I separated with my wife 6 months ago. We were together for 8 years total which is a pretty long time. I have dreams about her and our past life together regularly. Hopefully, they will occur less frequently as time goes on but I'm concerned that they will always haunt me to some degree. Further, say I have a few more serious relationships in the coming years. This could get worse as my mind could become filled with haunting memories of multiple ex’s. The long-term effects of pick-up scare me in this respect (as opposed to staying in one exclusive relationship for your whole life). I'm interested to hear everyone's thoughts on this, particularly if you have had several long-term relationships.

this will stop occurring once you've replaced the missing holes in your life created by your break up.

I just got over a 7 year relationship... Loved the girl, but had to move and things fell apart.


#1 rule. If you don't talk anymore, but think/dream about her all the time - You have to stop. Go use and polish your game. Also, sit down, and make a list of all the stuff you didn't like about her. Personality, Appearance, EVERYTHING... Open that list and read it every day.

If you are this worried about ex's haunting you, don't start relationships with the girls you pick up. There are ways around this





-ub

the fat ones yes

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New to The game

Coming out of a 4 year LTR was what got me into PU in the first place. At first I did think about her. On those nights when I'd come home alone after another 4-5 hours of blow outs, rejections, AA and fluffed openers, I'd honestly wondered whether I should have just stayed with her, rather than subjecting myself to such torture. Maybe it would have been easier to just settle for an HB5-6, stay an AFC, marry her, and never have to worry or think about "game" again.

But then you get those first great reactions. You can't believe what's happening, but a group of girls you'd only DREAM of, who you'd never in a million years think would even LOOK at you, are suddenly giggling, blushing, touching you, giving you that wide-eyed "omg who IS this guy" look. Suddenly it doesn't even matter if you close. You can't believe you're having this kind of effect on such HOT women, the power, the energy you feel. You know you can't ever go back.

As soon as that first learning curve was over, and I started getting results, even if it was just n-closes, I stopped questioning myself, and I knew I was on the right track. Going out and gaming, getting numbers, planning day-2s, working on escalating, getting k-closes, etc. takes a significant amount of planning and doing, and it fills your mind with excitement and drive.

Right now I'm focused on fitting in some more HBs into my MLTR rotation, while keeping some other HBs on the back burner and seeing how that plays out. I'm still going out 3-4 times a week and doing standard cold approaches, social circle/entourage game, warm approaching, and of course studying for law school! Do I even have TIME to think about some relationship, however long, that ended ages ago? NO WAY!

Keep yourself busy, focus on your gaming, your hobbies, your work, your friends. Take the mistakes and successes from your past relationships and by all means learn from them. But don't let those memories hold you back from moving forwards and living your life to the fullest.

. . . But you're the one who is filling your own mind with this crap right now. Figuring out what you'd like to eat for dinner is a better use of your brain power. Deciding to wipe one more time after you shit is a more fulfilling use of your brain power. Worrying about worrying about former memories about ANYTHING is just ....#$&*#??

And let's just drop the violin man. "Haunt"?? . . . come on. A hairy ass on a chick is "haunting". A vagina that stinks from across the room is "haunting". Shoving your hand down on girl to feel a floral bed of genital warts is haunting. So unless your ex was afflicted with at least one of the above conditions, let's just drop the melodrama. How about calling these memories, "bothersome"?

I take my hat off, and clap ,my hands (does that makes sense, coz I would probably ruin the hat in my hands then, whatever.. GREAT POST!)

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"StreetLight!! Stop seeing every problem in life like it's a chick you didn't hit on!"

Brush up your skills and game a better girl thdn your ex .

and by that id say she not only must have the looks , but the emotional calibre and awesomeness that would whoop your ex's ass .\\

that will make your dreams go away .

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Sympathy For the Devil .

"Deciding to wipe one more time after you shit is a more fulfilling use of your brain power"

ahahahahahahahaha!

When referring to my last relationship, I'm not talking about a girlfriend. I'm talking about a wife, a marriage, something that I made a lifelong commitment to. I am Catholic and believe that a marriage is a relationship between a husband, a wife, and God. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and sadness that it did not work out and I don't think I'm being melodramatic. Also, it's not just my wife that I miss. I miss her family, her friends, and the life that we built together over eight years which just fell apart.

I think you will always have memories and think about it once in a while.. But they will be much less with the time

It's been a long period so much memories I guess?

The concept of forgetting your ex's to me has never made sense. These people had a big significance in your life so why should you want to forget that. The difficult part is focusing on all the good memories and using that to push you forward. Your goal now is to find someone better. Use everything you learnt from your past relationships to accomplish that. So long as you learn from everything that you've been through it's an experience worth having.

dJ vIrAl

Still selling the violin and still not buying it. If you want to feel so guilty and sad, go out and kick a few puppies. That ought to give you plenty of "guilty and sad" material for at least a few days.

Meditate on this carefully . . . Read your posts and read your thoughts. While what you went through isn't all that great, consider your emotional reaction. While everybody reacts differently, you have the propensity to drive your negative emotions. "Guilt - sadness - miss - miss - fell apart . . . " - read this.

Another person might have asked, "Blah, blah, blah, (this is the crap I went through) Now, how do I begin kicking ass with this game!?!?"

Still, others might have posted, "Blah, blah, blah. What do you think? Yeah, I'm not feeling too good now but do I have a chance with this game?"

What did you do instead? "I am haunted. I am haunted. Aren't ANY OF YOU haunted as well?" (Meaning . . . I know I am a sappy negative dud. I can't possibly be the only one? Do you feel me?) My answer is NO . . . I don't.

Instead hopping from place to place looking for others to "agree with you" and looking for ways to JUSTIFY your emotions, try this . . . JUST STOP. There are absolutely no reasons for any of this. You could in fact just go make yourself a p&b sandwich, check out the local personal ads and circle the girls you'd like to fuck while you chew down that peanutty goodness. You could get up and do a few jumping jacks, push ups, and pretend you're Rocky. There is NOTHING stopping you from just feeling like a normal, goofy guy other than your very own desire to feel "guilty and sad". You are more powerful than you think. You are not the lame object of events that drive your emotions and well being; you are the creator of events . . .

Unless you come to this realization, you will create further CREATE "real life justifications" to continue feeling "sad and guilty".

Lots of luck.

I got out of a five year relationship where we definitely put a lot of work in it and I definitely was attached to her family and friends as well.

However, there is a reason you got out of it - You said yourself how important marriage and commitment is to you. Remember that reason. When you're acting nostalgic, don't forget you both made that decision for a reason that was divisive enough to let you both know it wouldn't work out. You can't waste your life on one person because you both appreciate commitment more than your own happiness.

Yeah, you might still dream about her. I think I had more dreams about my ex immediately after we broke it off than I did when I was with her but it happens. Start filling your life with other possibilities and realize that the opportunity for you to be happy exists.

Back to her family and friends; you have your own, she has her own. Leave it that way for the time being and maybe you two can be friends again later - but wait...a LONG time.

It's pretty normal to have memories after a really long term relationship.

Don't worry about supressing them, but don't let them take over your life either.

JS