I am having a really hard time completely letting go of an ex of mind. The strange and most annoying thing about it is that I really don’t want to be with her and I know that she is not good for me but I can’t seem to finally let go.

Back story is that we started dating back in May 2009 and she pushed for us to be exclusive after only a few weeks. I was a total AFC at the time but was really happy so I still had a lot of attractive characteristics. I found out she was cheating on me after a month or two and broke up with her. We then proceeded to go off an on until November where I finally broke it off and cut all contact. I started studying game right around the time I found out she cheated on me.

A few weeks ago we ran into each other at the bar and I was able to build attraction pretty quickly and she later called me up late that night looking for some loving. I had a friend over so I said no. After that we did a lot of flirty texting for a few weeks and finally started hanging out on her birthday weekend. I don’t know why I agreed to meet with her since I knew nothing good would come of it. We hung out like 4 days in a row and it was really nice. We didn’t have sex but we hooked up to my frustration. During this time she was super sweet and was the one pursuing me. Then however her attitude completely changed and became very cold to me. She no longer was trying to initiate contact and stopped sending me flirty texts. This frustrated the hell out of me and I soon found myself with familiar feelings of insecurity, bitterness, and jealousy. This really sucked because I’ve been working on inner game for quite a while and thought I was passed those types of feelings.

So my question/frustration is why I even care. After studying game and all the biological processes that control our behavior I understand that it probably has something to do with my hard wiring and my ego but it is frustrating that I can’t just let it go and not care. I read a great quote that said “whoever cares less controls the relationship”. This is so true and she obviously cares less than I do right now. I don’t want her back as a girl friend. I would like to sleep with her but I would rather just completely rid myself of her.

Has anybody been through something like this? The normal advice to GFTOWN is not what I am looking for since I have slept with many girls since her and it hasn’t helped much. I understand that we want what we can’t have but this is getting ridiculous. Please help!

Thanks
~Carmo~

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~Carmo~

Man I know that its easier to say something from my end when I'm not in your situation but maybe I can offer you a perspective to help.

Move on from this trash.

Ignore her, block her, never even respond to her again. Who cares if it shows weakness like cut her off completely and that should do the trick. Don't let her contact you again, like delete her number ignore texts from her. You feel this way because you still have feelings for her and let her back into your heart.

You just want to prove some shit to yourself and your talking about how your inner game is solid but obviously it isn't.

This girl is nothing but bad news. That might be harder for you to see when you think you care about her or that she is different or changed but I bet she is just trying to win you back to see if she can then once she does she's playing you.

I feel your pain man but seriously let it go fuck someone else. Fuck her if you want, I'm sure you could but why would you want to? You are only going to hurt yourself in the end, especially if you think she changed and get back with her for whatever reason.

Yeah man. Cut off all ties. Fuck it. Shae used spend goods. It may fuck with your head for a while but you know whats best.

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Was born to rock and built to last. You'll never see my feet cause they move so fast

i found this in another post which i posted a long time ago.. right now im laughing about the agressive energy i've written :S omg ..well.... i hope it helps

Quote:
You will become angry at women, angry at her, angry at the world and you will be unattractive for women for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.


this is true .. you will start treating woman as objects and not as humans.
my anger has turned into power , i no longer care about woman or what they want and i have become less AFC. Unattractive to woman this is true when you get a new GF you will be like ''ok now what'' normally you would think'''great i like her etc''

dude she fucking cheated on you, PARTNERS don't cheat on eachother BUT FRIENDS DON't cheat EITHER.
i once told a girl when she cheats our relationships ends but also our friendship.. you know why ?

imagine yourself a room with ak-47, machineguns and hand grenades - now imagine the word friend being somewhere between the machinguns and the grenades. With that word she can make you dance but also can make yourself dance YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS on the day she decided to cheat SHE LITERALLY ENDED the friendship.

Friendships are based on trust to !

She cheats and you acted like you want some space etc.. your actions made her feel like it's over and you don't wanna try.
SHE DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY - FUCK HER
you didn't cheat so its your way or the highway
Quote:
She told you that she cheated on you, and was ready to show you how much she loved you. You basically didn't put up a fight. So she was disapointed. Game Over man. I'm sorry.


yep you didn't act fast enough dude...... you actually indirectly said you didn't care about her feeling guilty

You have to stop wanting this bitch back ... WHEN YOU DON'T CARE you are not emotionally attached .... the one who isn't emotionally attached will decide the outcome.

