Got a comment to my “break up” post the other day that kind of irked me.

“This article left my world shaking. Always thought PUAs wouldn’t suffer from oneitis any longer. Kinda strange reading this…”

Now, not to be hard on the poster, this is a common misconception within the community, and it personally drives me absolutely crazy. And that’s the confusion surrounding the idea of “one-itis,” and mistaking it for the same thing as feeling emotion for women.

First, let me define one-itis the best way I understand it. Then we can move forward from there. One-itis, is when a guy is afflicted with the belief that, “Woman X is the ONLY woman I can ever be happy with,” or “Woman X is the ONLY woman I’m meant to be with and we’re destined to be together one day,” or other beliefs in a similar vein.

These notions are pretty common amongst virgins with crushes on cute nerdy female friends, high school boys, and other emotionally stunted men.

One-itis beliefs OFTEN come up in the case of an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife who recently dumped or divorced us. Other times, it’s just some girl we’ve pined for forever and have been shot down from repeatedly.

The community teaches us that one-itis is awful, often because the men who hold these beliefs are the most pathetic and are the one’s who find the community. And it’s true, one-itis, if held in an unhealthy situation, is awful. It’s like an emotional prison.

We’re told to “go fuck 10 more women,” to cure it, and rightly so. But sex with other women is meant as a way to show men that they can feel emotions for OTHER women as well — not just their oneitis. But it seems a lot of guys misinterpret this as, “Become impervious to emotional pain by having nothing but casual sex.” So what you get is a bunch of aspiring PUA’s — who, more often than not, are already emotionally stunted — suppressing their emotions and engaging in lifeless and superficial pick ups with lifeless and superficial girls.

I would actually argue that one-itis isn’t necessarily a bad thing 100% of the time. In fact, the conventional marriage centers around two people maintaining one-itis for one another for their entire lives… and despite divorce rates, statistics on cheating and such, there still ARE many people out there who are very happily married.

What drives me crazy about one-itis in the community is that it gets misinterpreted for any or all attachment to women. I’ve seen dozens of guys at this point, who nearly crap themselves in fear any time they start to get attached to one of the women in their string of ONS’s or FB’s. This is absolutely insane to me. Feeling that emotional connection with a woman you picked up is not only rare… but it’s one of the most pleasant experiences in the world. Why would you ever run away from that? Again, guys mistake their emotions for neediness, mistake attachment for commitment and obligation, and instead of just enjoying the moment with their new girl, they become manipulative or just ditch her.

It took me a while to understand this, but there’s nothing wrong with emotional attachment. In fact, emotional attachment makes things far better and everything more enjoyable for everyone involved.

It’s impossible to have any sort of meaningful interaction or relationship without some form of attachment. And this is the unsung curse of PUA. As much as you enjoy the company of dozens of beautiful women, you’re doomed to miss them, reminisce about them and wonder about them for the rest of your life. Even girls I was with for one night, I sometimes stop and wonder about them, or smile about a nice memory we shared.

Defeating one-itis isn’t a matter of stifling one’s emotions — which is what a lot of guys end up doing. It’s adopting an abundance mentality: the belief that no matter how amazing this woman is and how happy I am NOW, there’s always more opportunity out there. Always…

And therefore, even if I’m emotionally attached, I’m never trapped, “destined” or obligated with any particular girl.

I mean, think about it for a second, do you think professional PUA’s don’t feel emotional attachment? Mystery almost killed himself over his girlfriend in “The Game” — not once, but TWICE. If anything, becoming great at connecting with women only causes you to feel the pain of letting them go more often. It hurts every time. And although it never gets easier… you do get more used to it.