LJBF but getting strong IOIs - paradox?



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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:51 am 
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Has anyone else been LJBF'd by a girl they were seeing, only to still get IOIs?

Was seeing a girl for 4 months and the mutual attraction was intense. But after a series of miscommunication and crappy luck, she ended trying to LJBF me. However, she did not seem convinced herself and couldn’t say why, except there was ‘an issue she couldn’t verbalize'. I admitted I still really liked her, but she didn’t know what she wanted and so I couldn’t see her. She was visibly upset when I left her. I exited before I became total AFC.

It’s probably important to note I didn’t accept or reject her LJBF. I made it clear I thought her behaviour was not nice and I left a little frazzled (I shouldn’t have reacted at all, learning process).

I disappeared for 1.5 weeks and then reinitiated contact.

Since then (for about 2 weeks), we’ve seen each other around college. Everytime I see her, I treat her like we’re going back to basic attraction phase again. I’ve stopped giving her lifts, going to dinner with her or making any plans to see her (this is not an act, I just don’t want to give her attention and end up a beta-ized orbiter).

However, she’s been giving me 'IOIs':

- Last week, she invited me out to a climate change debate. When I got there, she had dragged an AFC along (this guy was very quiet, didn’t kino her, and admitted he had no interest in the debate). Fortunately, I came with a date (HB8.5). We didn’t speak for the entire event. AFTER THE event, she left her AFC behind and I was the one who walked her home through campus.

- We’ve been texting frequently. She responds to all texts, sometimes doubling 2 texts for my one. Sometimes she may wait a day before responding (but she did that even while we were dating) yet she always responds.

- This thursday, after uni, we were at the subway. Her train came. I said ‘hey you better go.’ She shuffled from foot to foot and said – ‘oh but I don’t want to go.’ (very out of character, this girl is reserved, emotionally distant and doesn’t reveal much)

I paused and said – ‘nah, you should go.’ (Thought about letting her tag along for my evening’s activities, but then decided that I’ll see her when I feel like seeing her, not whenever she wanted)

She grabbed my jacket collar, tugged on it, let her hand slide off the lapel before she turned and muttered – ‘yeh I better go.’ I should add that she is not the touchy feely/flirty type yet her kino seemed very deliberate.

-------------

Is it a possible to still be getting IOIs post-LJBF? This is new to me, and I'm wondering what to make of it.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 6:05 am 
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Um yeah.....she wants you to man up, confront the issue, and take her!

BUT, do you want to?

when you say you were "seeing" this girl you mean you were in an exclusive relationship with her?

Why exactly did it break up? It is your responsibility as a man to lead her through the challenges and trials of a relationship. If there is an issue, you help her face it with you. The only reason a relationship should end is if you want it to.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 6:19 am 
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Absolutely man. She grabbed your collar? Yeah, that's IOI. Keep playing it cool and, this may sound bad, reward her good behavior. That doesn't mean just giving her what she wants, but, shit dude, go for it. Don't get too locked up in your head over the situation. You ARE the man, just BE it.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:41 am 
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From what I hear she's attracted to you, you text regularly so it's easy for you to keep track of what she's doing. Why don't you wait untill she's gone to some event with a dude (who's probably gonna be like that other one she took to the debate) and tell her to come over to your place. You'll instantly look like the better catch then the guy she's just been with and you got her isolated. When she gets there put a strict time restraint and initiate the attraction escalation. Keep at it and f-close. Don't eject untill she says no. If she does, forget about her and move on, she's not worth turning into a oneitis.

Just my two cents. Never tried this myself. :)

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 1:33 pm 
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Maybe you should try screwing her.

My personal favourite is to get them wet and make them beg you to fuck them.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 3:55 pm 
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You're waiting on her to make the first move. Its never gonna happen quit being scary man

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:22 pm 
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oh this situation. yes I have.
She LBJFD u in the first place bc u didnt man up. u had no balls and were a little wuss. She couldnt verablize what was was wrong bc everything that she could want was there it all was right logically but u didnt make her feel like a woman who wants to fuck you.
Pretty much u had her and then you she just couldnt see her fucking you as a man and her a woman. U were an AFC in the first place.

Alas tho Man up as everyone else has said. She is actually Hoping and Waiting for you to show her you have balls. this is not confessing your love, no gifts no dinners. Its being the dominant confident man you are and taking what you want.

As for the train incident you could have easily let her come by saying "you can come, as long as you behave yourself".
Then she would have said "dont worry I will"
hence you have just switched who is being graced by whos presence.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:52 pm 
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Some times it's hard to read the signs women give off when they are attracted and want to be with you and it's hard to know exactly what to do.

However it is not hard to read the signs when women DON'T want to be with you. When women don't want to be around you...they aren't. Nope, they don't look at you, don't initiate any contact with you and just walk away when you come around. Pretty easy to spot.

I agree with the other posters, this chick is attracted and wants to be with you. She wants to be charmed, pursued and seduced. All women do. The thing that separates this chick from the 3 billion others is that she wants to be charmed, pursued and seduced by you.

Since she isn't a real expressive and forward person that doesn't kino etc if you are waiting for her to make the first move or for her to make it happen, you are waiting for a moment that will never happen. She wants you to be the one to make it happen.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:18 pm 
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Well I was doing some research in a faculty building just 30 secs away from her dorm. I knew she was in.

I texted her - "at mcallum wing. you should come along."

5 hours later I get a - "I've had a poor day. maybe i might if i can drag my bones."

By then I had run into HB8.5 from above and I was finished with my research for the day. so I replied with a - "straight to bed with you then. We're just about to leave now anyway. It's getting dark and spooky."

That was yesterday.

I briefly ran into her again today on campus but I was actually in a hurry to get somewhere. She seemed happy to see me but I didn't have time to chat. I can't remember how the conversation got round to it but I said

"- so I hear someone had a poor day yesterday."

and she started telling me how she was sent some angry email that she recieved at 7am in the morning and it ruined her day. She said the person must have stayed up til 2am being angry with her. She was very upset and had to write 5 drafts of the email before deleting it and sending back a polite one.

I got the feeling she was trying to tell me something. She doesn't reveal much and it takes a lot to actually get her angry since she's not the dramatic type. I asked - "work email or something more personal?"

"Personal," she said.

I left it at that, changed the topic, and then I had to go.

What can you PUA analysts dissect from this?


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