| Alright lads,
Theres this HB9+ I live with in my flat at university. Before Christmas we had a thing going on, even though she had a boyfriend, and it was pretty cool. I wasn’t too attached, and I didn’t get jealous because I knew she would be coming back with me at the end of the night. We’d get drunk when we’re out and have a bit of fun and that. During the ‘none going out nights’ we’d watch films together and have a bit of a kiss and a cuddle. So basically, I knew she had a boyfriend (who is a complete tossbag by the way, proper thug) and I think she liked me and I definitely enjoyed hanging with her.
Then I got too attached. I started acting like a complete idiot when I was drunk, I’d get really jealous even if my mates so much as looked at her. I told her loads of times that we shouldn’t be friends because I was acting up over everything. Then I kept making up with her. Each time we had an argument or I told her I didn’t want to speak to her, she’d come home drunk saying she misses me or give me a little message on facebook saying the same thing. Then before Christmas, we got wasted and slept together. It was really awkward for a while but we kinda talked about it and everything was cool, we had the Christmas break and I came back feeling a bit better about everything, even though I missed her so much when I was away.
After Christmas everything stopped. All the hanging out watching films and that was finished, basically because I didn’t feel confident or comfortable around her anymore. I mean we went out a couple of times, got drunk and kissed on the dance floor, but we all know that means nothing. Then one night I went out and she showed up, and for some reason I was fuming about it. I told her I never wanted to speak to her again. It was kind of out of the blue, but I meant it as I knew she wasn’t any good for me. My mates had pointed out she was playing me and I was starting to come round. Basically my mate started mouthing off at me, trying to tell me to get it together, and I pushed him away. It was kind of a grip/push. Anyway it resulted in a massive argument outside the club with him and 3 or 4 of my so called ‘mates’ having a go at me. I slept on it and felt really embarrassed about what I’d done. Then the 3 lads who I was going to be sharing a house with next year came into my room and told me they didn’t want to live with me anymore. I was gutted. My best mate out of the 3, a lad who I live with now, had completely dumped me. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that I couldn’t live at university anymore so I decided to pack it in. Running away is what I do best, and have done so at every opportunity when the going gets tough.
I waited a week before making my decision, but decided that it was best if I left. It was this chicks birthday a few days before so I waited until the day (the hour actually) before my train home was due and I came into her room. I had got her a card and a bunch of flowers (to apologise for the way I had been acting as well as a happy birthday). I also wrote her a note in it, explaining that I couldn’t be around her anymore because I liked her too much and it was really hurting that I couldn’t be with her, and that I couldn’t be around these other lads as we’d had so much fun and it would never be the same again. I really thought that was the end. Dramatic like, but that’s how I felt.
So I left, and then after a week, I came back. I felt better, and I was determined to see the year out, even if my social life here would never quite be the same. Of course, I’m majorly embarrassed about writing my feelings down as if I was never going to see her again and then showing up a week later. But just now I found out that she’d told the whole flat what I’d written her, and one of my mates told me she wasn’t exactly being sincere about all of it.
So basically, I’ve made the school boy error of getting in too deep with a girl I’ll never have. I lost my friends because of it, and my entire experience at uni has been tainted. I haven’t really spoken to her since I’ve been back, at all really, but the feelings are still very much there. The way I’ve acted towards her, taking things out on her and generally being a tosser, I don’t blame her for not liking me anymore, but I’m kicking myself because I really believed that if I carried on the way I was going in Oct/Nov time I really stood a chance. But now I’m fuming that she told everyone. I’ve only just found out. I don’t think I’m going to say anything, because she obviously already thinks I’m a loser as it is.
I guess I just need some help with getting over her, I see her everyday and I hate the fact that I can’t go and talk to her or hang out with her. She’s absolutely beautiful. I never used to get like this; I used to run away if things got serious with a girl. But when my last girlfriend dumped me I took it really bad and ever since all I’ve wanted is a relationship. It’s tragic. And I suck at going out and gaming girls, so it’s not as if I can just go and fuck the pain away haha!
Sorry for the essay fellas, just any words of advice would be much appreciated.
Ta, NPlatinum x
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CHAT