Hi Guys,

I am just wondering what is the appropriate amount of time for a freeze-out without losing? I have a friend who is seeign this guy who is acting like he is always too busy for her and I suggested maybe doing a freeze-out. She doesnt want to loose him - just wants to show him how life is without her.

Any ideas?

Cheers

Tbh, if someone acted like they were too busy for me I'd freeze them out permanently unless they redeemed themselves. I don't have time for that crap. I'd simply cut contact and wait for them to realise they missed me and come running back - and if they didn't, well, it's no great loss because they obviously weren't into me enough.

I agree with you Sambuca and that's how I'd play it too but my friend really doesnt want to loose him and they have been hanging out for a while and he usually acts heaps into her. He is really stressed with work and college work but i dont think its right he takes it out on her. She doesnt even want to do the freeze out! She wants to keep talking to him in the hope that by being around, he will want her back. I dont agree. Is there anything else I can tell her to do before she completely ruins any chance of this going anywhere?

If she carries on always being around, he will carry on taking her for granted. There's no incentive for him to change if he can continue treating her like crap and she still hangs around.

I guess she could try just being a bit less available; she doesn't have to cut contact completely, just reduce it drastically. Don't answer some of his phonecalls, take a while to respond to message, don't accept last minute dates, etc. If he loses interest even more because she's not around, well, he wasn't that interested anyway if he doesn't care about losing her.

I think you should talk to your friend about her self esteem though. Why would you not want to lose someone who doesn't pay you attention? Love is a two way thing; not only does she have to love him, but he has to love her back, and she has to have the self respect not to allow him to mess her around if he doesn't love her back.

a freeze out would only work if the guy would notice.

it really depends on how much they are in contact, for example if they text every day without fail , a few days may be enough..... however it may need to be much longer.

the amount of time your aiming for is enough time for the person to miss the other, plus a little bit longer