1. Don't call her and look needy, don't chase her for a few weeks - that will decrease some pressure and stress. She ignores calls and txt messages with a reason !

2. The more you think of her the Worse it gets , stop thinking about her because the most important person in the relationship is you.
The more you think of her the worse it gets - you are decreasing your own self esteem

3. Don't feel bad about what you have said '' oh if i didn't said this we would get back together , damn i suck '' FUCKING NO ... you said everything with a reason and meaning - actually you are behaving gently, you told her you need some time and she didn't gave or respected that.
i would fuck another girl and sent the pics to her as revenge but that’s my style.

4. She is immature about it .... don't even argue and don't even charge her. grown ups can't deal with kids and vice versa. there is absolutely no logic in her brain - she's purely controlled by emotion.

5. DON'T EVEN START about being friends or whatever .... it's better if you hang yourself on the highest tree branch, Don't even promise anything.

I said the most important person in the relationship is you ... you have to make her think that as well... by chasing her and literally sending a lot of messages ( dude she cheated for fuck sakes get a grip on your dick... ) you made her think she's the most important person in the relationship.
you literally made her feel like your eating grapes out of her asshole.
She is on top of the relationship, in reality it's not true but it's probably what she's thinking - now she decides the outcome and you can't do shit......

That’s why you should stop contacting her.

you don't want to hear this but :

1. when she was saying she felt guilty you could contact her and tell her you want to get back together - you would probably fuck each other the same day and everything will be ok.
---- if you did this she would walk all over you and think you didn't mind her kissing someone else, if your not letting her now cheating is unacceptable she will do it again.

2. if you told her straight away you want to break up and she's a bitch she probably would feel MUCH WORSE.... you can give a woman enough rope to hang her on.. sometimes you give her a inch. if you don't let her know she's hanging on a inch she will try to take control. You gave her TOO MUCH ROPE and when she climbed up you kicked her down.
--- if you dumped her straight away there was a bigger chance for getting her back over a certain period of time..... but she already cheated on you so she probably will get over you rather quickly and gets a new BF.

Moving on and forgetting her is also an option... c’mon I mean she cheated ... maybe she's even fucking around with someone else right now.
Your trust has been damaged and you will probably have thought the same.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER
YOU CANNOT CHANGE HER MIND
The only person you can control is you ! who cares what she thinks ?! stop thinking about what she thinks and get your shit back together.

in the army, i dodged a lot of bullets.. i survived.. i could do this by clearly CONTROLLING MYSELF in a situation that IS OUT OF CONTROL .
GET YOU SHIT TOGETHER and start thinking about what you want
START thinking about what's good for you

you don't want her back ?
-- THEN STOP BEING A FUCKING WUSS AND MOVE ON .. she cheated so you got the right to fuck another girl.

you want her back ?
stop being emotional ... get control of yourself ... stop being AFC - GET A FUCKNIG GRIP ON YOUR LIFE.
she cheated on you .. she acted like a whore ! then fucking treat her like a whore by not giving shit about her.
i think you need a hard kick in the ass -a good wake up. i would literally visit you and plant my feet in your arse.

She probably doesn't love you as much as you love her, that gives her way more control. You know what I’m going to kick a hole in this maze by telling you right now ( and be honest to yourself ) you are taking control.
fucking close your eyes count down from 3 to 1 and tell to yourself you are taking control of yourself.

I tell you straight away what she thinks.. the first 5 things :
1. she probably feel bad about this as well . and she probably felt really guilty.
2. who gives a shit what she thinks
3. who gives a shit what she thinks
4. who gives a shit ....... probably something about her washing her hair
5. she thinks your not worth it because you didn't reacted when she told you she felt guilty - she thinks your over her in some way.
she cheated and she's not worth it.... the cunt is making excuses for herself

ok we have sort that out now we get back on how to get her back.

first of all you are an total idiot ... this girl is not worth it she already fucked up everything and is prone to doing it again.
i would fuck another girl and let her know it the next day....
but you are really courageous to ! it takes a lot of trust and guts to get her back as well.

1. give it time.... it can get better over time .. maybe SHE contacts you after a month !?!?
2. wait for an extended period of time and tell her :

tell her whatever girl you meet and even the girl you met after your break up can't satisfy you ... tell her you keep seeing her face wherever you go.
maybe tell her that there is only one of her kind, all other girls suck.
this is AFC but if she feels bad over a extended period of time this van give her an emotional boost thus increasing your chances.

