Hey Guys

Would appreciate your perspective on my situation with my ex-girlfriend.

I met this girl during my first brief exposure to game. I got her phone number after an indirect approach and we got on really well when we met up. It was very easy to hang out with her. I never worried about how I came across, what I was saying or doing. She always ended up laughing and smiling and I always felt happy.

We started to date exclusively which is what I wanted because she was getting into my heart and I wanted her to myself. She was the first woman in a long time that pulled on my heart-strings.

After a while, she became the woman I could see myself with for the rest of my life. First time that ever happened as well.

It went really well for the first year. We would meet on weekends (She lived in London and I live outside it) and do lots together.

However, in the last few months she seemed to change. She would get into random moods (and not just at that time of the month when she was on her period). Consistently she would try to start fights with me, be strange, be non-responsive, be difficult and just not be herself. Most of the time I simply ignored these moods. I thought endlessly asking her what was wrong was a lame thing to do, so I didn't. If she didn't want to tell me I didn't want to spend hours banging on about "what's wrong?"

At the same time she became very materialistic. She would demand I get the most expensive things for her birthday/christmas, etc....

I let her know that I couldn't afford those things (I genuinely couldn't as i don't make that much) and I didn't understand why they were suddenly so important to her, when what I had got her before (showing lots of thought and showing that I had listened to her) seemed to go down really well.

After about 5-6 months of this, I got sick of it and ended the relationship. I was no longer happy.

My ex since then, tried several times to get back together with me saying that she loved me. She blamed her mood on the intensity of her nursing studies and she thought she could take the stresses out on me. I told her I wasn't a punching bag and no man would accept being treated like crap with no explanation or apology for half a year!

She said she was also sorry for becoming more materialistic. She said she didn't need anything from me other than me and not any stuff I could get her. She said she would be happy with whatever I got her and not how much it cost.

I spent the past 3 months trying to get on with my life. I have done approaches, re-introduced myself to game and gone on some d2's with girls. I have got some k-closes and even 2 f-closes. Although I am a hardly a PUA yet, just a rookie who has had some minor successes on the path so far.

My ex and I have stayed in semi-regular touch. Whenever I have seen her, I have felt rather strange. We still get on amazingly well. It is as easy to hang out with her as I remember, from the good times. We don't fight or argue anymore and I am still sexually attracted to her.

The thing is I am not sure what I want. I am not sure whether it is her that I miss or the fact that I felt so loved and peaceful for that first year of the relationship. Maybe I just want that feeling back and so I can think hopping back to her is the quickest way to get that back.

Anyway, I don't want to mistreat her or try to get back into a relationship with my ex without being sure.

I would appreciate any tips or insights you guys had on how to sort out my thinking process on this.

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"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)

I have a friend who generally advises me on this sort of thing.

So I will tell you the same thing that he told me.

I had a similar situation (about a year relationship) PERFECT for a while.. However, the last 4 or 5 months of which were filled with stress, and girl initiated fights and arguments about things that didn't make sense, or exist. She constantly would have HUGE episodes about my sexual history which was slightly more extensive than hers.. which doesn't make sense, she was constantly trying to CHANGE my past. and would just get upset and cry when she realized this was impossible (I really wasn't that bad)... After these episodes (which could have also been about toilet seats, bad drivers, wal-mart, or other pointless things) she would always apologize, and promise it would never happen again.. It always did.. So even when things were great, I still felt stressed, and was just bracing myself for the next time she would freak out.. I was no longer happy.


My friend would tell me.. From the information, It seems as if you are not happy being with her. Generally if you have these feelings at all, you made the right choice in breaking up with her. Of course the two of you will still be compatible hanging out, because there is an extreme level of comfortability to your interactions. But if you got back together, there is about a 99% chance that the negative aspects of your relationship would creep back into play.

Logically, from your information, I would not get back together with her. History, and thousands and thousands of rock songs would tell you that relationship relapse would occur very quickly.. and just like a cold, you will be back into bed, with the dirty kleenexes of arguments, fights, and materialism.

