ok.

so i'm a total AFC,

well i would say over the last year and a half, i've been working toward becoming a RAFC, but just didn't realize it.

now, i might be an RAFC (because i realize just how wrong i was doing everything)

i don't even know if i'm looking for advice, because i wouldn't know where to begin, maybe just general impressions and thoughts from the more experienced guys around here.

from what i've read around here, i think i'm in a relationship that is a REAL DISASTER ready to explode culminating with my nuts being chopped off more than likely.

it's been a twelve month shit test. this girl never stops. first of all, she is ten years older than me, cougar ... if you will. i know now for a fact that she has been shit-testing me over and over in every little way, and for the most part i've failed miserably because i didn't have the enlightenment that a place like this offers. but, uh oh, now i see how bad i'm fucking up.

so, i immediately went to freezing her because she insists on talking on the phone like every night (unless SHE decides she is busy). it was like two days later, she sent me an email saying how much she loved me, lol. wtf? a two day freeze, then overly-emotional "I Love You's"

it's now progressed to her talking to me about her life bullshit problems, which i know is bad, because that is a rest area on the interstate to the friend zone.

oh god, i do kind of like this chick, but i must repent and revoke my douchey ways and become a real man.

i don't even need advice, just tell me i'm a douche, and move on...

idk. just a few minutes ago, she was like "you wanna talk tonight?" i waited and casually im'ed back "no. not tonight. have laundry to do and really need to get some sleep, but look me up later for sure. g'nite."

she abruptly ended the convo, lol.

You know, there is a type of situation, a "double bind", where a mother will offer her kid 2 choices and no matter which of the choices the kid picks, it is always wrong. "Oh, you like that one? What's wrong with this one?" Causes the kid to grow all screwed up. A shit test is pretty much the same thing. I guess I'm saying, why don't you date someone your own age? I bet in 10 years that girl will be way better than this one, you douche.

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31 and still figuring it out.

You need to start thinking of yourself differently... so you actually fucking change.

Right now, you're focused on everything you've done/doing wrong. That just reinforces to your mind "Hey mind... look at how I fucked up...I'm a fucking retard, now do it again"


Start thinking of yourself as a badass pickup artist who girls LOVE. Eventually (over the next 6 months to 6 years) you'll evolve into this person you've been thinking about.

You'll read different shit. You'll pay attention to different shit. You'll DO different shit in similar situations.

Then, you can pull all the hot young pussy you want.

Good luck.