So for a few weeks I've been hanging out with this girl. The short version is that she keeps showing a lot of signs of interest, but also keeps telling me that we have to just be friends because she is in no place to date right now. She just keeps showing enough signs of interest to keep me hooked, so basically she's just stringing me along for the attention. The other issue being that she's being very controlling and manipulative about it, to the point where she made me remove a specific picture of her from my Facebook... I think just to prove that she has control.

I have trouble with shit like this because I don't like to think a person would do that to another person... however, I think I just realized what the deal is. Basically, her father called her several times over a few days and she never returned the calls... and then she found out he died. So I think that right now she's very angry at herself and feeling guilty, and probably hating herself. So subconsciously she wants to keep me around and interested so that I'm showing her the affection she craves, and to get validaton that she's not a bad person... but keeping me at arm's length because she doesn't feel like she deserves it. I think the controlling and manipulation are another side effect too, although it's possible she's just that kind of a person and I don't know it yet.

So here's the question: Is there a value in telling her this, and how it's unfair to treat me that way because I need to have those feelings returned? A part of me thinks yes, as this could be the "tell a woman something profound about herself" DeAngelo speaks about... but on the other hand, maybe it's just a flat out lost cause already.

I basically just dropped contact with her after the picture thing, but we'll probably be seeing each other tonight at a group get together. My guess is she'l try to get me to walk her to her car afterwards, or try to get me to go to another bar with her or something. It's her usual MO anyway... so thinking maybe I go along with it and bring this up to her then?

A number of people will disagree with me but I think girls who treat guys for attention/affection and basically using and stringing them along deserve to be told that its fucking wrong.

i know this site promotes games etc but there is a point where the line is crossed.

This girl I have been chattin about in my thread - basically I feel she was using me for affection/attention so last night I told her to literally go away. I told her I have too much self respect. I feel she was using me whilst her boyfriend was treatin her like fucking shit so she used me to make her feel better about her self.

Maybe you could do the same and, tell her the situation, leavin the ball in her court. Freeze out for a while and then come back in when the girl is over her shit.

I am certain others on here will feel and tell you the contrary which is fine - but im kind of a chump anyways.

Onoma - Just break off all contact with her as you said you did. At the party do your best to ignore her. She seems to be an attention whore before her dad died, and now I bet she is a nut case due to her dad's death and how she never called him back. And don't allow any girl to gain control over you like that. Unless you are submissive personality wise.

Yes, she is just that kind of person. You don't need girls like this in your life... unless she is hooking you up with her girlfriends... just ignore her... and about bringing it up to her... I don't think there's any need... just move on.

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Knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.

After a week of no contact... I just got an email from her. We're both assistant organizers for groups on metup.com. she set something up for this Friday, and I set something else up in a different place... only to get an email from her to me and the head organizer. She's apparently pissed off because I'm "creating drama" and treating things as a popularity contest.


I just replied back that she was the one creating and looking for drama, that I didn't feel like driving all the way to her thing and wasn't really interested in the style of music. Also she bitched that I wasn't setting things up because I was on a break, and I shot back that if she'd ever really paid attention she'd know I was on a break that was just ending.

How should I take this?

Dude forget about her!!!!

She will bring you nothing but trouble. She's not even a nice person, why go there!?? Regardless of how many issues she has and whether you understand them or not, its not your job to be her councellor. I wouldnt even want to be friends with a girl like this, seriously (unless she has friends, but then again birds of a feather flock together).

Everyone has basically covered it already. But I'll second what Vision said, just forget about her!!

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Day By Day, Night After Night