This being said, the only person who has enough information to judge what to do, is YOU. This goes against all logic, but as we all know, relationships are NOT logical.

Consider, when you first became exclusive, you did not have to "justify" your reasoning for wanting to be exclusive, you just became as such because you both wanted to. In the same way, you basically need to take in all of the evidence, and basically see how you feel. And do THAT.

Logic is pointing to NO for sure though.

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As a PUA, you must leave the girl better off than when you found her

Thanks Man.

Yeah what you have said made total sense to me.

I have hung out with her a few times and she seems to be back to that woman who I fell in love with initially. The materialism and starting arguments has gone.

I took that as maybe I should have hung out those last few months while she was stressed out then she would have been back to normal. But I know that I was already miserable and waiting a few more months would have made me depressed.

Maybe it is just nostalgia creeping in. After all she was the first woman I met where I felt totally relaxed and really ME around her. Plus I miss the emotional connection of someone loving me and wanting to be there for me. So maybe just nostalgia during a period where I am just learning social interactions slowly, got a few k-closes and a temporary f-buddy.

My brain thinks "why exhaust all this energy trying to meet a good woman, when you met one already, who despite her faults who you really loved and really loved you."

I am simply trying to keep her as a friend. This is for the best deep down, I know that.

Maybe some day when she dates again or settles down with someone, I will have to cut off contact if it's too awkward for me to see her with someone else. We'll see.

But by the end of this year I hope to be good with women and have other female friends, dates and options to keep moving forward.

So hopefully should that day come when I don't talk to her anymore, I will have a better foundation for my life, so her presence isn't missed as much.

Thanks again man.

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"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)

Thats a tuff call to make. I know from experience and talking to a lot of guys that this happens all the time. Meaning that after a great year together right around the one year mark the girl starts to go crazy whether it be mood swings or non stop shit testing. I think it has something to do with a woman's deep down programming where she had to make sure you are the one and that you really are a man she can be with for the long haul. This happened to me a few years ago and I wound up ending the relationship because of it. Good luck with whatever path you choose.

~Carmo~

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~Carmo~

Thanks Carmo!

Right now I am trying to keep her as a friend. However, I swear she is trying to make me jealous now with some of the subtle language in her texts. I don't rise to it because I don't want her to feel she like she has any power over me.

It is a tough situation. I think I can look back and be very nostalgic for that good first year. I felt like she wasn't doing petty games which is what I liked about her and she was an honest woman. Then in the last 5 months she just gave me endless shit-tests like you said and started lying to me about things.

I didn't want to hang around, when I knew I was a young, attractive guy who has a lot to offer. I didn't need to take her garbage.

There still is some "feeling" for her which I am trying to identify and understand. Right now, I don't think it would be a good idea to get back together. We'll see what happens.

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"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)

One thing that I have learned since studying game is that women are extremely difficult to understand and trying to figure out their actions using logic is a futile task that will only leave you frustrated. There is no telling why a woman acts the way she does. With my last girlfriend as bad as her behavior was it was nothing if not predictable. Any time things would go really really well she would purposely try to sabotage it. It was to the point that after spending a great weekend together I would expect some sort of bad behavior from her. I also learned that most girls use something called the PNP (Positive-Negative-Positive) process to keep guys on the hook. After learning that a lot of behaviors made sense. Basically this is the hot one minute then cold and bitch the next. It’s not as frustrating if you can understand it at a deep level.

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~Carmo~

Thanks Carmo!

Maybe she is just being positive right now like you suggest with your illogical positive-negative-postive model.

Or maybe I am just remembering the positive aspects of the relationship more than the negative.

Like I think I already said, I just wonder is it worth trying to learn all this game to get a girl I have to work hard at attracting and keeping, when I had a woman who for the most part and for at least that year accepted me for who I am. She seems to be doing the same again now, so I'm struggling with whether her whole endless shit-tests and treating me like crap was literally just a phase brought on by overwork and stress. Or whether it would always be like this between me and her in a romantic context.

