They act as though they are victims and let that justify all their ill behaviour. There's this girl I've been getting along with real well for a while but she had a boyfriend.

Just recently she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her with 4 other girls. Then she told me she had slept with someone too but she waited until she broke up with him at least before she did that. They had only just broken up a day before. And then she's off sleeping with someone else.

This kind of thing has happened to me so many times. Like I was thinking it's be me she'd come to. But no. Like when I'm getting along real well with a girl does that mean there are like several others she gets along with just as well? Or better?

All girls are like this. How do I learn to accept them for this? And their bipolar personalities. I don't want to pretend to like these traits in them.

heres a piece of advice that will suit you for the rest of your life: NEVER EVER BE HER THERAPIST!!!!!!!!!!

the moment you become her therapist you become her friend and when you become her friend she aint gonna sleep with you!!! basically youve just become a girlfriend with a penis!!!

DONT LISTEN TO HER PROBLEMS, SHE'LL GET THE VIOLINS OUT GIVE YOU THE LONG EMOTIONAL TALK ABOUT WHY DO GUYS DO THAT TO HER YOU'LL SMILE CONTENTLY AND LISTEN THEN GUESS WHAT HAPPENS...... SHE'LL BYPASS YOU AND FUCK THE NEXT GUY

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it

Welcome to the friendzone. Population - Your limp dick.

The longer you refuse to man up and kino the shit out of the women you meet, the longer they will become initially attracted to you, and then lose interest because they assume (1) You're a pussy (2) You're gay (3) You're not actually sexually interested in them.

Most women (LIKE MOST GUYS) crave validation. Even if you're one of those three to her, if you're fun enough and you'll buy her lunch and sit there through her lame sob stories, she'll friendzone you in a heartbeat and add you the her cloud of hangers on who give her that attention.

When a guy comes along who is just as fun and interesting and smart as you, but who physically escalates, plays push-pull, is a challenge, and DOESN'T take any of her shit, then that's the guy she will chase and fuck. Be that guy.

mate I am in exactly the same boat as you - EXACTLY.

We had attraction and i built up so much tension it was untrue... but im too nice a guy and didnt do too much cos she had a bf. She wanted me but i found this forum after it was too late.

To cut a long story short - she met someone new although she is still with her cheating and violent bf. She met him recently whilst i was away.

i offered to help through her trouble and she would call at midnight or late at night with what her bf did and how shit she felt etc. i CARED FOR HER and was showing the caring side. I never flirted too much or barely touched her simply because i didnt show enough guts and MAN UP.

Now she is matey with me whereas a week ago she would still flirt a bit with me.

i have learnt two valuable and important things - dont think too much and just say and act how you want to say and act. fuck what she thinks. its better to show intent from the start than getting hurt by being friendzoned when you have the deep feelings for her.

EXACTLY.

If you're getting LJBF problems then try going out and being what you think is way too creepy and touchy and really escalate rapidly. If you spark even a bit of attraction you'd be surprised how much a girl is willing to let you do, and if you go too far, the wost that'll happen is she'll move your hand away, giggle and say "stop it...not here!" or something like that. You can just break contact, talk about something else and escalate more later, losing nothing.

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Here is the shortest solution possible to your problem:
Don't stereotype all women.
There are all kinds of people in the world. Men who are complete assholes, men who pretend to be nice, men who are actually nice and so on. Similarly is a variety of women in the world. It is possible that you might have had troubles with the same kind one too many times which might make you feel as though they're all the same, but in reality this is now true. You have to wait and gain wider experience. Life is uncanny, my friend

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Women are plenty, time is not.

i have a rule and it suits me well:NEVER LISTEN TO HER PROBLEMS, the moment you start listening to her problems she'll think you so sweet and always want to hang out with you, take you shopping for nice clothes to go out with and most importantly never want to have sex with you! basically she just made you gay!

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it

I think thats very extreme. When a girl has problems i mean for example a bf that beats her up and is violent - it is only natural to listen to her problem, right?

