Hi! I'm 21 and I suffer from celebral palsy. I have not necessarily come to this forum to learn how to attract women. I just feel that I have gotten myself into a situation, which may damage me if I won't get proper aid.
Here's the thing. On February I met a girl. We liked each other very much and trusted each other with our greatest secrets, that felt magical, so after a month we decided to have a relationship. First two months were like fairytale. We not only talked a lot, but a fine share of petting was involved too. That built up my self-esteem a lot, as I found out that I can actualy please a woman.
At the begining of May my brother offered us to go on a kind of a field trip. At first, my lady wasn't very fond of the idea, because her mother is quite despotic, she didn't approve our relationship (because of my disability), and she wouldn't have let my GF go there if she had known, we are going there together. I managed to talk my GF into that trip, as we both wanted to finally make love, and that was quite hard at my room while my relatives didn't really respect my privacy, and we were spending time at my place, not to encounter her mother.
So we went there. I admit I had bit too high expectations, but from our arrival everything looked exactly opposite to what I had imagined.
V. didn't know there anyone except for me and my brother. I knew a few people more, but I wasn't really interested in getting to know others. I had assumed that we would spend a romantic weekend, while my beloved one supprisingly felt an urgent need of socialising. I tried to ask her for a private talk, but I suppose now that she assumed that I simply wanted to make out with her in some deserted place.
That was not actualy true, I mean I wanted to have some time with her, but it was like that because I was growing jaleous of all this men around us, and of the fact that she prefered to chat with them, than to give me a tender hug, or a soul kiss in our room.
So she kept talking with them, and whenever I tried to draw her attention to the problem of my mood, she kept on answering "We are not alone here".
Finally I figured out that it may improve my mood if I'll text a friend. So i texted him with something like that "I can't bear it anymore, first she turns me on with naughty talks, how marvelously we will spend our time and then she ignores me" and I left the message editor open ;/ She read it when she had gone for my phone which I left in our room. I don't even blame it on her. Previously I hadn't had any secrets to conceal from her. Moreover I shouldn't have writen to my mate in such a manner and if I did, I should have at least close the editor.
I knew that something has changed, but I managed to figure out what had happened not until the other day.
For next few weeks I did everything in my power to show her how terribly sorry I am. She kept promising that things will get better, but I could sense she despises me. In the end of June we went to England to my brother, as she wanted to earn some money and I hoped that things will get better while we'll be there. But they didn't. I had to ask for each and every hug and kiss (which were not always granted), not to mention some more sophisticated signs of love. My attraction to her was so big, that I kept asking her for going down on me, and she did it but she wasn't even 10% that keen as in the begining of our relationships. Weeks passed, I began to speak out loud that I can't go on like this for much longer and on one of such ocassions she had sex with me. I regret that ever since, not because it was bad, but as I finished, I realised she had done it only to shut me up.
We came back to Poland on 2nd of September as she had make-up exam at our school to pass. We agreed, that if she doesn't pass it, she can come back to Doncaster. She managed to pass it though but she decided to take a dean's leave, without asking for my opinion. That was a real blow, but she came to me crying that she couldn't help it, so I felt that I couldn't just break up with her. Plus I thought "If she reacts in such a way, she must care about me. What do I have to loose. Maybe she'll miss me and that will turn her sexdrive on again". But as she came back to Doncaster, I could tell that she wasn't missing me at all. Of course she contacted with me on more or less regular basis, but I could say she was happy about being there.
Then she met a guy there. I felt seriously threatened because I have never seen her that concerned about someone's opinion about her except for me at the early stage and this guy. When she told me that she had just bought a car with him and few of his mates that was enough for me (she is supposed to stay there for a year, but I doubted about duration of her stay from the very begining) and I broke up with her.
Now, my problem is that I still care a lot about her (even though I suspected she's cheated on me with that guy, which she firmy denied). I tried not to contact her and asked her to do the same, but If felt misarable holding myself in such a way. The weird thing is that, she is now more eager to contact me than in final stage of our relationship and I'm affraid I might fall for her again, this time without reciprocity. I fear that I'm some kind addicted to her.
The odd thing is that just before we met each other, she had a bitchy period in her life. She picked up some guys, slept with them and left them, when she grew bored. She has been keeping to say that I managed to change her. It is quite all right if that's true, but if she begin to act in such a manner when we decide to be friends, I will feel seriously betrayed.
I suppose that meeting other women might help, but most of them don't see me as a possible partner. Plus I'm a typical AFC and taking my disability into account I highly douby it could change. I really need some piece of advice.