To make matters slightly worse, she may be moving to my town now as she has gotten 2 job offers here and she is more than likely going to take 1 of them. When she does start dating again and the possibility of bumping into her in my town (which isn't that big) is high. Right now I don't know how i feel at the idea of seeing her walking around with another guy hand in hand laughing and kissing.

Yeah, I'm confused for the minute. Maybe I only started grieving over the relationship now because I didn't really do too much of it earlier.

It's obviously cool the successes I have got so far on this journey, although they have been smaller victories for the most part. I still wonder what will be at the end of this journey for me because to hear more experienced guys talk about it, it still feels a far way off yet.

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"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)

Tom,
Like I said before I think you really need to think hard about what it is that you really want. It’s easy for me to say that but I understand it is very difficult to actually figure it out. I dated a girl for 2 years before learning any game and it was a great relationship. I didn’t know anything about shit tests or female psychology and it all worked out for the most part because she was a very emotionally sound good girl. My next girlfriend was a freak that cheated on me which was the reason why I got into game. If you decide not to get back with her than you are really going to have to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for seeing her having a great time with other guys. I have learned from experience that I thought my inner game was tight and that I was ok with seeing an ex with other guys but I wasn’t so that is a process that you will most likely have to really work on.

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~Carmo~

Thanks Carmo. Seems like you know your stuff from experience.

What happened with your sound emotional girl of 2 years, if you don't mind my asking?

I know it won't be easy for me when she does start dating again. She isn't the kind of girl that gets drunk and goes to a club or does casual relationships or casual sex. So I know when she does date again, it's because she feels it is something special. It probably would be a lot easier if she was the other kind of girl.

I am trying to figure out what I want. As I'm sure you probably realize there are many thoughts in my head. I don't want to hang on to her for frivolous reasons. There are bigger lifestyle choices that separate us (although she pleads that they aren't that important to her). Things like kids, marriage, our attituides towards our old sex life etc.........

I am not planning on staying in my town for more than a year now anyway. I do plan to move to London. If that happens I wouldn't have to worry about bumping into her if she does move. But if I don't move, yeah it would be difficult.

Thanks for your input Carmo. I appreciate it.

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"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)

Glad I could offer some help and hope it works out for you with whatever you choose.

Nothing bad happened, we just kind of drifted apart emotionally. We work at the same company and got transferred into the same division which didn’t help things but now I know not to dip the pen in the company ink so to speak. I am actually going to be hanging out with her tonight for the first time since we split a long time ago.

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~Carmo~

Hey Everyone

Thanks for all the advice. In the end I decided not to get back together with her. It basically boiled down to some stuff that happened a few weeks ago.

I hung out with her and it seemed fine as friends to be hanging out. I was enjoying myself and it was a laugh. However, she then texted me the next weekend a random text, which she clearly meant for someone else:

"Hi. See you in an hour. x"

People do send texts to the wrong numbers. I have done it and I have had it happened to me. Of course, the normal thing is that when it is pointed out, the original sender apologizes and asks how their friend's day is going.

My girlfriend never replied after I texted her back "Huh?"

Of course, now it's pretty obvious she was trying to get me jealous at the idea of her hanging out with a man on a date. I realized it genuinely doesn't bother me. I would have liked to have been able to got her back one day as a fuck-buddy. I genuinely don't care now. She's someone else's problem and I'm glad I no longer have this problem in my life anymore.

Also some stuff on my approaches started to come together. I have gotten better at day game and got some number closes, which evolved in to dates and 2 open relationships with 2 girls. So I have been surprising myself and having fun with women I am attracted to. I have also made new female friends.

So I feel like this PUA journey is worth it and that I am much happier doing this stuff, regardless of the painful learning curves. I am much happier living as a PUA, than trying to be that woman's exclusive boyfriend ever again.

Thanks guys for all the help during my time of confusion.

Just wanted to let you know how it turned out.

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"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)