As for making you gay, i think thats also a touch extreme. The girl doesnt turn you into a girl and wont ask you to come shopping with them. I think sometimes the friend zone is simply because you have put yourself in the friend zone bY TAKING TOO MUCH TIME TO ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS and ultimately the delay you a guy ACTUALLY BEING A GUY AND MANNING UP.

I think that is the main cause and catalyst for a guy to be friend zoned.

Let me ask you something. I was friend zoned but when I asked the girl what do you want she hesitated and hesitated and never said the term friends until the second time of asking her what she wanted. Is that friend zoning? I asked her what about the tension between us and responded with "we cant talk about that at work"
So obviously she is feeling the tension too.

Is there such thing as friends with tension? being int he friend zone with tension?

If you think that all women are hurtful you've probably been hanging out with the wrong women.

Though I would like to clarify that there was no 'misbehaviour' on the part of the girl you discuss in this post; she neither cheated on her boyfriend nor abused you. Likely the two of you simply had different expectations for your friendship/relationship (in a non-dating sense). I'd recommend simply being clearer from the outset--there are absolutely ways to indicate that you would like to have something sexual happen between you and a current female 'friend' without intruding upon her relationship.

This exactly.

'I think thats very extreme. When a girl has problems i mean for example a bf that beats her up and is violent - it is only natural to listen to her problem, right?'

why would she be coming to you about her problems in the first place, because your her FRIEND,

if i was ever in the scenario where i'd laid the groundwork and then they slept with someone else i'd do 1 thing CUT THEM OFF COMPLETELY NO CONTACT! i know thats harsh but if i ve wasted effort and they slept with someone else why would i keep them around, why waste your time now when you could be having sex with someone else!

dont get me wrong i have female friends whose problems i listen to however i have zero intention of sleeping with them and never did!

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it

Absolutely there is I have the very same problem with my best friend we've both fallen for each other problem is she talked to all her friends about it and they all said bad idea you guys will never be the same if you break up blah blah. She goes I would be devastated if I ever lost you blah blah we've gotten intimate quite a few times but she always avoids me for a week or so afterwards after it happens cause she says she's scared. Honestly you have to change the person you are around her or stop talking to her for awhile and say you need space re-evaluate your approach towards her get her to miss you then try again. I did it myself and she started talking about being together but then I went back to caring for her to much and started listening to her again. I still busted her balls made her laugh and I've always kinoed the shit out of her but it's very hard to break through that barrier when you've been friends for a long time.[/quote]

I know this is a PUA forum and the aim is to get the girls you want etc but sometimes even if you cant get the girl you want you may just want to be friends and thats what you have. I totally respect you for that and ultimately am envious of your situation that i went past that.

I am hurting cos the girl knows she is hurting me. Today she sent me a text saying "Hey man, are you alright" cos she knew i was ill. What the fuck is that text? hey MAN? In the past week she has said "Thanks MATE" and "Hey MAN" - that hurts. Its like she is pushing me away and she is basically saying this is how I have to act for you to get the message - although I got the message by not having any contact for the past four days.

By the way In the year that I have known her - she has NEVER EVER used those two words MAN and MATE to me, EVER


Thats hurtful and even disrespectful.

Quick question: What do you do when she starts telling you about her problems? Change the subject? Ignore her? Walk away? Tell her off?

How do you pull it off without coming off as an insensitive douchebag that just wants to bang her?

if shes gonna discuss her problems she aint gonna sleep with you she'll be in too much of a bad mood! try to change the subject as discreetly as possible into something more positive, try something like ' i can see that this is getting you down lets talk about something more fun, you didnt want to come out just to talk about your problems did you?' because you've called her out on it, she wont talk about them anymore. truthfully you are a douchebag that wants to bang her and thats not a bad thing in fact its a great thing i have the bottle to admit it

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it

The girl didn't do anything wrong here, you just didn't show your intentions. Girls never put you in the friend zone, you put yourself in there by acting too much like a friend than a potential lover. I had the same problem, so I started to go more direct on girls and state my intentions right away. Even if she did have a boyfriend, if you were interested in her as more of a friend you should have still carried on flirting with her. Then as soon as he fucked up you would have been the guy she slept with rather than the guy whose shoulder she cried on.