Hey, long post but help would really be cool.

My 'niche' is bartender chicks. I seem to have a thing for them and a system down that makes me stand out more than their patrons or regulars.


So two weeks ago meet a new hire bartender at this new place. Beautiful girl, black hair , blue eyes, cute walk, quirky, but not stuck up, sweet (seemingly), and down to earth, great laugh.

I meet her on her first day on the job. We talk, she seems interested. Asks me questions like where I'm from, etc,etc. She mentioned a couple stories and told me, "You have to come back next week to hear the rest". As she leaves I wave her off in the street and she says "See you next week", she says. I say , "I'll try"!!!

I appear next week same time, same place. She seems excited to see me. I play it a little too 'cool' and aloof, because I wasn't trying to linger or hang around. Also one of her guy friends ALWAYS hangs around, to the point of nausea. Sits there and talks to her and they shut out the world. Kinda of hard to get into their space.

So I leave her and her shadow to talk to themselves. Go across the bar (two bar club) and I meet ANOTHER NEW HIRE. THis one is way more receptive, open, digs me (I think) we play and tease each other, she asks me stuff, etc. It goes WELL. Ends up with me hugging her as she leaves.

First girl seems jealous. Keeps looking at me talking to her the whole time. Comes over and waves bye in my face like a little kid after she just saw me give a goodbye hug to her new coworker. I wave back in her face in the same way and I kinda of gave a "yeah this waving stuff is too cutesy for me" vibe.

I'm not so interested anymore in girl #1. Girl #2 is SEXY, girl #1 is more GF material and 'cute'.....that's how the first encounter ends.

I go back next week same day and girl #1 has a total different attitude. She seems to snub me, acts like I'm 'bothering' her. Maintains secret world with her guy friend and shuts me out of any attempt at combo, so I leave, say "fuck this" in my head. So we don't even talk anymore....it just died.

So my problem is I think girl #2 is SEXY and get's my animal side going more, and she's more my body type and style. But girl #1 seems the type of girl I wanna wrap up in my arms and have some Romantic Comedy Hugh Grant thing with. I can't get her out of my brain now.

It's not ONE'ITIS though. I have other options. It's just that I wonder "what went wrong". Maybe that's why I'm thinking of her more, because I was REAL interested in her, she got jealous, it fizzled, she snubs me now....and I am into BOTH chicks for different reasons, with the #1 being 'unavailable' to me now.

WTF happened? And how should I proceed if I ever see Girl #1 again?

What went wrong is that you're allowing the World around you to dictate who you are, who you desire, and what you do.

A girl is like this and like that . . . .and another is like that and like this. OK . . . so what??? This is what GIRLS are supposed to do. They are supposed to be finicky, moody, and constantly changing their minds. This is their nature. Why are you allowing them to change who you are?

The following is not a set-in stone code for man but it should be a general guideline:

1. Man's goal: SHOULD NOT change like the weather. You set a goal and you F'ing go for it. What do you want to achieve? What do you want now? Tomorrow? 5 years from now? 50 years from now? These decisions should not flip around. You'll have absolutely no direction in life.

However . . .

2. Man's strategy: should in fact have some flexibility. You should learn to read situations. You should learn to evolve. Strategy is "how to achieve" your goals.

So if you've already made a decision to go after 1, then based on her changes in behavior, you can shift your strategy. If you've already decided to go after 2, then based on the current environment, you can shift your strategy.

You CANNOT change your goals. (There are of course exceptions to this rule but those exceptions don't apply in your case)

The problem is that you DO NOT have goals. You're allowing 2 bar girls + some dopey love-sick patron dictate your goals. This is weak and unbecoming of a man.

Sorry but your response is odd to me.

I'm not letting ANY chick "define who I am". Change who I am? Huh?
Obviously
Yeah, that was kinda the point of my post. Is the HOW of the situation.

Dude, seriously? At this point I don't even get what you're saying and don't think you TRIED to get what I posted. You just wanted to come down on me from some fucking podium with your finger waving in the air.

Playing "Mr. Lecture" isn't gonna cut it with me at least dude. Go yank on some college kids nuts here if that's your gig, and next time , try to answer a question someone asked.

What happened?

You made Number 1 jealous and she apparently can't get over it.

Forget her. You think she's relationship material... I doubt it. Not if she gets *that* jealous over you talking to another girl.

She's freezing you out man. And predictably you're left thinking about her. It's what you should be doing to get girls chasing you. But instead you're left chasing her.

So either forget her and go after Number 2 or work out some way to break the freeze-out without looking too desperate.

I'd go for the first option personally since number 2 seems like a better chance for a payoff and you prefer her anyway.

From what I read here it seems you are into #1 more than #2 and you're trying to justify your interest in #2 to make yourself feel better about losing #1.

Kasabi makes valid points, your initial goal was to get #1, however you have given up very easily! (ie. allowed her to swing you off your original goal path purely because she is being a bit of a child). Its easy to see that your goal should still be #1, she is the challenge and the prize. #2 seems to be a 'nice to have' on the side. If you dont see #2 as gfriend material but would like #1 as a gfriend, well then immediately #1 is of higher value to you overall! (unless a quick fuck is of more value to you than a loving girl friend).

Unless you were for some reason turned off by #1 and not attracted to her anymore (which is clearly not the case), you should pursue her. If she is snubbing you then take on a different approach. She is making it blatantly obvious that she is into you, she is deliberately showing you how jealous she is what more do you need!! Try a more gentle and subtle approach with #1 next time you see her when engaging her, and indicate your interest a little more directly once shes warmed up to you. You may find her attitude changes immediately, and who knows maybe even make her your girl friend.