ive been going steady with my current girl and she doesn't like to have sex very often. i believe it is because she has gotten pregnant twice once a miscarriage and the other an abortion. she said she liked having sex until it happened the first time. it took a lot to find that that was the root problem. But to the point how do i get past this barrier and get her back to the way she used to be before it happened? im going to stay with her but it would be a big upgrade if i got her past this barrier.

There's no way for you to get past this barrier because this isn't your issue, it's hers. You can be supportive of her but that's about it. This is easy for me to say because I'm not the one involved but I'd seriously think about why you're with this girl in the first place. Why not find a girl who don't have such issues?

Sounds like a backwards-rationalisation of the fact that the sex isn't very good.

Make sure she cums at least once BEFORE you penetrate and at least once more thereafter and I bet she'll forget about all those past problems...

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Its gonna be a challenge, I would recommend reading up on some NLP, and anchoring.

I would try some anchoring first. Get her in a relaxed state, think hypnosis. Ask her if she can remember a time before her first experience, when she was with a guy, maybe her first crush. Remind her to only think of the moment and not what came after, maybe at this point remind her that she is safe, that nothing is going to happen and that even in the present she is just as safe, beautiful, and strong as she was when she met her first crush...

What you want to do is help her go back to that moment when she first felt that intense attraction and sexual desire for someone, when she didn't care about anything except having great sex. You will need to say things like, remember the feeling of the kiss, the smells and sounds. Elaborate a lot more, you'll need her to tell you some history so you can get started, but you will have to engage as many senses as possible, she really needs to feel like she is in that moment. Then you can anchor that mental state to any part of her body. So that it can be recalled on command whenever you want... say for instance while you're trying to get her warmed up for sex and she begins to pull back because of her issues, you can just hit that spot and instantly put her into an intense horny state.

It takes a lot of skill on your part to pull this off, I would start with giving her a massage, to relax her first and then working in some happy ending for her, something she will enjoy.

Things you can attempt after reading a few e-manuals:

Scrape/compound/sand/paint your bedroom.
Pot roast.
Card tricks.
Lychee martini.
PICK UP. Yes, pick up

Things you shouldn't attempt after reading a few e-manuals:

An engine overhaul on your dad's sports car.
Operate on your sister's brain.
Fly a single engine plane.
A brawl with a professional fighter.
PSYCHOTHERAPY. *Especially not when you're 'playing doctor' with a chick you know. *Especially, especially not when your idea of a cure is a spread vagina for your pleasure.

Let's go over this again:

Painting your bedroom, Lychee martinis, card tricks, pot roasts, PICK UP = Simple, easy, fun, rewarding. Good.

Engine overhaul, Brain surgery, clueless piloting, brawl with a professional fighter, and amateur psychotherapy = Complex, painful, punishing, scarring. Bad.

Hey, I threw the massage in there because of what the poster above me said... Its got some basis to it. I'm no expert but I am reading books on this and taking classes, didn't want to give the impression I'm good at it. Theory and practice are two very different things. And the reality is that these things are not difficult to overcome, unless you believe they are...

Although I will throw this in there as a possibility...

PEOPLE LIE... FOR STUPID REASONS... THAT SEEM RATIONAL TO THEM... NOT KNOWING THE TRUTH WOULD BE BETTER...

She could be regretting going steady with you, but she doesn't want to tell you and possibly hurt your feelings... so she thinks it would be better to starve you of sex and wait for you to break it off...

Food for thought.

aww cmon blond guy! How has the sex been though anyways? because kasabi does have a point but it would be nice to do something to get past that! Otherwise there is no future for u and this girl so SOMEBODY needs to fix it if this relationship is gonna keep going. Are you pleasing her in the bedroom? Do you think there could be another problem leading for her to say that? Because most of the time when I have a gf and the sex pattern is suddenly interuppted its because I made a mistake dude. So has it always been like that?

And if you dont mind how much do you know about these pregnancys has she been real open with you or just telling you basic info?

-Aiden

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aiden k. baker

No, the reality is that it doesn't matter what the hell you 'believe'. If you can't fly a plane, you will crash it. The OP is in no position to be playing doctor.
So you've made a diagnosis through 'possibilities' and 'assumptions'. Your solution is a massage and a page out of pick-up e-manual?

The OP listed the REALITY of an abortion and a miscarriage and his goal is to fuck her more often. And it seems most of you guys think this is a good idea, offering F'd up backwards advice conjured up by hormones and YOUR PERSONAL issues.

We are out of our league here. Bone Man, if you want to FUCK MORE, find a girl who wants to fuck more. If you want to help this girl, stop this selfish act of satisfying YOUR SEXUAL URGES and support her. Why are you where you are? If you can't figure this out, you'll always find yourself a girl plagued by a problem you can't possibly solve.