Hey guys, havent been on these forums in a while but in a kind of dilemma at the moment so thought I would get some advice from you lot.

In October I came back from holiday and a new girl started at work. I was instantly attracted to her an spoke occasionally but not much as our departments dont work too closely. She was with her ex bf since the age of 15 (she is now 26). They have split up before and got back together around 1.5 years ago and recently split again (its been a month). I know this information from one of my friends at work, so I havent been talking to her about her ex bfs. At our works xmas party, we spent the night together kissing and cuddling after my f-close attempt didnt work, she said she wasnt ready for it yet.

Since the xmas party we have been texting, calling and emailing at work. Constantly flirting and we have met up on a spur of the moment thing a few days ago which was more kissing, holding hands and talking. We was meant to go out last night however yesterday she was getting calls from her ex. An she called me to state if we could re-arrange as she is kind of upset and pissed off as he has apparently tried to maker her feel guilty (she split with him) an didnt want to be around me in that state. He apparently knows she has started seeing me but she isnt sure how.

I wasnt too sure how to react, so basically said its cool and we will arrange it for another time soon. She text me later saying sorry etc and I replied with the same which she replied thank you ect I then didnt text back.

Now my first urge was to console her and be all caring and ask her questions and keep her talking but for some reason decided against that and kept the convo short. But my question is now how do I go about this. I know being with her ex for that long could be a big issue, but I really do like this girl. Is freezing her out the right thing to do? An how can you do it so you dont come off bitter or show to be too reactive as I dont want to look like that at all. We may be working closely this week too due to the holidays so there can be an opportunity there...

Look forward to hearing some ideas.

In my humble opinion I think You should freeze on her but I don't think You should pull the subject of her ex. I'd simply ignore it since she might think of You as a friend she can talk to about her ex and You don't want that to happen, do You? Once she starts and You'd follow You'd be in a "friend zone".

Just do what You did so far, which is making her feel good in Your company .

I agree too, be carefull you don't want to be the kind of gayfriend who listen all the problems she have. You should stay away a little bit and show her your not like her ex-bf. Just keep doing your thing like you did before you have go slower with this type of girl. I had a story like yours before.

Good luck bro

I've been thinking this afternoon and after reading your comments guys I've decided Im not going to pay this dude any attention whatsoever and just do my thing and keep doing what I have been doing to get this far. Its going to be fun put it that way.

What was your situation like lalima?

A fool reacts, a warrior acts!

Ive had a very similar situation to that happen recently mate, things were going well with the girl I currently like, untill it got the f-close and she told me she wasnt ready, as had just split up with a long time ex. Now she tries to take to me about him, saying she is worried that she cant resist him, and she'll go back to him. I stupidly got involved and listened to her problems with him, as I wanted to try and keep her from going back to him. This was probably a bad idea, as im becomming the mate she shares her 'ex' problems with. So ive been avoiding speaking to her untill we get back to uni after xmas..... that way i can see her in person again, and run conversations that I want.
You need to stop her from directing the convo to her ex, act like you couldnt care less about it, and if she cant avoid talking about him when she's with you.... thats when its probably best you freeze her out. Then hopefully after some time she'll get him out of her mind. Just make sure when she sees you, your the centre of attention with everyone else, and she'll come chasing.

(a) Consoling her over her ex-boyfriend = friendzone. She will use you like sperm receptacle and then toss you aside.

(b) Be aware that you are probably about to take on a girl with a lot of emotional baggage. A 10 year LTR is not a joke, it will be hard for her to let go as long as attraction is still there (and if he pissed her off, then it probably is). If you're considering a relationship, I would second guess.

(c) Focus on raising attraction and interest level, never on making her feeling better emotionally. Always be happy and confident, a breath of fresh air away from all the ex drama and the nuances of life that she has to face.

(d) You will get several compliments for being "different" and a nicer guy. Do not buy into these, you need to raise attraction like you would any girl. If you let her emasculate you into an emotional tampon, you will die a most agonizing death.

(e) Avoid the topic of the ex. If it comes up, treat it like nothing, it will desensitize her to the subject (as she is probably strongly emotionally anchored to anything about her ex). If you make it a big deal like she does, you will only reinforce it's importance.

_________________
My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

Started seeing a girl, nothing serious, one in a while, and i heard she had a bf for 6 years and that she break up 6minths ago. Then i heard she was still kind of friend with him and that this guy was still in love with her. So i just did like i always do i dont give her too much attention to not look too much interested. NO STRESS, thats my clue. So if anything happens your alright. Whatever thats what i did and im still seeing her once in a while nothing serious and thats what i want!

_________________
Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on something worth it's beauty.

Little update for you guys.

After she flaked on me, we didnt text for a day or so. Then I dropped her a text that I got off from here and we got texting a bit but briefly. Went back to work and flirty emails were coming and going and on her last day before her holiday, I met her at lunch by emailing her and playing about saying "We need to talk etc".

We met and she is like "what do we need to talk about?" and I told her i just wanted to say bye as she was leaving for NYE to go see family. She laughed and we got chatting, kissed a bit and she apologised for flaking on me and said we will go out next weekend. Then called me up on not texting her back the night before, which i stupidly replied with "I did, actually omg if I didnt text you who did I text" and her face kind of went shocked and smiled and then I said "I called you later and you didnt answer, I was after my counselling session (joke between us)" an she replied with "I may have had more important clients".

This all happened on last thursday and its now Monday and I havent heard anything from her.

I wanted to show some action and show the flake didnt bother me which I think I nailed but now I have stupid doubt in my bloody mind that I came across super needy!

Lads what have I done?!? An I have a feeling if we meet up this weekend its going to happen, i just need to right method to seal the deal with getting the date to happen and bouncing her back to a hotel as my family dont let me bring girls home who Im not serious with. :/