Hi, i'm Marco (19 years old), at college and this is my story & questions:

Sooo.. I was partying and was pretty drunk, and some girl (HB9 but 10 in my eyes) i knew since a few years (we've been just friends & went to same school before we went to college) came to me. She was sober but wanted to drink so we went to a nightshop, bought some booze and sat somewhere in the hall of an appartment alone. We had good conversation and when she started to feel the wine she began talking about her boyfriend, they broke up a few weeks ago (she was in a long-lasting relationship but broke up often with him, but never for more than a few days). by the way she wasn't very very drunk.

She said she was really sick of him, wanted to get over him. After that she tells me she had a crush on me for a while and was unhappy because she thought i didn't had a crush on her, also that she and her friends think i'm good looking, etc etc. she moved towards me the whole time, eventually she sat on my lap and she kissed me, i kissed back and that lasted for quite a while. We stayed there for hours, kissing and talking about this 'hidden love' and she even said this didn't had to last for 1 night but wanted to meet me again. Me, very drunk at that moment, agreed, and i started saying i actually felt something serious for her aswell and was acting kinda 'in-love' in my drunk state..

Next day i text whether she regrets the things she said and did or not. she answers she totally didn't regret anything but she wanted some time to think on her own because she just finished a relationship, but really wanted to see me again afterwards. I occasionally texted her after that, but not much.

Few days after, we chat on messenger for first time since we kissed. We agreed to meet the day after but she said on messenger that she didn't know what to say to 'a sober Marco(=me)' because i only saw her at parties (we always had a great time at parties but indeed i was most of the times drunk).

So next day we meet up. I immediatly knew there was something wrong, so wasn't able to have good conversations because i didn't wanna hear what i expected her to say. I wanted to kiss her, she didn't kissed back and wanted to talk, said she can't just break up with her ex and move to another guy like that. At that moment i was kinda heart-broken, first she said she loved me and she had no regrets of what happened, then she does this ? Felt like a loser, i told her 'what about me i still have feelings for you' but obviously that didn't work.. She wanted just to be friends & asked me not to be angry. But i wasn't, was just confused at start, then we left that place for a drink and just talked about stuff as friends do, not about what happened, so kinda conversations like when we were friends. We go home (apart), she said 'we can hang out tomorrow' and i said i would see and text.

When i came home, i texted her this:

"" Sorry if i was a bit boring at the beginning, but i knew from the first moment you didn't had the same feeling between us anymore as i had, and i didn't really knew how to react on that. But you're right, we should just stay friends, it's for the best! Hope you did had a good talk with a sober Marco afterwards ! And no, no hard feelings, i understand, but just keep 1 thing in mind: make your own decisions in love and normal life, listen to yourself in the first place and don't let other people decide what you should do or think (because her ex does this the whole time), i speak from my own experience. I'm sure you'll meet someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve! x goodnight HB10 "" This i wrote to make her think i'm over her instead of feeling sad, and to make her think that apparently i didn't really loved her THAT much and she just lost a proper guy. She replied: "" that's very sweet of you, you're a good guy! ""

Next day i texted her and asked if she was doing something this evening, but she didn't replied since that message above. (Should have ignored her first)




What did i do wrong ? Is this my fault or is there just something wrong with her ? I wanted to give her the distance she needed but I had the impression she lost all interest in me after we kissed (definetly not by the way i kissed, i even heard her make small orgasmic sounds lol). Is she not attracted to me anymore because she now knows i have a crush on her ? BECAUSE I STILL HAVE


WHAT I THINK I SHOULD DO:
Basically do like before, occasionally meeting up with her, but first let her explain why she told those stuff JUST IN ORDER TO GET OUR FRIENDSHIP FOR 100% FIXED. Also i should make clear once again i just want to be FRIENDS (& tell her i lost all attraction to her after the egocentric things she did), be less drunk when she's around and let her realise i'm also fun to hang out with when i'm sober. When we're back good friends & nothing more, she might miss the attraction there was & i can kiss her back WITHOUT ACTING 'IN-LOVE' but just being cool about it with no high expectations like before..... or should i do something totally different ?