3. try to be friends and try to get from friends to pants.

not legit ... you can't be a friend when you are manipulating her only to get into her pants..... WHO CARES - if it get's you into her pants are you both back together well great!

BIG RISK

Friends doesn't mean you will get involved in any love ... maybe it backfires , she gets over you and she fucks another guy while you are being her friend. it can fuck you up even more... mentally and physically.
remember the word friend is somewhere between the 50 CAL sniper rifle and the grenades ..... ''one shot, one kill''

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the most fucked up thing that can happen to you is your one-itis getting worse
you get desperate and maybe desperately forcing contact thus creating a super massive black hole that sucks up all your chances and will to life.
you will get ultra desperate for a few weeks and maybe fuck up on college or work.

you are emotionally hurt by her cheating and emotionally hurt by getting more involved in rejection. maybe you will become suicidal or you lock yourself in your room for a few weeks.

and you will think why ( you will get over her in time .. don't worry )

THE REASON IT HAPPENED ... I want you to imagine this ......

1. you are happily married and together for a few years .... suddenly she cheats and a few months later she turned out to be pregnant. ( this shit happened to me )

2. Or you are where you are right now .. she cheated now .. you ain't married and she isn't pregnant.

what do you want ? number 1 or number 2 ?

the meaning of the situation is the PROVE she can't be trusted, she's probably to immature or incapable of a solid relationship, she is not worth it ... that’s the meaning behind the situation . If your relationship was solid she wouldn't cheat.

now imagine this :

you and you EX -GF are the only one on the planet.. there is no one else to fuck. nehhhhhh wrong this is not what you imagine but this is how you feel !
this one-itis is a thorn in your rational mind, stop caring much ! get rational !

what happened above with the marriage - pregnancy - cheating thing really happened to me.... my one-itis was fucking worse i felt like shit i thought like shit and i breathed shit.
i took me literally 6 months to become non-suicidal , took me 6 months to get my shit back together.. and I’m still not over it.

You know why I’m not over it .... because you never get over it , you always have a special feeling towards a special or certain person.
last week i saw my ex-fiancé again and my one-itis risen .. i felt bad for a whole week.
Don't fight it .. just let it pass - don't resist when you dont have to.

some feelings will never go away .. you just forget, it will get burried deeply inside your memories

this one-itis is illusion ... it's created in your head .. because it is in your head you can take control of it.

when you feel bad go to your friends , go out and have a blast, get some hobbies go to the gym.
realize there are a lot of people who faced the same problem your not the only one.
there are still millions of woman who are single and they want to meet you and get laid, don't forget about that.

just make up your mind about what to do with her and your life and stick to that.
And no matter what i or other people say you will still do some things , and some things will feel good for you ....even if i tell you to not do it.
I would dump the bitch but if you want her back then get her back

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I know you guys are right and thanks for waking me up to reality. I basically came to this conclusion on my own last weekend and cut contact and deleted her number from my phone (literally went through the entire call log to get rid of all of it).

I know that she is bad news; I know that it will never work; I know that she is a piece of shit. I guess my fascination with this whole thing is that I can know all these things and yet I still yearn for her. But I guess according to you guys there will always be a little bit of this feeling inside me. I thought my inner game was pretty tight but this was a serious reality check and I failed the inner game test. It was amazing how just hanging out with her for a few days could literally flip my emotions around on me. Crazy stuff.

Thanks
~Carmo~

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~Carmo~

That is a much better way to handle this situation and you will feel so much better for it in the end.

If you let her back into your mind, heart and life then you can't feel like you are seriously done.

You have to admit and understand that you will never go back to her, no matter what she does, you are done, you can't trust her. Even if she comes at you like I love you, I'd never do this again, saying any number of reassuring things, a woman like this will do that. She knows what to say to make you trust her again, just don't.

NEVER trust her again, no matter what. It's not about doing that to gain her back or prove something, just don't put yourself in that situation. There are THREE BILLION women on this planet and at least 1% of those women won't do this so find one of those.

Update: No contact since Saturday night and still going strong. I have some family visiting this weekend so I expect to make it a week of no contact with ease. I am not implying that after a week I will call her or anything I just figure that after a week it will probably be further out of my mind. Thanks for the advice guys.

