Hello fellows...

I am in dear need of your sincere advice,
This dilemma is not the usual 'help me get laid' -type of question (although those are great), but this is of a somewhat philosophical nature...

It is about when two big desires in life are conflicting.

Here's the story in short...

Growing up, as a younger male (I'm 33 now), I had two major strong beliefs (relevant to this story):

1: The first girl I was to date and sleep with was going to be a really special and super-great girl.
2: Then I'm going to spend the rest of my adult life living like a playboy, at least until I'm 60 or so.

It took me until I was 23 to find this girl. But, man she was was/is like a fairytale-princess to me. Super sweet and the most kind-hearted and loving person I've ever met in my life.

I had imagined we'd spend about 6 months as a couple, which to me at that time (having had no previous relationship), seemed like a fairly long time.
However, we liked each other so much so a few years went happily by. And for every year I've just fell deeper and deeper in love with her.
Mind you, I was not simply lulled into complacency. No, rather she never cease to amaze me with new adorable qualities.
Every day I long to meet her after work and amazingly we've almost never argued at all in all these years together.

I've never really "played the field" nearly as much as I would have liked to, but I'm no stranger to girls, and I've had a handful flings and shorter relationships while abroad. Mostly earlier since our relationship was not really "official" at that time.
My point being that I'm not delusionally thinking my girl is the greatest just because of lacking experience with others. I don't believe that to be the case.

For quite some time, various outside circumstances made it unsuitable for me to embark on my playboy-dreams so I thought that I may as well postpone our parting until later.

Now, we've been together for almost ten years! Jeez man ...as mentioned above I had 6 months in mind when we started!
But the thing is... it's been ten absolutely wonderful years, relationship-wise!

But now I've come to the point that I those outside practicalities are no longer holding me back and I feel I need to finally make a choice.

If I stay with this wonderful, super-sweet, kind-hearted girl, we would probably have a very happy and loving relationship for the rest of our lives.
What worries me, is that maybe I will always have a small but ever nagging wonder inside of me asking myself what what life would be like if I had followed my original goal and gone for the playboy-life instead.

Or should I risk it all and go out "playing the field", maybe to only find out I've left behind the greatest person I'll ever meet and a relationship most people go through life only fantasizing about.

Over the years I've been studying a lot of of seduction-material (although not practiced a lot for obvious reasons) so I know the mantra is that there's plenty of fish and abundance-menatilty etcetera. And absolutely I do agree with those statements, at least when it comes to one-night stands or even year-long relationships.
But when it comes to kindred souls, someone you love more for each day and each year. If we're honest we all know those kind of matches does not grow on trees.

I've been postponing the decision hoping that time would somehow provide me with the answer to this riddle, but it hasn't.

I have reached the point where I could really use some advice...

The thing with us, human beings, is that we always want more. We're NEVER SATISFIED. We are, for a little while, but then we want something else.

When we develop an infatuation, we believe that this is the person (and the feeling) we've been looking for all those years (got that from "The Beach", but it's true). And usually, when this phase is over, we get pissed off. And want that feeling again. We try to maintain the relationship, but it's not gonna work in the end. However, many couples stay together just because "they're fine" with the situation and hey, they got a partner and some stability in their lives. They argue, they fight, love turns into hate turns into love (Eckhart Tolle).

Now, when I read about YOUR situation, I conclude that you're both happy, don't fight and really LOVE each other. Isn't this amazing? Isn't this what love should be like? You really want to give up what you have for some "couple of months infatuation with a girl that's definitely more crazy that the one you have now"?

You should always do what you want. But ask yourself this question: is it worth giving up this great girl, this great relationship (which is JOY OF LIFE) for some PLEASURES (temporary, just to satisfy your ego)?

I'd know what I would do... Realize I'm blessed to have such a fruitful relationship! And go to my girl RIGHT NOW and make some good love. You're welcome.

What he says.


Dude, you have found what most of us dream about





Don't throw it away

The reason I've gotten into pick-up is because I'm searchin a girl like that. I think everyone does, I bet everyone good PUA will stop gaming, if they find a girl they truely love.

It's good that you realize you have this amazing relationship, and I completely understand you double feeling about it. And it must be the most, bothering, worrying and conflicting tought going around in your head right now.

You feel angry at yourself for feeling this way. Because you know so many man search for something you got, and yet you dont want it anymore.

You don't want hurt her, you love her. But yet you feel prisoned. You don't want to risk this great thing you already got, but yet you want to get outside and have new experiences.
You're also doubting, because you don't know if you will succeed in beeing a playboy and living that life you otherwise tought you've had.

But, I want you to think to yourself, what will make me truely happy?
Will you keep beeing truely happy with her for the rest of your life not able to pursue the things you want to do?
Will you become truely happy if you hurt this girl you love and leave her alone?

