| So back in January I was going through a rough breakup with the first woman to actually feel like a real relationship. My friend Emily was there and I kind of broke down in front of her. She ended up driving me back to her place, and I slept in her guest room... as I was laying down she asked me some question I don't remember, but the answer was that I had some feelings for her that were unresolved. We had dated briefly last fall, but she had been seeing another guy much longer that had not yet asked for a committed relationship. He stepped up a week into our thing, right after we had tried to sleep together for the first time, and she dumped me.
The next day I apologized and thanked her for being there, and she said it was ok but we'd better not spend time together anymore outside of our group of friends.
In March she calls me up wanting to get drinks, and start hanging out again... turns out she had just dumped her boyfriend. A couple weeks later we're out drinking with some friends, and we end up alone in a bar, then go back to her place just to have a quick nightcap. She suggests sleeping together so we don't have to be lonely while going through our breakups. I figure sure, why not... of course, she knows how much more vulnerable I am than she probably was since I was going through my first real breakup and so inexperienced with relationships.
So pretty much since then we were sleeping together, until a couple weeks ago.
Here's the thing, as she got over the ex (and started being comfortable hanging out with him frequently) she started backing off of sleeping with me. First she was just a little reluctant, having gone from asking me over frequently to just waiting for me to ask, to trying to back out by wanting to go to bed soon... there were a few days where I backed off a bit, then I got dumped by another girl I'd been dating so called up my FWB for some comfort. We have dinner together and hang out for a few hours, but she denies me coming over to her place. So apparently it's ok to sleep together when SHE'S hurting, but not when I am.
I ask her if our arrangement is over, and she says she would tell me if it was but I don't ask for the next week or so and neither does she.
The other day we were hanging out with some friends, and she starts talking about going back to her place to watch a movie to one of the girls there. As we're leaving she asks me and says it was open to everyone (but doesn't mention that to the other two people who were there) so I tell her I'd think about it. We all go home to clean up, and I take a nap only to get a text from the other girl wondering if I'm showing up and telling me they are about to start the movie! Apparently Emily had to change the time, and didn't tell me. At this point I'm interpreting this as just not wanting me there.
So last night, I get a text from her asking what I was doing that night... I was actually planning on asking her out for a "bon voyage" drink for a trip she's taking soon, and I tell her so. Then she tells me she needs to go car shopping because her car died, and is hoping I can drive her around. I figure sure why not, maybe I can judge her mood and talk to her about the situation. Afterwards we go out for dinner, and after THAT she invites me back to her place at 10pm to watch a movie. Halfway there, she tells me "oh but I don't think you should sleep over."
So that's how she chose to finally end it, AFTER asking me for a big favor and giving me the impression things were cool with us AND right after getting my hopes up by inviting me back so late. Betting she just invited me to see the movie knowing she had upset me the other day, and afterwards realized what inviting me over so late meant. (The first night she invited me over at 9:30 I wasn't sure if it meant I'd be staying and she told me "don't you think that's what it means if a girl asks you over this late?")
But you know what, that's not the part that bothers me... it's that there seems to be a pattern.
In August she was uncertain how things were going with the guy she was seeing, so she started hooking up with me
Once he stepped up and asked for the relationship she dumped me
In January I needed comfort and she cut contact (I don't even mean the physical stuff, just having her to hang out with and talk to was good.)
In March she needed comfort and calls me up, offering sex knowing I'm hurting, lonely, and a virgin who would probably jump at any opportunity
In May she no longer needs comfort and starts withdrawing both physical AND platonic contact
Then she needs a ride, so she calls me up again
Only to tell me to get lost the moment she got what she wanted
Should I be feeling used here? Because I am.
Maybe I'm just still hurting over the loss now, but I figured I'd pose the question.
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CHAT