~Carmo~

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~Carmo~

Lode,

Your saying that if you split with someone but stay as friends and then try and work your way back up that shits dangerous? because i'd say that pretty much sums up my own personal situation now

Update:
Ok so I’ve been continuing the no contact thing and working on completley eliminating my ex from my thoughts. I’d had a tuff time doing this but during the last week I had made a lot of progress and yesterday I felt that I was finally 100% over her. So of course she starts texting me last night asking if I will accept her FB friend request. This is pretty typical I must say that the minute I get over her she decides to start contacting me again. I could have easily tried to game her with some cocky/funny humor and bust her chops but I really felt no desire to do so. Here is how the texts went.

Her: I just sent a friend request to you, are you going to accept it.
Me: (45 minutes later) Ya
Her: Thanx that’s nice of you

By practically ignoring her I figure she will probably start wondering why I’m not trying to talk to her or anything since usually I am the one who is really chatty. Thing is that I don’t want anything to do with her anymore. I should have said no to the friend request and told her to fuck off

_________________
~Carmo~

Carmo is the fact you have so many memories and history together part of the reason you can't let go? I'm trying to do this in my own head right now but go back to before her and remember you were fine? You were probably better than fine you were probably great so just try and think that fuck it you can survive without this bitch in your life. Now im giving advice i should really take myself, but this difference for me is that shes going to stay in my social circle.. ah well goodluck bro

Rich you are right. When I look back at the time just before I met her it was one of the most happy times in my life. I was very active, eating right and exercising which made me feel great. I have made a lot of progress this week and have been able to keep my mind off her and actually dont want anything to do with her anymore. I got a bit of a crush on a girl at work I have been slowly gaming which has helped. We work pretty closely though at the office so its kind of a delicate situation.

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~Carmo~

yes it's very dangerous ... because in short term ; you can go on the street and score some hottie with a better peronality. instead you choose to waste time on a girl who isn't important anyway.

meaning you don't think you deserve the best.....
think what it will do with you if you adopt the above mindset for a few months. you think she has value because deep inside you don't value yourself - you think you need her in order to be complete.

SHE IS ARBITRARY AND SUPERFICIAL... if you took a shit for 2 minutes longer you wouldn't met her in the first place.... it isn't fate it.

Cut her out off your life and do this for several months, in a few weeks she would probably fuck some other guy and you are there chasing her getting fucked up in the head....
dude we all faced the same problem like you ... you don't need solutions or a shitload of description - CUT HER OUT OFF YOUR LIFE plain and simple. i Had gilrfriend who i didn't cut off ..... right now im sometimes thinking WTF i shoulda cut them off earlier - trust my own intuition more.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I think Lode is right on the money with this Rich. I had cut my ex out completely for a few months and things were going really well. Few weeks ago I run into her out at the bar and before I know it we are hanging out again. Within just a few days all the bad shit had returned and left me fucked up in my head. I again cut off contact and can honestly say now that I don’t give a shit about her or what she does. I feel sooooo much better. Really not sure what took me so long to be able to mentally/emotionally shut her out but I am happy that I have. Better late than never I guess. Learn from my mistake and do not let her back in, it will only screw up your head. Focus your energy on newer better women.

~Carmo~

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~Carmo~

o yeah keep this in mind ... whenever you feel bad and you feel temporarily inner value loss , you will lose the attention in the present moment.
when you do you will probably scan memories that gave you higher value -often memories from other people.

if you lose attention in the present moment for whatever reason - example ; a girl that's rejecting you at pickup - you will often withdraw in your mind out of the present moment.

what often happens is that you remind the memories of your ex-GF, DO everything to keep your mind in the present moment when you get certain past thoughts. Value loss is ONLY from the inside not from the outside.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

So the ex starts texting me Saturday and acting very very nice which is a big change since last time I had talked to her. She kept trying to get me to come out to the bar and was pretty suggestive about what she wanted. I didn’t feel like going out with her friends so I decided not to go. I am happy I stayed strong but feel kind of stupid for turning down easy sex. Anyway for some reason the next day I shot her a text to see how her night went. No response for 7 hours later and then she texts that she just got up and that she had a “really long night last night”. The way I interpret that is “I was up late having sex with somebody else”. I didn’t write back. Any thoughts?

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~Carmo~