THANKS a lot for reading this, whoever did, hope you can help me because i'm 19 years old, virgin, never had serious relationship just some short ones, and am sick of just playing and kissing unknown girls at parties once a while and i really wanna lose virginity and have a real relationship with a beautiful & fun girl like this.

It started off so well, until you got to the point at which you started talking about all the feelings you two had for eachother. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of a long time, and had an emotional void left from his absence. She was overly emotional and moving too quickly because she was a bit intoxicated and was supplanting her ex with you. By moving too quickly in one night you left her without being able to fantasize about what you two could have together because you gave yourself up so quickly. Think about it; she was still feeling the emotions of a year long commitment to her boyfriend and you told her you had the same feelings after only a night.

The next problem was with not knowing "sober marco". You escalated the emotions much faster than anything else, and she didn't feel like she actually knew you (invalidating the feelings she had previously because she rationalized them as being a product of her drunkenness). The next day I would have been first to say things escalated too quickly the night before, but that you two should get together as friends and get to know eachother.

You started seeming somewhat needy, and she could tell you had more invested in pursuing her than she had in you. After the party you apologized for everything, and that was some good advice you gave her but it didn't really get you too far. She appreciated it, but only to the extent that it was actually genuine. When you asked her out the next evening she then viewed the prior text as a more obvious ploy to get her to see you, and she didn't want to do anything with you. Rather than texting her the next day you should have waited a week or so (like you would if she was actually just someone you viewed as a friend) and then invited her to join you and some other friends to go do something.

My recommendation is moving on, find out what you've learned from this one and apply it in the future, but there will always be more women out there.

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Thanks a lot, I totally agree with the things you said, too bad this kiss happened unexpected and when i wasn't sober. But i just know that things would have worked out totally different if i was sober. I will move on, meet other girls, but at the same time i want to recover the feelings the HB10 had for me. I know I can, she'd been talking about me with friends, said she liked me (in more than a friends way) also when she was sober and that love-talk heavily escalated when she got drunk. But you know, a drunk (wo)man's words are a sober (wo)man's thoughts, I know she wasn't lying about all the things she said.

2 more questions though:

1. You think it's a good idea if i just tell her i had no idea why i had these feelings, it was a bad idea to have them because they'd only ruin our friendship and explain her all these feelings are now gone (& act happy and absolutely not heart-broken about it) ? So she might realise I didn't love her that much after all and once we get in a friend-zone again, work on our friendship and later move on to something more than that ?

2. Should i meet up with her asap to fix our friendship ? Because if i wait for her to text me first, she might just text me in a few weeks (because of the distance she needed) and all that time she will think i'm still having feelings for her. I want to make her think i'm over her, not that i'm in love with her. Today i thought of texting her something like "Well ? How come I'm not hearing you anymore, didn't we both agree we should stay friends?" and maybe meet her again for going to a party or something like that.

Marco

Hmmm, tricky situation... I know you want to get in contact with her asap just in case her ex gets back in there... The trouble is she will see this as being needy as hell... I also don't like that msg you sent her, trying to convince her logically not to let her ex manipulate her. She'll know exactly what you're doing here. Girls don't behave logically, plus you're being manipulative. Your best bet is not to pressure her at all... It'll be torture, but at best all you can do is show her you're a rock and will be there for her whatever happens. If she does break up with her ex it will his own un doing. That's all you can do.

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Hmmm, tricky situation... I know you want to get in contact with her asap just in case her ex gets back in there... The trouble is she will see this as being needy as hell... I also don't like that msg you sent her, trying to convince her logically not to let her ex manipulate her. She'll know exactly what you're doing here. Girls don't behave logically, plus you're being manipulative. Your best bet is not to pressure her at all... It'll be torture, but at best all you can do is show her you're a rock and will be there for her whatever happens. If she does break up with her ex it will his own un doing. That's all you can do.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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