So, last summer I dated this girl Emily for a couple weeks, seeing her almost every day. Turns out she was also seeing another guy (how the hell did she find the time?) and decided to go with him. My guess is she wasn't sure who she liked better, but he asked for the commitment and since we'd been dating for far less time she decided to go with him.

Anyway, in January I got dumped by another girl and Emily was there to comfort me while I basically got drunk, said a bunch of stupid crap and went off the deep end. I ended up sleeping at her place since she lived near the bar we were at, and while we were there she asked me some question I can't quite remember. My answer to it was basically that I never quite resolved my feelings for her...

The next day I apologize, and she says we're ok but we should probably only hang out with the group from now on. Bummer, but completely understandable.

Now, a couple weeks ago she wants to get together for a drink. I find out that she's dumped the other guy, and that she had basically made the decision back in January (right around the time I'd confessed to still having some feelings for her) but stayed with him partially because they had already paid for a hotel for Valentine's day. It's not that she doesn't like the guy, she's still pretty sad about the breakup herself, but she realized that long term they just weren't going to work.

Now, I know she's still upset about the other guy... but I can't help but feel that suddenly wanting to hang out together is a sign she's thinking about us dating again. I mean, it's not at all like we were serious before but we did have fun together and get along pretty well.

So how long should I wait before actively asking if she wants to date again? Or should I just pose it as something like "hey, now that we're both single I'm wondering if we should give it another shot. I know you're probably not ready right now, but let me know when you are."

so it sounds to me like you are on her string. i don't mean she is consciously using you. She seems to be somewhat unreliable. these patterns a lot of times tend to repeat. but i would say you should just kinda attempt to increase contact, hanging out etc. for a while

no reason everything has to be concrete
in fact, just after a relationship she'll probably be excited about a less serious, more casual thing

if it doesn't work, remember it's a disease. oneitis! haha

i don't like that phrasing... but it's a helpful way to get over that girl

it's only oneitis if she doesn't reciprocate

_________________
You can call me Layout

I personally wouldn't say "hey, now that we're both single I'm wondering if we should give it another shot. I know you're probably not ready right now, but let me know when you are." It makes you seem too eager and puts the ball in her court. You want her chasing you. Plus, she might not want a serious relationship which is what that sounds like.

It does seem like she's interested by asking you out for a drink, so go for it and play it by ear. Be funny and kino and see what happens at while you're out.

Keep us updated and good luck with it.

~Deebo

_________________
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Yeah, that makes sense... it's a little tough for me because I actually want (may need) the serious relationship. But she's not that hot and I'm not that into her at this point...

It's actually kind of funny, when she first dumped me people here accused me of oneitis over her... and now Layout did again. It's funny because both times she's been MY backup for a girl I actually have oneitis for.

Ok, so she made things clear last night. Well, between last night and this morning... she doesn't think we'd work out long term (and honestly I'm inclined to agree) but for now apparently sleepovers are on the menu.

So apparently I have a friend with benefits now!