how do people become spontaneous and impulsive? i realized recently that i generally dont have anxiety, but im not spontaneous.

for example, (on campus) HB8 at a table selling stuff says "hey guys" to me and my friends as we walk by and i didnt feel anxious but i didnt say anything i just smiled at her... few minutes later im thinking i couldve done something there...

i posted this story before but that post was about what i shouldve done differently in the situation... however, someone brought to my attention that im lacking spontaneity.

how do i become more spontaneous?

To be spontaneous is to do things on impulse, within reason.

For example, if I go to a bar and things are really dead, I would tell everyone that I am going to a club instead and if someone wants to come along, fine...

Also, I don't always tell my dates where we are going. I just tell them it's a suprise...That really gets them all fired up. Girls like suprises, especially if they are fun. But just make sure the girl you take out is able to do those things. For example, I wouldn't take a girl to go bowling if she has a broken arm, etc.

Also, stop being predictable to a point where the girl knows your every move. Routine to a girl is BORING.

When having good rapport, change the subject a little bit in between the conversation, but make it a fun subject to talk about.

Hope that helps,

J-Dub

_________________
J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

You need to stop your mind. Stop thinking and do. You are not thinking because you are too much in your head. Drop all your inibitions and just do it. That's a way to become spontaneous.

_________________
Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

Im having trouble with this too. I guess its just about not analysing things too much and going with the flow. Usually if 'm fairly successful on a particular night I will find that I'm more random in my actions which usually creates attraction.

Imagine the following scenarios:

You started playing guitar last week. Your gonna play along with a song at a party,
but you dont know the solo. So you stop playin when it comes.. you could probably
play something that wouldnt sound to bad, but since you only just started playin you dont have the confidence to put yourself in a situation were it could go wrong.

You are a ROCKSTAR, playin guitar. Ok?
35 000 people in the audience, your solo is coming up. But since your stoned out your mind you forgotter how to play it. But people are there to see you, and you done it a thousand times. You play the shit out that guitar, improvising as the song moves along. And people love you for it.

There are diffrent ways of being spontanius. If words and thoughts dont pop out constantly in your mind it can be hard for you to be "that guy". But if you'r holding back because your scared of getting into unknown waters you need to expose yourself more to it.

Maybe you should try some >free association<. Sit in front of the mirror and talk you self about anything and everything that comes to your mind. Doesnt matter how stupid it first sounds. Since your not planning what your are going to say.. you might even impress yourself with some interesting thoughts you havent had before. But makesure noone hear you cause you might end-up behind an iron-dorr if they do!

Best of luck

_________________
Vino, vedi, vici.
I drank some wine, I saw her, I conquered

Becoming spontaneous is very similar in overcoming AA (Approach Anxiety)

For some, spontaneity comes second nature (like myself) but if its not natural, try and be a little more loose and open. Speak your mind, and turn thoughts into actions - to a degree. Once you do it enough, its no longer a hesitation, and just happens. May take some calibration though, as your spontaneous actions or words don't always come out the way you wanted them to.

-ub