I know your answer, NO.

Think again, what would make you truely happy. I believe you have to do what makes you truely happy.


You have a relationship with this girl for 10 years, you don't have to wave her goodbye to pursue your happiness.
She loves you too, you love her, she cares about you, you care about her too. You expect each other to be fully honest. And you want to know each other for 100%.

So tell her, tell her what's on your mind, and tell her how much it's bothering you. Only then you can walk a path towards complete happiness.


Much love,

zendelo

Agreed with previous posters.

Honestly man, this kinda reminds me of the tale of Siddartha, who became the Buddha. He is born into the Brahman cast, and all he has to do is live a simple life and he will reach nirvana. But he isn't satisfied, and goes out into the world to try and make more of his life. He falls into depths of misery and shame few know of, but then, he realizes how stupid he's been, and he finds that living the simple life is best.

You, like the Buddha, can set out on the playboy life, and, hell, maybe you'll find a great girl some day, or you can be satisfied with what you have now.

It's a tough decision. I suggest you stick with the girl. But it's still your choice.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

Yes, the abundance mentality just tells you there are plenty of women out there you can fuck. The ones you will truly get along with and have something special with are very few and far between. Even if you do meet another woman like you have now, circumstances can pull you apart.

And what do you really gain, if you think about it? So you've screwed a few more women. Big deal! Everyone does that, most people DON'T find someone that they love more every year they are together.

Dudes... whow...

Call me prejudicial of forums, but these were not the answers I had expected from a pick-up forum...

Before posting I had almost made up my mind to take the plunge and go ahead with starting a new life.

I had kind of imagined that most would encourage me to take the dive and "dump the girl and go play the field".

However, it is now clear to me that you are good fellows, giving me sincere advice, and that is what I really asked for and what I do indeed want.

You guys all seem to understand my dilemma well...


- Absolutely I agree, this may very well be a cause of "nextopia" - never being satisfied, always craving for more.
But if that is how we humans are made, can we, and should we fight against our nature?

- That is so true, there are tremendous conflicting feelings in my head right now.

- Also very true.
Well, I hadn't really thought about this until you mentioned it. But thanks a lot for adding those doubts in my head.
Just kidding!
What I fear is never being rid of the small but ever nagging wonder inside of me, silently questioning what my life could have been like if I followed my original life-plan.
The thing is... that I almost -know- already, that I will regret it down the road if I leave this pure-hearted girl. That sometime, maybe months or even many years from now, I will look back and realize that what I had was the really deal, with genuine happiness and pure love.

Yet the odd thing is, even in spite of me already being aware of this, I still feel it may be something I have to do nonetheless. Now isn't that the dumbest thing...

The story of Buddha is well to the point.
I am probably most happy where I am right now.
But maybe like Buddha, I still have to take the longer journey, if only to quiet the nagging little "what would have happened"-curiosity within me.

Trouble is, that even if I, which is probable, come to the conclusion that what I had was indeed the best, I may not be so blessed to ever find such a special relationship again.
In this case I risk a life of sad bitterness and regret.

Jeez what a mind-twister this is!

I hear you guys when you say I should cherish what I have. An on the logical plane I totally agree.
But some unrest within me, is urging me on.

I think, like zendeloo suggested, the first thing I should do is to have a talk with her about what's on my mind and how I feel.
Then we'll see if things gets any clearer after that.
Naturally, it is not overly tempting to have this talk with her, but it has to be done of course.

Thank you so very much for your support and understanding, guys.

If you have more input, it is also very welcome...

Talking with her about it is the first step pursueing happiness & statisfaction!


I wish you all the luck in the world brother,

zendelo

Bang on!

I think the other posters have given great advice, at the end of the day only you can decide of course. I have been a similar situation for the past year or so silently trying to make this decision (ive been with her for 6 yrs though which is quite a bit less than your 10yrs). The thing is, i COULD stay with her and the sex would be great, we would love and care for each other, she supports my financial goals etc. We have a lot of fun together. But for me, that nagging little 'what if' was strong enough for me to make the decision to leave her. It is the hardest thing Ive ever had to do to date, but I feel I owe it to myself to explore further before settling down.

Something you should also consider is that, if after 10yrs if you are still that passionate about this girl, the sex is great, and you are intellectually compatible etc you must have something strong and potentially sustainable (which is special), so do think twice before letting what COULD just be your ego, effect your decision. Another way to look at things is to go on a break and see what life is like without her, this may help you make that final decision. And if you 2 really are that inseparable you'll end up getting back together anyway.

I think talking with her is probably the best thing you can do.

If she loves you, she'll understand.

Love. What an old-fashioned concept it seems in the midst of all the pick-up hype. Honestly, though, it's way underrated. So don't give it up so easily.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.