Things getting serious, so shes getting scared



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:06 pm 
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I started hanging out with this girl 7 months ago, as friends. We hung out alot, but it didnt turn physical for about 2 months. When we first met, she said that she was terrible at relationships, and gets scared when things start feeling serious. So both of us agreed that we would keep it casual, and leave ourselves open. Well, over the past 2-3 months, we pretty much hang out every other day at least, and talk or text every day. The past month, she has become alot more affectionate...wanting to cuddle and kiss, but the sexual attraction has seemed to drop off. Tuesday night she came over because i was leaving for a work trip for a few days...We ended up having sex, but it took alot of work to get her in the mood...When she was leaving, I asked her if anything was wrong, because i noticed that she wasnt into sex as much the past few weeks. She said "no", but i asked her to tell me the truth, so she finally told me that things were getting serious lately, and that she was feeling scared...So i told her to stop hanging out with me so much then...She said that she loves hanging out with me, but she doesnt know what she wants. So i told her that we would not hang out as much, and start seeing other people. She didnt agree or disagree...she just got tears in her eyes...we kissed goodnight, and she left. She texted me yesterday morning to tell me that her brother made a surprise visit with her niece that she hasnt seen in 6 months, and that she couldnt come on our weekend trip that a bunch of us had planned. She was upset, but happy to see her brother. She asked if i could stop by on my way out of town Friday to meet him, so i said "Maybe, if I'm home in time"....We texted a few more times, then that was it. We havent texted since yesterday morning. We usually chat frequently throughout the day, and say goodnight before bed....I'm not sure what to do. Do I leave it, and wait for her to text me, so she'll actually miss me, or will she think I'm playing games, and get mad? I really would like things to go back to the way they were a month ago, when we were still having sex all the time, and I wasnt worried that the relationship was going to crap. Any good advice guys?
Thanks in advance


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:27 pm 
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My opinion,

Figure out what you want, and communicate how you feel to her openly and honestly. Find out where she's at, from what I read in your post I would guess that she has developed really strong feelings for you and is afraid of getting hurt. While telling her that you guys have the option of backtracking to something not exclusive is true, it probably scared her and reinforced the feeling that she's in too deep. That said, communication will take the guess work out of this, just go into it with a clear idea of what you want and discuss it with her, it will either make sense for the two of you or not.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:52 pm 
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Thank you Wagon...Thats a side that i never even thought about. She has told me that she has feelings for me that she has never felt before...Almost everything points to that, except the lack of sex. She told me that she broke up with her previous bf 3 times when things got serious...he ended up cheating on her and leaving her for another woman. I do want to persue a lasting relationship with her, but dont want to put all my feeling out there, when all she may be needing is a little space...I'm afraid that may push her further away. I feel like this is the most complicated relationship, but also the coolest chick i've ever been with...and i was married for 6 years. I'm thinking i should take my balls out of my pocket and just sit her down, and tell her that I'm there for her, wether she needs reassurance that i wont hurt her, or she needs some space. If it pushes her further away, then better now, then later.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:55 pm 
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as for the texting or calling...Do you think I should contact her tonight, or give her some space and wait till she contacts me?
thanks


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:30 am 
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What Wagon said.

Also, though, I would check to see if your "sex game" is at a peak. Because if she doesn't want to have sex as much, it may be because the sex sucks... Check up on some David Shade material.

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