hey

lately im going out all natural and somehow it doesn't satisfy me , somehow i don't care if i get rejected or not. i have the feeling going out at nighttime is not my thing but i have succes now and then and i have good game.
but when i have a bad night, it magnifies my feeling ,; this is not who i am - i prefer normal in depth conversations with people, most people at venues are not the in depth kinda type.

i have the feeling the world is my place i even visit unfamiliar venues on my own and wherever i go i feel like im at home, But the people surrounding look alien to me, like they are out of my league - i try not to judge anybody and i have almost no approach anxiety but i don't feel the urge or pleasure to talk to them.
here and now i have a good convo but it's very rare.

it seems like my state is now a natural state of being , like i can't get more state - however my goal is way different. a new girlfriend is cool, new friends are always welcome good additions to my life but again it;s not my goal.
my goal it seems .. is getting into higher state to eliminate my mind , to get outside my own mind and this is becoming a addiciton. Because of this reason i don't relate myself with people when going out , they think im this cool guy or something but i don't give a shit actually.

i like daygame more , less coke whores and people are not influenced by alcohol and shit. You have less flakes and above all i have the unconcious thought i don't want to meet my new GF in a club like i had previously. Girls i would like are girls who have a thing for themselfs and have a passion for life - badly enough those people you meet at night are not the most valued people. people you meet at daytime are often different sets of people with higher value, of course there are people with high value in high value lounges and clubs but we don't have venues like that in town.

BUt when i go daygame i feel my state go up , maybe because im confirming my needs in gaming/ having fun. Actually day game gives me more approach anxiety instead of nightgame because at nightgame you can say whatever shit you want and at daygame i meet people that have high standards on demand as well so i can say less shit. Because i can say less shit i feel like my ego isn't getting stimulated, after i gone a night out i feel like my ego has grown and i moved further away from myself. the feeling i have after going a night out is like i don't give a fuck , i don't know this either good or bad because i know who i am and i don't even need to not give a fuck ya know. at night i have all these(in most cases) social conditioned people around me who have no clue what they are doing in life and don't want to play along their frame of reality because i believe im on a different plateau.

if you hang on a cliff and george bush is standing their with a pocket full of fuck , and you ask can you give me a fuck ? he would say no i don't give a fuck. wel after a night out i have the feeling i would stomp on your hand before you even asked for a fuck. i really don't give a fuck.....
however after a night out i feel more socially calibrated but this worry me, should i be calibrated to people with lower standards? i believe your enviorment always influence you in some way , maybe 5 % or maybe 10 %... you got my point ?
calibrate to '' i don't give a fuck '' ? this is just a thought from the mind because you don't need to think '' i don't give a fuck '' when you fully yourself - fully your inner core essence.
weird manifestation and im still being aware of it and researching it, im going to to daygame from now on.

anyone experiencing the same ?

peace

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