Got together for mini-golf with a meetup group (basically a social club) yesterday. Met up with this girl I'd seen a couple months ago on a hike, and we talked for a bit. After mini golf I asked a few people to stay for a drink, and she and a couple other guys did.

Was talking and flirting, making good eye contact but no kino because we ended up on opposite sides of a table. I think the one good thing I did was when the girl was trying to decide if she wanted another drink or not, I told the other guy he should go buy her a drink so she stays... he immediately got up and bought her one.

Now here's where I screwed up. We all go to leave, the other guy walks off and the girl says "my car's over here..." I hadn't wanted to ask her out in front of the other guy, but that was a perfect opening to say "I'll walk you to your car" and ask her out... duh.

Anyway, I sent her an email when I got home just saying I didn't want to put the other guy off by asking her out in front of him, but that I thought we should get together...

So yeah, I screwed up but not sure how badly? Was the email a good idea, or did I just make it worse with that? Only thing is I know we wouldn't be seeing each other again for a while...

You should not have told her how you feel about her thru internet means. It makes you look like a pussy. You should have said you had fun but you forgot to get her number.

If she really likes you she will respond but thinks you are a pussy for not saying it in person. You lost some points there. You will have to show more alpha qualities if u see her again. It could have been worse though. The other guy could have walked her to the car and pulled her number. In which case she will compare you to that guy. Who was smother? him. She would forget about you.

The best thing you can do if she doesn't respond is ignore her for a month or so. Then out of the blue... tell her you went hiking and it reminded you that you didn't have her number (don't bring up the night you screwed up).

And until then practice with different girls.

You had plenty of opertunity to use kino, like hold a seat open for her and put your hand on her back to guide her to it. You could have leaned over the table and poked her in the head in a playful way when the guy went to get a drink. You need to be more assertive. I know rejection is a fear but don't have fear. We all get rejected, we all have had girls say they didn't feel comfortable with the touching, how well you recover and learn from these mistakes is what makes it better. Research some kino techniques. It sounds like that is your sticking point.

You could have been more alpha and asked the guy to switch you seats because you had a bad experience with a waiter dumping food on you while you were sitting in that side. Then you could have kino'ed her arm or leg, or hair ect.

You must have much smaller tables than we do...

There was no fear, either. Just missed opportunities...

Anyway, it's not like I gushed that I thought she was awesome or anything. Just said I enjoyed talking to her and we should get together, and hoped to play it off that I was just being considerate of the other guy.

Definitely should have walked her to her car though...

you live and you learn. Do you live in Texas or something. I hear everything is bigger in Texas.

Well here's her reply:
Now, on one hand it sounds like she's on the verge of friend zoning me... right? On the other hand, aren't we supposed to "hang out" instead of going on dates so it takes some of the pressure off?

yeh sounds close to being put into the LJBF zone, in your reply make sure you take yourself out of the question, for example write back something like...

"You thought I wanted to date you? haha sorry but your not what im looking for right now"

Just something to disqualify yourself, rather then just say "yeh thats fine" like an AFC would

when you do meet up with this chick you will have to be quick with the kino and trying to steping things up, cause if you dont then you will be put in the LJBF zone for sure.
Goodluck tho, let us know how u get on

*sigh* Why do I always end up gettinga reply a few minutes _after_ I respond to the girl?

Anyway, she told a story about her ex yelling at her in a bar after dating for a month and a half so I replied:

"So one guy yells at you in a bar and you're done dating forever? Honestly I'm kind of getting over someone too, so just hanging out would be cool. "

Plus a couple other jokes and a neg about her dart skills.

A variation on yours would probably have been better though...

Never really understood the virtue in doing exactly what the insecure little girl did . . . right back to her.

She saw you as boyfriend material from day 1. Every little girl does the "I'm not really looking for a date" IN RESPONSE TO, "How about a date?"

Then SHE GOES OUT ON A DATE WITH YOU. (What the hell is in a name? You can call it what ever the hell you want to call it. YOU + HER ~ GOING OUT = Date. She wants to call it hanging out? What ever floats her boat.
Why would she be telling you sob, sob ex boyfriend stories unless boyfriend/girlfriend issues are not in her mind?

The total package of your response was good but in the future, avoid answering negative answers for her. What do you expect her to say? "Yeah . . .something like that . . .yeah, I know that's stupid. . . He hurt me . . . Well, not for ever . . . " (These are positive emotions or negative?)

