her needs. Then you show her that you are precisely her-void-shaped and fucking you would make everything alright.


Remember these principles:

First, if you BASH her boyfriend, she will get DEFENSIVE and support him. You've just anchored good feelings towards her BF and BAD feelings towards you. Bad idea. This even happens if SHE starts bashing her BF and you AGREE with her.

Second, if you try to convince her that you are better than her BF, the same thing will happen.

Third, if you talk about how awesome her BF is and exaggerate it to impossible proportions and talk about how they are destined to be together forever, this will cause her to re-evaluate her BF in YOUR TERMS... and be disappointed.

Fourth, if you talk about how horrible a BF YOU would be, and why she would never want to date you, she will start to relate that to HER experience with HER boyfriend. It's sometimes also effective if you do this ironically, telling her how WONDERFUL you would be and then describing all your horrible traits as if they were ideal.

Fifth, use future adventures projection to have her imagining the two of you together. Use this HEAVILY. I cannot stress this enough.

Sixth, fractionate between a joking, tongue-in-cheek, "I'm just kidding" tone and serious, "Is he kidding?" tone depending on how into you she is and how attached she still is to her BF.

Seventh, use false disqualifiers a LOT. Make excuses for why you can't be with her, especially ones that disqualify yourself. It helps if they are blatantly weak excuses. My favorite is that my other girls take up too much of my time as it is. Use these right after Future Adventures Projection too.

Eighth, just pretend that the words "I have a boyfriend" have NO MEANING at all to you. Continue as if she never said it.

Ninth, she is destined to be yours and you both know it. There is no element of NEEDINESS here.


Combine these principles (and others that I've forgotten, and anything IN10SE would care to add) and you can create your own BF Destroying material on the fly. Here are some routines that I've created while talking to girls:

(This is from a sarge with a SHB who is "kinda seeing" the manager of a trendy downtown club)

Me: "You're a lesbian, aren't you!"
Her: "I'm not a lesbian! But... er... I am kinda seeing someone. He's about this tall, dark hair [starts describing the manager, who I had seen her eating dinner with after the clubs closed the previous night]"
Me: "Well, it's a good thing that I like him."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Well, because otherwise I'd just steal you from him, take you to a desert island, and spend a week drinking rum, sun-bathing, and skinny-dipping with you. [I could have gone on with the future adventures projection, but I decided not to.] But that will never happen. So, tell me, how long have you been 'kinda seeing' him?"
Her: "Oh, just a few weeks now."
Me: "Wow, you know, just from the way your eyes are all bright and your skin is glowing, I can tell that you are totally in love with this guy. In fact, I predict that a year from now, you will be happily married with 1.5 kids and a white picket fence." [said very tongue in cheek]
Her: "I don't want to get married, and I certainly don't want kids right now! I'm an independent woman!"
Me: "Of course you are. But he's just so perfect for you! I bet he buys you flowers every day you see him. I'm sure that he is always a perfect gentleman and never even LOOKS at another girl while the two of you are together." [note: I had been blatantly gaming girls all night, right in front of her, and getting #s.]

Other stuff to do and a general structure:

She mentions her BF and starts qualifying him somehow ("Oh, he's so X. I love him so much"). You use this when you start a FUTURE ADVENTURES PROJECTION:

"So I suppose that since I like him and I don't want to hurt his feelings and everything, we will have to conduct our moonlit tryst secretly. He must never know of our clandestine meetings."

Then you build up her BF with:

"You know what? It sounds like you guys are totally in love. I can totally tell that he's the PERFECT guy for you and you will ALWAYS be together. In fact, I bet he'll propose to you soon and you'll get married and have kids and live in a nice house with a white picket fence. And you know, I just couldn't live with myself if I ruined the rest of your life with him because he is your PERFECT BOYFRIEND."

Then she starts bashing her own boyfriend ("Well, sometimes he's mean to me. Blah blah blah") and you say,

"Well, if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't be like that at all. I would call you three times a day JUST to find out where you were and what you were doing and who you were with. I would get mad if you didn't call me EVERY day because I would love you SOOOOO much. I would go out drinking with the guys every weekend so you could have your personal space to do whatever it is that girls do... I don't know, cooking and cleaning and such. Oh, and I would forget all our anniversaries and break up with you on valentines day."

So, the idea is:

She mentions the BF,

You ignore it.

She mentions him again,

You start three threads going:

One is future adventures projections of you and her having sex. But you use imagery that she can fantasize about (If you don't know, go read a romance novel) and disqualify yourself. ("Yeah, but that will never happen.") This raises buying temp.

The second is a thread that describes him as the ideal boyfriend so his faults are amplified. This is a DHV.

The third is a thread that describes you as a horrible boyfriend. You can do it ironically if you want. Basically, it's a DLV and a false-disqualifier.


In fact, these anti-BF techniques work so well that I use them all the time on girls that are single too. I just start talking about past relationships or the ideal guy, etc, etc. Or I start future adventures projections about our illicit meetings, running away from the paparazzi in LA, getting pictures of us kissing in the National Enquirer, etc, etc.

Boyfriend Destroyers
by Harmless

----------------------------------------

:wink: XFMAN


All the discussion here: 1-vt713.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:51 am 
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First of all, @XFMAN and @harmless God Bless your souls, respectively. Thats great stuff the way harmless broke it down.

Studied. I was all prepared to use it. She contacts me out of the blue today (working waited, and an obviously HUGE IOI) and we start talking and she tells me she is sad because she and her "ex boyfriend" separated. Curious because I would assume you and an "ex" are already separated. Anyway, it seems shes not with the guy anymore, whether he was real or not, which is good news. I didn't really continue with the topic except for exchanging depressing songs with her, which she wouldn't stop sending me anyway.

Kind of left it raw, but overall positive. A question I have now though, is how do you deal with sad information like that. Definitely want to be a shoulder to cry on here and there, but in the right measure, but not so much that you end up becoming that friend who always gets those things and ends up being nothing more. What say you?

R


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 12:23 pm 
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I don't think you want to be a shoulder to cry on. Let someone else take that role. You should be a penis to bounce on (excuse the vulgarity, but the pun was there for the taking). How you convey that to her though, I'm not too sure. Lemme think.

Well you don't want to be a boyfriend, and not really a shameful rebound. You want to root her, perhaps multiple times. So she'll need some semblance of a relationship to convince herself of. How to react to the boyfriend breakup thing, hmmm...

I think you should ignore the boyfriend thing. It was probably a shit test that backfired on her anyway. Keep hanging out with her but if she brings it up try to turn it around. Don't tell her it doesn't matter, don't brush it off, react as if it's a sad thing that happened to her that has been dealt with.

For instance:
"Oh [exbf] and I used to go to [x]"
"Well we'll have to find somewhere new to go then"

Kinda like you are replacing her shitty memories with new awesome ones. Cheer her up. If she was lying about the bf then you'll be cheering her up beyond her already not depressed state.

Ok well that's my thought process anyway, I just thunk it through then. But you can't direct a battle from an armchair, try to find what you think would work on your girl and then give it a go, get back to us about how it went too.

Too much thinking, I smell rubber burning.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:06 am 
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Simple and Awesome Boyfriend Destroyer

Her: I have a Boyfriend
You: Really? I had a pet fish when I was 8
Her: What?
You: Oh... I thought we were talking about things that didnt matter? (Saying with a confused look - then smiling when she laughs)[/b]


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