Hey guys, been reading these forums for a while now and making my first post. Quite lost on this situation, was hoping to get your input on it.

Theres this girl I've been seeing who's great, but is giving me mixed signals. The catch is, shes got a boyfriend.

Shes been fighting with him for a long time, both are incredibly miserable and yet are stuck because they feel its a shame to let go after being together for three years. It's also her first so that could be another factor in which why shes still willing to be with him. The other night we have dinner together, boyfriend finds out, keeps calling her, she doesnt pick up, and ends with him sending her a text to say its over etc. Problem is this is quite common and is possibly an empty threat as they've "broken up" many times only to get back together again.

So following this I tell her I have a thing for her, and ask her how she feels about me. She tells me shes unsure because of the timing, and its not as if she can just break up with someone and be with me. She then adds but she does wants to work things out with him. I tell her alright, and didn't contact her for a few days thinking it was time to let go because shes just far too lost and confused.

A few days later she calls me to talk, i tell her i have to leave soon because a few friends are coming over. We talk for a while and she brings up what happened the other day. In a nutshell I tell her I know what shes decided to do, but she never answered what she felt for me. She asks me how long, why, other crap about why I like her. She tells me she didn't think I was for real (thought i was a player) and that shes just in a complicated situation (with her bf) So i ask her, if the bf wasnt a factor how would things play out, and she implies that she would be with me (plausible deniability) All this time I tell her that theyre good (she keeps saying the negatives far outweigh the positive, and she just cant break up with him) and it woulda been a dick move to take her from him anyway. I tell her that now im not sure whether I want her or not because I didnt have the time to deal with the drama.

The phone call had to end there and things are left unfinished between us. My question is whats the right thing to do? I've made it clear that I dont want to be her rebound, and that im not willing to wait. All the while she keeps talking to me and keeping me interested, even though I feel like Im being strung along.

Whats the right move here guys? Keep this going and see where it ends up? Is there even a chance or is she just stringing me along? or just fuck it?

Female input would be greatly appreciated too.
Apologies for the long post, but thanks for your time guys.

I dont think shes stringing you along mate, I just think she wants the best of both worlds. And you sound like a guy with self respect, otherwise you wouldnt be on here asking what to do, so I would pack it in. End of the day, shes not going to break up with her boyfriend, and if she did it sounds like there will always be something going on in the background with those two. Could you trust her?

My advice would be to walk away before you get in too deep. I know thats gonna be hard but I honestly believe that would be the right thing to do. If she was really that unhappy with her boyfriend, she would break up with him. She's unintentionally using you as a subsitute for the fun that has gone out of her relationship with her boyfriend. Talk to her by all means, but be firm and say if she wants to be with you, fellas got to go. I sincerly doubt she'll agree. Find someone else mate.

Good luck bro!

N Platinum x

Yeah I believe I could trust her. Its partially due to her inexperience, him being her first and all, but shes genuinely miserable. Guy threatens to punch her and all, and it makes me wonder if I want to get into something with a girl thats okay with being treated like that. I guess she just doesn't know what to do about the situation. However, I don't want to do anything to influence it (suggest her to break up, talk shit about the guy) because then it wouldn't really be her choice, and I guess thats ultimately what I want it to be.

I do agree with you NPlatinum, she is wanting the best of two worlds and using me to compensate what that guys missing, albeit unintentionally. Problem is if I keep talking to her, that gets me in too deep emotionally cause theres always this feeling of hope. The alternative then is just to walk away from it and stop speaking to her for a bit (a freeze out?) to see if shes willing to come back. Its quite a shame though considering shes pretty great.

What do you guys reckon?

A gril that let herself be treated like that has very low self respect.
If the girl had any common sense she would break up the moment he threatens to punch her, probably even earlier.

You should ask yourself if you want a girl like that. You should lose the hope you have with this girl when you talk to her. Just so you can talk some common sense into this girl, instead of giving her even more confusion by you talking about liking her.

I don't have much experience with girls like that, because I usualy avoid that stuff. But I would work on talking some serious common sense into her.

Ask her about how she feels when she is with her bf, ask her how she felt when her bf threatend her, ask how she feels about the relationship in general. Ask her if she sees herself marrying this guy.
The conclusion will probably be that she does not feel comfortable about the relationship and does not see herself marrying him.
Then you'll just say that it's unacceptable when he threatends her.
Ask her if she agrees.
She will agree.
Now it would probably make prefect sense to break up with that guy.

It's important that you lead her into her own conclusion. If you don't it will be like her dad telling her to break up with this asshole. And then she will do anything BUT break up with this guy.

It could however not work, because she thinks your just saying all that because you want her as your gf. There is also a possebility that you end up in the 'friendzone'.
But if you are genuinely worried about this girl it should not matter.

I'm just wondering how her relationship is with her parents. I gues it's not that good.

Good luck bro!