You can respond to her negative shit but why stay there? If you really think just "hanging out would be cool", just BEGIN hanging out with her right away by responding with something like, "Hmm . . . that sucks . . .well hey, let's play the next round for a beer!" (This elicits positive emotions or negative emotions?)

The smiling girl perceives the World to be beautiful. And it doesn't take much for a girl to offer the "World" a kiss . . . especially if that "World" happens to be getting her wet with sex talk and a lot of rubbing.

By they way, did you really just break up with a chick? It would be funny if you didn't . . .

Just because she puts a guy in the friends zone doesnt make her insecure, more that shes just not attracted to Onoma enough...yet, and perhaps to much interest was shown on his part before she was hooked which threw her off slightly

Onoma i think you can still pull this back. when you meet with her play it cool, plenty of little DHV stories and maybe the ring routine (easy kino) and depending on how things shape up maybe some suggestive hints, just becareful not to slip any further towards being just friends

Hmm... I'll have to work on that then.
I got dumped a few weeks ago, actually... girl-afraid-of-getting-too-close-vt5917 ... highlight=

Not even close. The reason she brings up the ex-boyfriend story during the date is to COVER for her insecure "date acceptance speech".(Which was merely just a standard form of telling the OP that she's not desperate for dick)

During the date, Mercurial IS IN FACT treating her like a friend so she brings up the ex-boyfriend story to tell him, "I really really like you and in fact would love to just suck face with you right now. However, I set myself up with that stupid, "I'm not looking for a date line" so I can't jump on you. I just want to tell you WHY I told you that I wasn't looking for date. . . you know, I'm coming out of a bad relationship. Sob, sob . . . "
This is a carefully planned script. 2 to 1 odds it took her more than an hour to think this through carefully. Unless she's a writing major. Then I'd give it 10 to 1 odds.

This is a gimmie.

I am telling you she was just looking for qualifiers. You didn't Kino on the night at the bar... plus there was alcohol involved. Girls like to be touched. You are lucky she said she wants to meet but she might flake after that response.

She was testing you. To see if you had balls and you just agreed with her. It's cool ive had the same mistake. Not a bad response but not good. Your still a point behind from the first night. If she meets up seriously kino her and flirt. Just be natural. If you don't kiss close a hug will tell you if your in the friend zone or not.

If it's one of those full body hugs and she has her hands on your waist and puts her head in your chest... your doing good KISS HER!

If it's a one arm or she has her arms high and tries to put her head over your shoulder you blew it.

I like to say "date" on the phone because girls like to put you in the friend zone if u just pulled the number really quick and didn't talk long... like a worker at star bucks (even if you get ioi's and flirt the whole time 5min). On the phone they do one of too things; agree to a date, or they say "so wait is this a date or just friends thing"... that means she wants to take the pressure off. I usually say "lets just hang out and we'll see where things go". I am naturally a comfortable date even if they are nervous. So putting the pressure on the date is good. It also gives them something to talk about (all the horrible dates they had, and how much better you are) This really helps built rapport.

This is what works best for me. If your a spaz, i recommend doing the friend approach to calm your own nerves. With practice my way will work better. I have never been stood up when i call it an actual date. Hanging out different story. Girls like alpha's. They are not stupid, they know why you want to hang out. It's just when you beat around the bush, it makes you look like a girl. It's like mumbling when you talk as apposed to a theater voice.

Well here's her reply:
Sent me her phone number to and just said I should pick a place... "views" on dating?

^ Gimmie.

Look, it's all right in front of you. This is just a natural course of things. She's going to give you her "philosophy". Just roll with it. This isn't the situation to strategize push/pull/run the cube/five questions crap. Don't bother analyzing her shit. You'll merely drive yourself crazy.

Regardless of what she says . . . she WANTS to see you again, again, again. You can see this right? Don't verbalize your intentions and drive her into endless chatter regarding her philosophy and her past. If she gives it, just accept it as it is instead of trying to analyze it thinking, "How can I best answer this so that I can get into her pants? . . ." (You'll only get more of that cerebral game tossed back to your court)

Just run it. Have fun. Drink. Dance. Hold hands. Laugh. Have fun.(Did I say that already?) Just treat her as you would your GIRLFRIEND. - This is what it's all about isn't it?