I have some issues with sex that I'm working through. Essentially at any given point I can freak out a little, lose my erection and not be able to continue.

So the thing is, women kind of need to know this going in. It's clearly not a Day 1 conversation, but it is something I need to bring up before we hit the bedroom so that I can be more comfortable and have a better chance of performing.

What I'm wondering is if there's actually a way to make this a DHV?

Crazy, right?

Nah, not crazy at all. The mind and the penis can be strange, confusing, unpredictable organisms. But it sounds like you're working on your issues, and that's good. Hang in there, and you'll get where you want to be.

My specific answer to you would depend somewhat on whether you have this happen even in long-term relationships, or just when you're first starting to sleep with a woman. Either way, though, I think you're right to discuss the situation before taking things to the bedroom. I would suggest making sure you've built up a good connection with the woman and that she's not someone looking for just a quick lay -- unless, of course, you're cool with the possibility that she might bolt if she doesn't like what she's hearing or getting. But if the woman *does* appreciate you for who you are, I'm sure she'll be more than willing to be patient. In terms of what to tell her, you could say that you get nervous in the beginning or that, because you like her, you feel vulnerable and scared. And if you already have some sense for yourself of what sorts of things trigger your freak-outs, maybe you can steer her in the direction of circumstances you're comfortable with. In any case, I wouldn't get too hung up on the thought of trying to DHV yourself. Try to put a positive or empathy-yielding spin on the situation, yes. But just be honest, focus on having fun, and work to create a strong connection and good intimacy between the two of you. And that comfort will likely go a long way toward making you yourself feel positive, not only in the situation in general but also in the bedroom in particular.

Good luck.

Peace,
Ciornia

I've never been in a long-term relationship, and I only actually managed sex for the first time a few weeks ago with a FWB. So I really can't answer that...
Well, basically this is coming up because I've been intermittently seeing a girl... intermittently because she's been busy/out of town a lot and at one point while chatting online she told me she doesn't feel attracted to me, but (paraphrasing) feels like she should be and wants to continue dating. Then a few nights later we were chatting, and she told me a fairly big secret of hers... I figured this was as good a time as any to reciprocate with my own issue, but even told her it was hard because she was already not attracted to me.

So it made me really wonder if there were a way to present it that would increase attraction, rather than automatically be a barrier.