Please move this topic if I posted it in wrong section. To be honest this is probably more a letter to myself than question/thread. I value any opinion tho.
Quick intro: I don't have problems with girls, I never had and I never fell in love. I've had quite a success. I consider myself being player.
1.) Pickup
A few weeks ago I started talking to a girl a bit older than me online (she got in touch with me). We talked for few weeks cuz' I was really busy and we didn't manage to arrange a meeting.
We hit it off and mutual interes was there from day one.
2.) One night stand
We finally managed to arrange a meeting at her place and we were in her bed in half an hour. It was probably a first time that wasn't just about sex for me (I didn't realize it then). We didn't sleep at all and we took it really slow from first kiss to sex and enjoyed our company WAAAY more than sex.
3.) Oneitis
I actualy reschedule bunch of things to get together with her few days later (same story with sex, cudling and talk). Early in the morning (still didn't get any sleep) it hits me that this is the first girl in last 5 years that I felt I have connection with and didn't just appreciate situation I was in.
You can't even imagine how it feels when you can feel something for a woman first time in AGES.
From there on things get really crazy for me. I can't get her out of my mind. It really messed me up. I'm not functioning as I should be. She's influencing my life way too much.
I've been with three girls that week and the one that is probably the least "appropriate" is the one I can't get out of my mind AT ANY TIME. She's not even that hot. But I love that she's smart, cute, has good sense of humor etc etc. I'M IN FUCKING LOVE and I don't realize it until it's too late.
4.) Relationship
The filling is mutual. I know I could be with her. I know I would enjoy every second. I have nothing against relationships and would be glad to give up all other female "friends" for her. I'm not being AFC it's just that for me this is worth a lot and I can get back in the game at any time.
Problem: I just fucking moved 2000km away for next 4 months (winter). I left the day after our second meeting.
I enjoyed situation we were in and I had waited 2 months to get away for winter. Now it hurts like hell. I know I could have her but I have to choose between giving all my power (and pride) for her and move back home or let her go for 4 months.
I have no clue on what to do. I'll try to get her to fly in for a week or so cuz I feel this it the only option I have of keeping my pride and figure out what I really want.
There is another problem. I'm scared that I'm being a douchebag. I fell so hard for her that I started being needy overnight. Like I said I know that she feels the same and that we would be really great together at least for a short period. But I also know that since we won't be able to see each other at least for a month things can really break apart if I don't get my shit together (in all areas of my life). Past few days I've been aranging my stay here and had waaay to much time to think about this situation.
How the fuck should I handle this? It's obvious what I want. I wan't to be with her but I don't know how. Am I missing an obvious solution? Please tell me I am
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Edit: Why this is so important to me at this moment...
I've been here for few days. 2000km from my family, friends, social circle etc. It's not as much that I couldn't handle this thing alone but it's that I'm getting over initial "crysis" of being away from my usual life and the fact that I could enjoy something great if I just went back makes this a living hell. If I knew that I can expect her here in few weeks I could probably get back on track. I'm annoying her tho for past two days so I need to "close" her arrival soon or I'll fuck everything up including my stay here.