So this girl i used to know invited me out to the bar with her and her friends, so i was like cool. Everyone was wearing standard t-shirt and jeans, but i had on jeans, a button up casual shirt and a blazer sport coat on. This chick basically thought i was "GQ". Then she asked what my job was and i said im a writer, which i am, but im not getting rich off it, just paying my tuition with it, and she said "oh" thats why your dressed nice. Or is it because your pretentious?"


I just responded by saying "what do you think?"

Then she tried to make it funnier by saying is it because you're fat?
Then i said yeah because im fat. Im actually on the skinny side of average.

Is it that big of a deal to dress nice, or was she just trying to neg me? It was all fairly playfully said.

Problem with how you handled the situation was you let her take control of the conversation. She clearly started conversation with you and suddenly she grabbed you by the sack.

Could of DHVd by saying giving a story of your writing experience and explain a bit why you dress that way (while DHVing of course).

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I don't think the handling of the situation was particularly bad. Though you could just tease her about thinking every person who likes dressing nice is pretentious.

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Don't hate, just dominate.

First I think its a shit test. You can think of it like a neg since you said it was playful, but truly girls are programmed to unconsciously give tests like this so I don't think of it like a neg which is used to lower someones value and self esteem a small fraction. Essentially she was challenging your character and security/insecurity, testing to see how strong you are. OK, so you knew that... I just wanted to reiterate.

Anyway - in hindsight I would have intercepted the entire shit test after she showed either verbal or nonverbal signs of thinking you overdressed... I'm sure she gave an initial non-verbal. When she asked your job, you can assume that it had to do with your dress and you fire away before it leads to her real question.

I like mystery's suggestion here. After she asked your job, I would catch the attention of someone near her and say "does she always ask boring questions like that straight away?" (a neg). If no ones close by you can say a number of things all along the lines of negging her for asking that question (its pretty lame anyway, to be honest).... but be prepared because shes not gonna let up anytime soon. The best thing you can do is turn it into a banter, which can be hard, but essentially is a series of negs back and forth until u both just laugh and realize what's going on. At that point, you'll have a lot working for you.

Oh something else you could do is when she asks ur job you can say I'll only tell you if you get it in 3 guesses.... of course shes gonna be a smart ass and say ridiculous shit... pick the most ridiculous one and say yeah hah weird you're right. Then she may say "so thats why you're dressed that way, or is it that you're pretentious" and you can reply "nope, I guess its because I am a [insert profession]".

At some point (early) break the topic and transition to something more interesting. Be sure you watch body language and don't do this in a way that projects insecurity over not fitting in. You can even say that you do your own thing and don't care about fitting in, thatd probably be ok.