tl;dr version: Approached / hit on by a girl in the day with an ultra-short conversation, what's the best way to begin the conversation / game on the next meeting?


Full version:


Hi there. General newbie here, been working on the most basic of the fundamentals -- saying "hi" to strangers and not having my brain shut down when I find myself dropped into a social situation. I'm a MM student focused on its use for self-improvement as opposed to mechanical interaction.

Now that that's out of the way, here's my situation. I was approached randomly at a cafe by a girl that works there. She was quite clearly hitting on me, and I at least had enough sense in me at this point to lean back and just play it kinda cool instead of looking down and staying quiet. I was too caught off-guard to really play it up, though, and luckily for me, it was cut very short by new customers coming in (and as I was with other people, I couldn't really stick around and wait).

So, naturally, I need to get my ass back in there and talk to her again. What I'm trying to figure out is exactly how I should approach this. I see a few possibilities with pros and cons to each, but I'm not experienced enough to know what's best.

So I consider this to be A3 in MM and run normal day game from there? Or, since she approached anyways, do I play it more innocent and easygoing and let her continue to lead things? I'm not entirely sure what vibe she got from me that made her decide to approach, though the fact that I happened to be in my clubbing outfit at the time likely contributed (what can I say, I look good in that stuff).


If I consider it standard A3, I could go directly in with a sort of validation challenge. For instance, something like:

"So I have to say, I like it when a girl approaches a guy. It shows a lot of confidence, which is good. But that confidence has to come from somewhere, and it's got me a bit curious. I mean, other than your looks, what've you got that makes guys want to hang out with you?"

But I think that could be way too strong way fast. I mean, our conversation was basically 30 seconds long about the smoothie I ordered. She directed it towards her preference of including whey protein to help build muscle tone when she works out (and then showed me her arm) -- it was so cute, she was using MM and had no idea, heh. I didn't really offer much to the conversation other than smiles and a few friendly comments about her recommendations, but she closed it with a "It was nice talking to you" anyways. Those two or three IOIs concentrated in that short a time makes me think that running A2 material, at least up front, isn't really necessary at all since she was already attracted to me, but running an A3 challenge, especially in day game, seems a bit confrontational to me somehow.

If I want to play it more calm and natural, it's pretty easy -- I just reference the previous conversation and set up a number close with time bridge:

"So the other day you mentioned working out. I'm actually looking for a gym to attend right now. By the way, what's your name? {insert into phone} Cool, I'm {name}, pleasure to meet you. So yeah, do you like the gym you attend?" {likely acknowledgement} "Great. Here, {hand over phone} let me get your number and I'll call you sometime about checking it out. Maybe you can show me around."

A gym "date" seems pretty easy to run, and also a little bit unconventional, which is cool. I'll have plenty of opportunities to throw in natural A3 material, random compliments mixed with teases and takeaways.

So, yeah. Dropping the ball here would be a pretty pathetic failure, since it was all but handed to me on a platter, so I'd appreciate any advice. This is a marvellous opportunity to grab some much-needed practice and bolster my recently-enhanced confidence with real field success. Thanks in advance!

Field update! (belated)

So on a whim yesterday, I went back to the cafe in question. She was there again. I sat back and let her lead, which she did situationally with more food talk. I managed to find a way to get a playful neg or two in there, but it was really short (< 30 seconds in two "conversations" as she brought me the two parts of my order) and not very useful. She then became busy as I finished my meal.

Well, I wasn't about to walk out of there with just that as the result, so before leaving, I walked back up to the order counter. One of the other girls asked what she could get me, and I requested the HB in question (I had seen her name tag this time). She did so, walking around a bit slowly and obviously nervous. I started by easing her into comfort by bringing up the food again, since that's almost all we'd discussed anyways (seriously, not a lot of words had been spoken). Then I asked her about her name, if it was short for something (which it was -- and I then informed her I'd be using another alternate nickname).

Feeling the time was right, I then punched through with the "I like when a girl approaches / I'm curious about your confidence" line, and it worked like a charm. I could almost see her rock backwards, she thanked me, and then began offering ways we could continue to talk -- shared her work schedule, told me her listed name on Facebook, that sort of thing. She actually didn't get that I was seriously asking her a question -- she thought I was just expressing my curiosity. In many cases, this would be bad, as it's too much validation too fast, but that wasn't a problem here. I tried a gym bridge, but that didn't really work because she can't drive again for another month (I later found out this is due to a somewhat recent operation). So, I said bye, left, and went home.

When I got home, I found that she had messaged me on Facebook. I was pretty stunned -- I never gave her my name! Turns out her friend had checked my card payment to get her my name. I negged her for that in a couple humorous messages, but carefully -- you can't throw out the word "stalker" without being quite cautious. It worked grand in this case -- she says she called her friend the same thing when she did it. She could well be covering for herself, but if so, she at least seems amused and only a tiny bit embarassed, which is what I wanted.

So, now I'm working a good way to set up a meeting -- her workplace isn't gonna fly with me, and I'm not going to let this escalate over Facebook. I'm thinking Mardi Gras, which is happening around here now. I'm working on finding a good way to invite -- don't want to fall into a trap here, though she seems interested enough that I probably can't screw it up too easily. I did make one mistake -- I Friended her way too fast, right after she sent the first message, which she didn't accept until several hours & messages later (perhaps cleaning up her Wall / Info?). She could also have less interest after having seen my data -- there's a bit of an age difference going on here, and I have no idea if that will bother her yet (if she is the type to be bothered, there hasn't been enough comfort to overcome it).

Wish me luck. I'm guessing my original problem was either deemed too novice to be worth a response, or too outside the bounds of what this place is about (i.e. proactively picking up as opposed to gaming after being picked up).

Ended up chatting with her on Facebook. Found out she doesn't like Mardi Gras or the downtown area in general, so instead of directly inviting, I basically told her I "would have but." As expected, she didn't chase.

I also found out she spends a lot of time on the Internet on pretty much all of the social sites. This is not the typically-socialized girl found at clubs and the like -- I'm pretty shocked she actually approached me to begin with. I still ran game on her in chat, and it seemed like a lot of it worked -- got her to chase, validate herself, and had an overall good conversation. I peppered in enough A3 stuff to keep it from going too much into "friend zone," and it seemed to work, but I never got extremely direct. I don't want to escalate too high online, even though it seems like that's her comfort zone. I know where she's coming from -- it was the same for me not so very long ago. But I want the kino and remainder of the flirting in person; plenty of time for this stuff later on.

I'm not sure how to move forward yet. There don't seem to be many normal kinds of events I can invite her to. Dare I try escalating in her workplace? I don't think she'll have enough comfort to allow it.

This is tricky. I'll probably have to think about it for a bit before I initiate another chat or make any other moves. Any thoughts from anyone yet?