Ok I'd like to hear from the more experienced members but of course all are welcome.

Been seeing a girl that recently broke up with her bfriend. She is very keen to see me again (met up 4 times so far) but i cant help noticing the way her and her ex still flirt on facebook (comes up on my newsfeed). They only broke up recently. now normally if youre in contact immediately after breaking up, its impossible for feelings to vanish over night which is understandable, which is why people chose to lose contact until both are over each other. They havent lost contact at all. Now im not jealous at all and i know shes into me, i just want to get a msg across that i aint going down this road if she is still into her ex in any way. she claims they are just friends and still 'really close'.

I feel like mentioning to her that the sexual flirting does not suggest 'friends' at all and she should rather give herself more time before getting further involved with me. I know she will come back with a 'noooo seriously we are overs for good, there is nothing there i promise!' in order to qualify herself to not lose me, but also to set a vague boundary for her.

So, would you say anything to her, or just carry on seeing her and if things seem they are getting more serious, then mention something. Alpha attitude would be to not give a shit about the bfriend, but also not accept certain behavior and to make that clear without giving a shit either.

You definately have to say something. Iv been in the same situation a few times, you risk being the rebound, and its not fun. Girls find it very hard to let go and move on. How long have they been broken up for? How serious were they? If they were serious then allow 3 months getting over period. If they were serious and she started seeing you a week after splitting up then GTF out of there.
whatever you do, you must tell her how you feel and what your thinking, but dont fall so easily for her qualifying, its her natural instinct.. Not an honest instinct.

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Its not the size that counts, its her ability to suck it!

Thanks for the reply...I agree with you but I think it could be risky telling her 'all' at this stage.

If I mention that its strange how her and her ex flirt quite intensely for being 'just friends’, she will think that I probably like her and am considering something serious with her (worst thing to tell her that now, unless she is REALLY into me). Whereas if I just wanted to fuck, I wouldn’t care about her flirting with her ex and would only be concerned with laying her (the way she would see it anyway).

Im not at the point where i know whether i want something long term or not, just want to see where it go's. But at the same time I dont want to waste time if she is still into the ex.

Ive been situations like this before and I have hurt a lot of girls by still being into my ex and screwing plenty rebounds on the side. Its not cool for the other side, at all.

Her and her ex were 2g for like 3 months (not long!), but knew each other for a long time before that, so they were quite serious as they were already close before they started dating. They have been apart for about 2 months.

Who dumped who?

If he dumped her kick her to the curb.

otherwise, your value judgement. but i'd put money on you being the rebound.

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

he ditched her (which of course makes things worse)

I have a theory, only get involved with those who made the decision to break up with their partner, OR if it was mutual. If they got dumped then chances are high that shes still into him (and probably wants him even more as she cant have him).

Heres the thing, he asked her to be his friend with benefits, she said not a chance and was hurt by it and is apparently at a point now where she is 'over' it and says too much has happened for her to ever go back. In addition, they only dated for 2 to 3 months, even though this is enough time to get pretty attached.

one more thing i forgot to mention, the only reason i havent 'kicked her to the curb' just yet is because I can tell she is into me. its fairly easy to tell when youre nothing but a rebound, the girl is almost care free, alot more forward and doesnt 'strategize'. she is always qualifying herself to me and does these 'friend material' tests, and i truely think that she considers me as bfriend material, not just a rebound. then again its impossible to know for sure, but theres one way to find out!

for some reason i cant edit my posts right now...i mean she does these 'boyfriend material tests' not 'friend material tests'. shes always fishing to see if im actually into her or not. anyway let yo know how it all turns out. she an absolute stunner and an incredible girl so i do think its easily worth a shot.

I've had "rebounds" claim they "love" me, so i'd be skeptical of using that as a litmus test.

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If you want to know how to be successful with women, learn to obediance train your dog...

Here's what I would do - just continue to be attractive, under the assumption that everything is cool and you understand it's hard to let go.

May be hard for you to hit that nail on the head if you can't get into the right mindset about it. If you really believe you are the shit, you won't care what goes on between them, even joke with the ex, completely friendly.

Cause the other way to look at it is you won't win her over by setting her boundaries, when you've only met 4 times!

If you know her answer will be "No we are over each other!" then what's the point of causing negative feelings by bringing it up? Girls are all about feelings, if she has more fun with you and feels relaxed and unrestricted around you, she'll come back.

I think there is a stage where if something's gone too far or gone on too long you have to say what your boundaries are, but you've only met 4 times, doesn't sound like it's time to get serious yet.

I agree with you, however the meeting 4 times thing doesnt really do our 'relationship' justice. We have only met 4 times, but known each other and have been chatting for over 3 months. As soon as we met each other she went on a 1 month holiday, when she got back I was on a business trip, when i got back she was away writing exams. So in the space of 3 months we have only been able to meet 4 times however have been chatting just about every single day. So we are close in that respect.

As you say I think the right way thing to do is go about it as if everything is cool, this is what ive been doing up until now. I also need to get physically intimate (sleep with her) asap as 3 months is a long time to leave that hanging (even though its been impractical for us up until now).

Thanks for the replies all!

Why not just work on being a better boyfriend?

You're like the owner of the shitty Chinese restaurant who tells all his customers, "Don't go to Chef Chow's House! They suck!"

You're right Kasabi and its the only option I have! ie. work on being the better boyfriend (assuming she WANTS another boyfriend that is)

Totally right, Visionx - the stereotype is that "it's not all about sex" for women, but physical intimacy is where she reads everything she needs to know about feeling good about you. From the romantic stuff to the bedroom.

No, no . . . how can she possibly WANT what she doesn't know? This is like asking a person who's never heard of Khmer cuisine, "Do you WANT 'Amok Trei'?"

It's your job to introduce her to what she doesn't know. You need to introduce to her a life that is a helluva lot more FUN than lingering around some dopey guy who just dumped her and wants to still cum down her throat every 2nd weekend.

I have always believed that if a girl is that into you (ie. youve done your job properly), it will be in-congruent with her natural INSTINCT to not want an exclusive and long term relationship with you. Kasabi I agree with you. Regardless of what she SAYS, her emotions/feeling control her actions at the end of the day, so work on those rather than listening to what she THINKS she wants. I posted something on this topic a while back. I also believe that any so called PUA that thinks he doesnt want an exclusive relationship, is making false claims without even knowing it. He just hasn't met the girl yet which causes him to change that 'decision'.