| I was in a similar if a little less severe situation in high school. I made that similar shift from sociable and careless to worried, hassled, nervous, anti-social, depressive, and awkward. And, yes, especially around girls that I was interested in, or girls that I found attractive. So I hope it comforts you to know that you are definitely not the only one to ever go through this kind of situation, and there are definitely ways out.
It feels like shit to lose something you once had and took for granted. It feels like shit to be at rock bottom and not see the top. But move past that. You need inspiration to pick yourself back up.
It sounds to me like you are censoring yourself. When you feel like saying something, you second guess yourself and the validity of your opinion in contrast with other opinions, and you freeze up. You don't value yourself. And if you don't value yourself, how do you expect others to value you?
Maybe you do value yourself, but you are too afraid to express that for whatever reason. You are too afraid to say something, to ask a girl her name or number, to say a joke, to make a statement, to state an opinion. You are too afraid to put yourself out there for fear that you are going to be thrown on the floor, ridiculed, and stomped on and left to die.
Don't be afraid. I know that's easy for me to sit here and type in this post and for you to read and take in as valid advice and then forget when you walk out the door into that big wide world full of people waiting to ridicule your every word, but I speak no lie. This is real. You need to be able to face that reality.
When you are in a conversation, what is going through your head? Take a second and think about that. What are you thinking? What are you holding back? Write it down. I mean, take out a pad of paper and a pen, and write it down in a list. What are you holding back, what are you thinking, what do you fear? What do you want? What do you need more than anything to make you happy? Write everything down. You could have a list 1000 items long, you may end up with a single line on that page, one single thing that you want that you just can't seem to grasp. This is your inspiration.
Now you need to work for that thing, or those things, on that list. You want to be less awkward in social situations and to regain that swagger that you once had and unfortunately lost. First thing you need to do is take off that censor. Life isn't a PG movie. Say what you want to say, when it comes to your head. Within reason, of course, but when your opinion comes to your head, as soon as it does, don't second guess yourself. This is like a multiple choice question. If you circle a., don't think twice, erase it, then circle c. because you think it's what the teacher wants. What do you believe? Make it known.
You don't need to be funny. Don't fall into that trap that everything that comes out of your mouth needs to be funny to have value and to be respectable. Sure, humour lightens the mood, is attractive and comforting, and is extremely helpful to a relationship and social situation, BUT it isn't if its all that you say or do. Incorporate humour, but not solely.
Don't be afraid of the awkward silence. It will happen, and if it does, if it makes you uncomfortable, then you have been defeated. Don't be defeated by silence. Let it happen, then take charge. That means that there is a gap in the conversation, a gap where one topic has died and no one has bridged the gap or revived the conversation. This is where you need to work on free association. What comes to your mind from the last topic you were talking about? If you are talking about, say, a movie everyone saw, and the topic dies to a silence, what is another movie you saw that was good? Speaking of movies, how cool would it be to be an actor? How cool would it be to be rich? If you were rich, how would you spend your money? If you could make a movie, what would it be about? These are just some examples. Don't hold yourself back.
I know this post was kind of philosophical and deep, but I really believe that this can help you, and that you can get out of this slump. You just need to actually try.
Good luck, and keep living,
-Sharplin
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CHAT
