was dating a guy who had a very (!) strong crush on me. he messed up on our third date at a club (does drugs and i dont want it in my presence) which forced me to tell him off and messed up the evening entirely. this caused a negative bump. a few days later we met to discuss things, to see if there still is common ground in proceeding forwards, he apologized and promised to meet my condition of not taking anything in my presence from now onwards. kissed a bit afterwards. two days later i suggested meeting, didnt work due to his night shift.

6 days passed without hearing anything from him. which was lets say unusual because before our conflict he would text daily. so obviously a lot of attraction got lost and the whole thing became "complicated" early on, due to my initial reaction back then in the club he probably also realized that i was taking this seriously.

so on day 6 (tonight) i was at a club. a common friend (one of his best buddies) started talking about him and told me that he has his best friend from abroad in town these days and that they had no contact in the last few days.

very late he actually came to the club by himself (later turned out that his best bud is at a different club and that he left him and he just wanted to pass by for a while). instead of playing the girl that was pissed because he didnt call, i went over to him and said hi in a friendly way and instead of kissing him on the mouth he got a kiss on the cheek. so i kept it neutral, exchanged two superficial sentences and told him that i am going over to my friends.

a few minutes later he followed me, he made me a compliment and we chatted a while. the situation was (obviously) akward, so we ran out of stuff to talk about. this is where i made a mistake: so i asked him why he didnt get in touch ( ) and told him that i thought that he was pissed at me because of my lengthy lecture the last time we met. he said that it wasnt that, that he was intending to get in touch but had a busy week especially due to his best bud from abroad being in town.

i made him give me a lengthy back rub (didnt hurt that a handsome guy swiftly said hi to me whilst he did that :-p ). after that he went to the toilet, after exiting the washroom instead of coming to me he went to the dancefloor to see who was there (since he had just arrived). since i didnt want to be the girl waiting for him to return (whenever that might have been, if at all?) and my friend with whom i was there was intending to leave, i simply left with my friend and didnt say goodbye to him. i did that to "fix" the mistake from before (bringing up the "not getting in contact issue"- which showed that his actions mattered to me) by simply going and thus showing that he is not the center of the universe.

so, what was good, what was bad- overall performance?

Not really sure to be honest. You need to try and reignite the spark from before, in the beginning you both need to have butterflies each time you see each other. Seeing you got so serious with him at the early stages of the relationship you have probably scared him off somewhat..

You probably should have let it slide until later in the relationship where it was obvious that both of you were actually looking for an LTR.

Trying to "change" him is not something you can really do, let alone this early in the relationship. Someone (I forget who) has a quote along the lines of "Our habits define our personality", if drug taking is one of his habits then you have to accept that it's part of who he is at the moment. If it's a deal-breaker for you then you have to cut your losses and just leave.

Good luck.

yeah its clear that it got serious way too soon, but there was no alternative for me.

but my question doesnt concern the drug-issue, i just want to know whether i made the best out of situation/how my overall performance was yesterday evening.

i didnt want to reignite the spark by making out with him there by kissing etc because i didnt want to reward him for not getting in touch the last 6 days (even if his buddy from abroad is in fact consuming much of his time).

the questions floating in my mind are:

1) how was my performance/what could i have improved given the circumstances?

2) i am not getting in touch the coming week (obviously dont want to chase him). there is a clubbing next saturday where we will see each other 100%, so i will be in the exact same situation again. it will be a bad place to sit down and have a chat to build comfort which probably would be the best thing currently.

reigniting the spark by getting close again and kissing etc. would be one possibility, but i am not sure whether that doesnt a) reward him for not getting in touch and b) might make me look desperate?

dont see many alternatives, what do you think?