So, the background: A bout 2 months ago I met this girl at an event through meetup.com. There seemed to be some sparks, but I missed a chance at getting her number. Eventually I found her in a group I also belong to on Facebook, and sent her a quick message saying I was thinking about going to an event the group was holding. She said she hoped to see me there, so I went... we talked for a while, things seemed to go ok and I asked her out for that Friday. She already had plans, but said she would try to get to a meetup event I was organizing on Thursday... to which she didn't show.

Now, the thing is I could wait until she shows up at a meetup again, but she really doesn't come to any of them. She hasn't even checked the site in over a month so I think that waiting for her to show up is about the same as just giving up on her.

Would it be out of line to just send her a quick message seeing if she wants to get together for a drink? It's been a week since we saw each other at that event...

It all depends on where you live. I bet there are States where asking a girl out for a drink is illegal and thus could be considered, "out of line".

Seriously though . . . you sound like you need to start this thing from scratch. I mean . . . damn man, you need to start EVERYTHING from scratch. Now, I have no idea what meetup is but you go to this event and you worked over one girl (who you didn't close in any way). Then you wait around and stalk her on Facebook, then ask her to join you for some other meetup.com event. And obviously, you didn't close her in anyway there either.

Now, you've "waited" for her over a month and you want to see if you can ask her out for a drink?

Think about this . . . what the hell were you talking about when you met her? Why didn't you ask her out for a drink at that time? See . . . this is when everything is interesting. This is when, as you say, "sparks fly". She doesn't know you yet. . . You could be a Government agent. You could be Superman . . . Everything about you is new and fresh. You ask her out for a drink at that time and it's a "BAM"! She thinks, "Holy shit, this guy is really into me and it's turning me on."

At this point, she knows everything she needs to know about you. You lurk around meetup.com places and focus on 1 girl. Then you sit at home thinking about her all day long as you do an on-line search for her. Then you ask her out to ANOTHER meetup.com where previously, you did nothing but "blah, blah, blah" with her and to confirm her worst fears, you do the SAME "blah, blah, blah" when she sees you again. Does this sound exciting to you? Can you imagine any girl getting turned on by this? Can you imagine ANY girl accepting your offer to go out for a drink with you after putting her through all this?

Let this one go. She's given up on you looooong ago. In any form of negotiation, you have to be willing to offer your counterpart something for a desired return. What have you offered this girl? If you want a girl to kiss you, what will you offer her? If you want a girl to join you at a bar, what will you offer her? If you want a girl to fuck you, what will you offer her? You have to meet her needs. Discover what those needs are. Find out what you have in your power that allows you to deliver those needs.

Stop being so selfish.

Ok really, what the hell are you talking about? Your reply comes off like you read the first, third and last sentences of mine and guessed the rest or something.

What am I giving her? I thought it was AFCs who were trying to buy a girl's affection with drinks and shit. I'm offering her the opportunity to have a cool night out with a great guy.

Oh, and in case you did skip some of the sentences in there: She did express interest in seeing me, she said she hoped to see me at the event last week!

I know I screwed up by not asking her out the first couple times we met. No fucking shit, Sherlock! I was heading out of the coffee shop with everyone following me, and when I turned around to say goodnight to her she wasn't there... pretty much ruining my plan to ask her out when there wasn't an audience of like 15 people.

You should maybe figure out what meetup.com is before you talk about me stalking people on it. It's a place that lets us organize social clubs and gatherings. I don't fucking "lurk" there, I organize one group and assistant organize for another. I don't focus on one girl either, I'm just trying to figure out if there's a next step with THIS one.

No its probably lost. Your best bet is to go out and try to meet with 3 other girls

There's really nothing wrong with self reflection and correction.

LOL . . .Really? Is that what you offered her? Because if you had offered her an "opportunity for a cool night with a great guy", she'd be sucking your knob now and you wouldn't be posting this thread.

I wish you much luck with your non-lurking, non-stalking, non-afc style.

And in case you missed any of my "sentences".
Hurray for you! Unfortunately, "This ONE" WON'T be showing you anything, anytime ever. And until you make some corrections in the way you deal with women, expect similar results for the rest of your life.

Such as?

I'd like to see what you assume I need to correct.

