That might sound silly, since most of us come here with a "handicap" in the form of low self confidence or other things.

This is a bit deeper though. Basically, I have trouble thinking of women in a sexual manner. Not as in an "oh he must be gay" way, because I am turned on by women and find them attractive. I just have trouble thinking sexually due to... well, the short version is that I was molested along with another little girl when I was 4. So not only was my own sexuality messed up, I also have a pretty strong feeling of guilt for what I was forced to do to that girl and for leaving her there helpless when I ran away. Logically, I was 4 and couldn't do shit... emotionally though, I have trouble looking at a woman I care about in a sexual manner.

Example: I once got a lapdance from this stripper, and it was by far the best lapdance I've ever had even to this day. Afterwards we talked, and we actually clicked really well. She did her next dance and offered me another lapdance, I asked her out instead and she said no... so I figured why not get another dance then? Only at that point I kinda cared about her, and failed to get aroused...

Fucked up, right?

So here's the thing, when gaming you're supposed to project sexuality and escalate it... right? Even if you don't intend to go straight home with a girl, the interaction needs to have that sexual component to keep from being put in the friend zone... which is where so damn many of my dates end up.

How can I do that, when I don't feel it instinctively like I should?



(I am working with a therapist on this issue, but even she thinks I really need to find someone and get into a good relationship to get past this issue... so I need a way around this problem.)

You need to fully adopt the belief that WOMEN REALLY LOVE SEX.

A 4 year old definitely does not love sex. That's just fucked up. In terms of a normal, healthy adult, however, sex is something that they actually desire.

Once you fully realize and begin to believe with all your heart that arousal and all forms of sexual activity between two consenting people brings them both a mutual feeling of great pleasure, you'll be over that sexual hangup and you'll be free.

It'll take some time, but start actively seeking evidence in your day to day life that support the "women really love sex" belief. You'll see it everywhere if you're looking for it. Write these pieces of evidence in a journal, or even here in this thread. Get your brain to focus on this evidence on a daily basis. If you get smacked in the face with seemingly hard evidence supporting the "women hate sex and would feel violated like a 4 year old getting molested," post it here and we can talk about it and find out what's really going on there. Don't actively look for THAT evidence, though.

Your therapist will disagree with my methods because of her ASD. Ignore her advice. A female therapist shouldn't even have male clients, IMO.

Her advice to you about getting into a healthy relationship does have some merit, but it's only going to affect your perception of reality in a small way because you'll be exposed only to anecdotal evidence to beliefs that are only loosely related to the "women love sex" belief. Too much work, not enough benefit.

ASD?

I do, but we're focused on resolving the issue... not getting dates. Figured I could bug you guys for that part _without_ paying an hourly fee!


I guess I feel like projecting that sexuality is a big part of what makes them attracted? As opposed to just thinking of you as a friend...
Is there a link somewhere to this A1-3 stuff? I know about DHV (not sure I'm any good at it though) and comfort building (again, I think I need work here...) but not sure what A1-3 is?