Granted, I do need to correct a lot of things, or I wouldn't even be here, but I'm curious what vast insight you gained from a single paragraph you skimmed.

Well the main thing i picked up on was a case of one itis as in trying too hard with one girl. Try to get to the state where she is suggesting places and some good old kino is going on

Onoma I know his advice might have come off as harsh, but after a while I guess a lot of the guys here have seen pretty much every permutation of "there's this one girl and I want to rescue the situation / win her over / etc" and so forgive them for dashing off a quick response to a simple and common problem.

The best advice, which I give constantly, is to go out and game other women. Forget about that ONE, because there are 3 BILLION of them and for every HB10 you meet with big boobs, platinum blonde hair, a degree in prehistoric archaeology, and a passion for deep sea diving, 3-d chess and extreme Icelandic pole-dancing, there are thousands more who are even hotter and share even more of your interests and weird fetishes (you kinky freak you...).

In fact, gaming other women actually INCREASES your chances of getting that ONE back, because when you next see each other, you're the guy surrounded by a bevy of hot girls, all laughing at your jokes and touching you playfully, and now look at that ONE's face when she comes up to you and is suddenly so intrigued and fascinated.

Forget about her. Go out and get gaming, and if she does show up to one of these meets in the future, then start again from there. But don't pin your hopes on it, because it's a pointless and unfruitful waste of your time and energy to do so. Speaking of pointless and unfruitful, it's not a great idea to come on a forum, ask for advice, and then get pissed off when somebody says something you don't want to hear. Being open about accepting criticism of yourself is the ONLY way to learn and improve. If you react defensively to advice, you'll just stay more set in your ways.

Hmm... I may see the disconnect here. When I said "waiting" for this girl I did not mean I was sitting at home pining over her. I was trying to convey that I wasn't worrying about it or actively pursuing her. Granted, I do feel like there was something special about this girl and had anything gotten anywhere there could have been some "one-itis" happening... but honestly she was the third girl I invited out that week so it isn't like I'm sitting at home pinning all my hopes on her.

The only issue is that I have occasionally lost girls to waiting to long to make a solid move. (I can think of one bartender, in particular, who was practically packing to move to Brazil by the time I finally asked her out.) So I don't want to just sit back and have her show up again with a boyfriend or something...


I only got defensive because of his tone and the assumptions he was making. Notice the difference in my reply to you?

I have a tendency to treat others the way they treat me...

^ . . . For a kid who can't secure a date and is wondering whether it's "out of line" to be asking a girl for drink a month after total non-contact, you sure have a lot of attitude. Correct this first.

Otherwise, go swipe your mommy's credit card for a boot camp. Most coaches/gurus won't like your attitude either but they will be happy to take your money.

If you've "lurked" long enough in this forum, I'm sure you've noticed that most members are generally supportive of each other and wish each other well. But there are always a few who generate enough negative energy for themselves to make others applaud their failures. Think about this . . . It's very, very difficult to hide personality and social traits on an Internet Forum.

You have a repulsive (In the literal sense and not the derogatory idiom) personality and your problems won't be solved by memorizing a few PU cliche's. You'll continue to blame the "15 people following you", coffee hour, Sherlock Holmes, or whatever else you dream up for your failures but until you learn to accept your faults, laugh about it, and correct it, you can expect similar results for the rest of your life.

Just as a side question . . . Did you get bullied a lot in elementary school?

As I just said: "I have a tendency to treat others the way they treat me..."

And nothing in the rest of your post gives me any reason to not be a total dick to you.

While I know that this is a popular go-to answer around here, do you think this advice APPLIES to the OP and his issues? The guy can't game 1 girl properly and you're asking him to game "multiple women" . . . This is like asking the janitor to manage your stock portfolio.

Hey Kasabi, going back to your "schoolyard bully" thing... are you even CAPABLE of offering advice without attacking the person? Or do you just get your jollies off of insulting people?

So what's your excuse for treating girls like a total idiot? Do you blame this on them as well?

I forgot your legendary psychic powers. Can you tell me exactly when I treated this girl like an idiot? I miscalculated the logistics on asking her out because I didn't want to do it in front of 20 people. Mistake? Yes. There's a vast difference between making a mistake and acting like an idiot OR treating someone like an idiot.

Just like there's a vast difference between offering advice and being a dick.